Never saw this coming (coworker story)

[mike_v_s]

A few years ago my wife was the manager of a small department at a hospital. One of her employees, although good at her job, was relatively standoff-ish. "Cold" was the term that most people used to describe her, although "rude" was another used frequently.

Other departments periodically complained about her lack of manners. They reported she would outright ignore them (my wife caught her doing this once or twice, but she would just reinforce her request and she would comply). After a couple of years, both my wife and this girl left for greener pastures.

Fast forward to last night, when my wife is out with a friend who happens to be this girl's cousin. Eventually, the girl came up in conversation. Erin asked how she was, etc, etc. When pushed for her professional opinion of her, my wife was straight forward: knows her stuff, but comes across as rude to many.

My wife's friend then says "Yeah, I hear that a lot. She's nearly 100% deaf, but doesn't tell anyone unless they ask".

That pretty much accounted for all of the complaints she or anyone else ever had about her. Weird. You'd have thought she was more concerned about people thinking she's a bitch.

Mike

[TheDarkReaver]

How very odd. Did no-one notice when she talked, or did she lose her hearing later in life?

[SpamBot]

I would feel very awkward hearing that.

[mike_v_s]

Originally Posted by TheDarkReaver

How very odd. Did no-one notice when she talked, or did she lose her hearing later in life?

I'm not sure about when she lost her hearing. I can say she had a bit of a lisp, but I've known a few people with a slight speech impediment that didn't lead you to think "hearing loss", ya know?

Mike

[Gopherbassist]

Originally Posted by TheDarkReaver

How very odd. Did no-one notice when she talked, or did she lose her hearing later in life?

If they put an effort in most deaf people can speak like non deaf people. It's just a time consuming thing and most don't.

[kesslari]

I had an old girlfriend who was very nearsighted and too vain to wear glasses.
People thought she was stuck up and standoffish because she wouldn't greet them (though she'd talk to people fact to face).
Thing was, she didn't see/recognize them.

[Relic]

Originally Posted by mike_v_s

A few years ago my wife was the manager of a small department at a hospital. One of her employees, although good at her job, was relatively standoff-ish. "Cold" was the term that most people used to describe her, although "rude" was another used frequently.

Other departments periodically complained about her lack of manners. They reported she would outright ignore them (my wife caught her doing this once or twice, but she would just reinforce her request and she would comply). After a couple of years, both my wife and this girl left for greener pastures.

Fast forward to last night, when my wife is out with a friend who happens to be this girl's cousin. Eventually, the girl came up in conversation. Erin asked how she was, etc, etc. When pushed for her professional opinion of her, my wife was straight forward: knows her stuff, but comes across as rude to many.

My wife's friend then says "Yeah, I hear that a lot. She's nearly 100% deaf, but doesn't tell anyone unless they ask".

That pretty much accounted for all of the complaints she or anyone else ever had about her. Weird. You'd have thought she was more concerned about people thinking she's a bitch.

Mike

I can fully sympathize in a weird way. I've always had a bit of "nerve deafness" I guess it's called. Where, in a normal situation I'm absolutely fine, but put me in an environment where there's any sort of background noise and I literally cannot comprehend anything that's said to me. I'm talking near 100% not being able to understand someone. This has led to me being described as stuck up, rude, etc, when people try to approach me after a set when the juke box is blaring.. I'm actually anything but stuck up..

well, maybe a little but still, it kind of sucks

[LiquidMidnight]

And like most things in life, there's a Seinfeld episode that this scenario relates to. That's quite ironic considering we just had a disccusion about Seinfeld on Talkbass.

[mike_v_s]

Originally Posted by LiquidMidnight

And like most things in life, there's a Seinfeld episode that this scenario relates to. That's quite ironic considering we just had a disccusion about Seinfeld on Talkbass.

Really? I'm a fan and must have missed that episode.

Mike

[T-Bird]

Hi.

An unfortunate run-in with an U-turning cager 10 years ago left me with only one functioning ear.

If there's even slightest background noise, anything coming from the deaf side will be ignored, obviously.

I don't have a habit of telling every single person I meet that I'm 50% deaf, and that has created some problems. The thing is, people don't neither care or remember.

I understand her completely, but I couldn't pull that off in a static working environment, much less in a medical workplace. What surprizes me most, is that none of the doctors or nurses noticed? Really?

Regards
Sam

[KarateKid25]

Originally Posted by mike_v_s

My wife's friend then says "Yeah, I hear that a lot. She's nearly 100% deaf, but doesn't tell anyone unless they ask".

My mother in law is the same. She has hearing aids, but they are tucked away under her hair. She doesn't really make it known that she has hearing difficulties either.

My partner frequently has people saying "Your mum hates me! She never acknowledges me when I talk to her" etc etc...

She is relatively fine if she knows you are talking to her, but if she doesn't 'see' you talking to her, then good luck with that!

[mike_v_s]

Originally Posted by T-Bird

What surprizes me most, is that none of the doctors or nurses noticed? Really?

Regards
Sam

If they did, it was never brought to my wife's attention. The first she heard of it was from her friend and when she told me this morning (I knew the girl), I honestly replied "Holy ****, that makes total sense".

Mike

EDIT: After speaking with my wife again about this, she has informed me that nurses (being a group she interacted with daily while doing her job) were the ones that reported her for being rude on several occasions. So I guess they didn't notice. I'd have expected those who worked closely with her to be more in tune with something like that anyway.

[lunarpollen]

Originally Posted by Relic

I can fully sympathize in a weird way. I've always had a bit of "nerve deafness" I guess it's called. Where, in a normal situation I'm absolutely fine, but put me in an environment where there's any sort of background noise and I literally cannot comprehend anything that's said to me. I'm talking near 100% not being able to understand someone. This has led to me being described as stuck up, rude, etc, when people try to approach me after a set when the juke box is blaring.. I'm actually anything but stuck up..

well, maybe a little but still, it kind of sucks

I have that same issue! Maybe closer to 90% for me rather than 100%... But it is still frustrating, especially when you tell people that you cannot hear them because of the background noise being too loud and yet they still try and talk to you...

[bassybill]

Interesting story.

BTW, your wife is called "Erin"? What nationality is that name?

[thefruitfarmer]

Originally Posted by lunarpollen

... But it is still frustrating, especially when you tell people that you cannot hear them because of the background noise being too loud and yet they still try and talk to you...

I used to have a colleague who would talk quieter on purpose when I could n't hear him with an ear infection. I told him he needed to come closer and get my attention before he started to talk but he would constantly mumble from the other side of the desk. It was a ploy to be irritating - but he was definately that kind of guy.

I think the problem is that some people will exploit your deafness or not know what to do with it and if this woman the OP mentions has had lots of experiences like that she may have just decided it is easier just to not tell anyone !

Most people though, when I told them my hearing is not too good at the moment, were fine about it.

[undeadbass]

Originally Posted by bassybill

Interesting story.

BTW, your wife is called "Erin"? What nationality is that name?

Erin is an Irish name, that, in fact, means Ireland. One of my younger sisters is named Erin.

[bassybill]

Originally Posted by undeadbass

Erin is an Irish name, that, in fact, means Ireland. One of my younger sisters is named Erin.

Ta! I like it.

[Relic]

Originally Posted by lunarpollen

I have that same issue! Maybe closer to 90% for me rather than 100%... But it is still frustrating, especially when you tell people that you cannot hear them because of the background noise being too loud and yet they still try and talk to you...

Yeah it stinks doesn't it? I've even gone so far as to have hearing tests done and they always come out fine. It's not the sensitivity that's bad, I can hear just fine, it's the actually ability to ungarble the mass of sounds that's hitting your brain or something. It's really odd.
In a bar or club setting, I literally have had people shouting into my ear from a few inches away and still could not understand them . To clarify - I can hear them just fine, I just can't understand them. It sucks, it totally and completely sucks!

[RWP]

Originally Posted by LiquidMidnight

And like most things in life, there's a Seinfeld episode that this scenario relates to. That's quite ironic considering we just had a disccusion about Seinfeld on Talkbass.

Talk Bass OT. A forum about nothing.

[mike_v_s]

Originally Posted by bassybill

Interesting story.

BTW, your wife is called "Erin"?

Yes, but she goes by Erin_v_s because underscores rock.

What nationality is that name?

Originally Posted by undeadbass

Erin is an Irish name, that, in fact, means Ireland. One of my younger sisters is named Erin.

Thanks.

Mike