Is it odd to have no desire to have children?

[Armueller2001]

I don't know why the hell all of my friends are having kids now (I'm 25) but I have absolutely no interest in dealing with a screaming baby who poops all over the place and needs constant care. I value my free time and my money, and am not sure if I will ever want kids. Is that strange?

My fiance says she wants kids but not right now.. I'm wondering if this will develop into a serious problem if she decides she wants kids and I do not.

Have any of you guys been totally against having children and then changed your mind? I mean, REALLY against having kids. Every time my fiance's sister's kids start screaming it's like nails on a chalkboard. Cannot stand it...

[CrispyDelicious]

I don't think it's odd. Then again, I'm a selfish introvert who hates children.

But to be more specific, I simply have no desire to bear the financial and personal burden of raising a child. I dislike children to the nth degree, and having to spend mountains of money and time on raising one seems counterintuitive.

Also, I know how terrible raising a child can be. I was one of them.

[Duckwater]

I would never have kids, I don't want to pass my horrible genes on. Maybe I'll adopt later in my life.

[blendermassacre]

My wife and I are both, for the time being, against it. We both like our money and our time, and we, therefore, don't want kids. This, obviously, might change, but for now, it's a no.

Not to mention this world is beyond ****ed and I don't want to bring a kid into it.

[sloasdaylight]

If your fiancee is going to want kids at some point, and you won't, unless you find some kind of common ground (I.E. one of you conceding, or possibly adoption), there could be some trouble on the way.

FWIW I love kids, and once I get married and settled a little bit. I come from a fairly large family, and I wouldn't trade our huge family get-togethers (we're talking 150+ people on thanksgiving and christmas, from 5 generations) for anything.

[Execut1ve]

I'm 23 and married, so I think I can resonate with where you are. I'm open to the possibility in the future, although I agree that there is nothing redeeming in the sound of a baby crying. I've heard it's something that changes with age, and that once you have your own you feel completely differently toward them. Not my experience, just what I've heard

[Relic]

I hated the thought of kids before I had some of my own. I thought they were ugly, + disgusting with their runny noses & pooped diapers...not to mention annoying and demanding.
3 kids later, I think being a dad has absolutely defined who I am as a person and would not trade being a dad for anything on the planet.

The catch-22 is that you can never truly understand how amazing it is to have kids until you have your own. Until that happens, all you have to go on are other people's kids who you may not have an emotional attachment to. (unless maybe it's a close relative, etc but even still)

So, no, its not odd to not want to have children. In fact I'd wager to say that it's fairly normal. It would be far more odd to have them and THEN decide you don't want them

[bassteban]

Not odd. I have 3, & I'll tell you it's not for everyone.
I once had no desire to breed, but people change- maybe you will, maybe you won't. I strongly suggest you do NOT have kids if you're not prepared for EVERYTHING to change.

[PSPookie]

You're 25. This sentiment is not unusual. It will probably change over the next decade. If it doesn't it could very well be a deal-breaker for your fiance.

[LiquidMidnight]

From an evolutionary perspective, not wanting to procreate could be seen as deviating from the norm. Of course, that then raises the discussion of a conscious desire to have children (i.e., saying, "I want to have a child and raise a family") versus unconsciously desiring to have children (i.e., sexual arousal). While you may not consciously want children, you evolutionary hardwiring probably still allows you to get sexually aroused. With all of that said, however, saying that not wanting children is unnatural is most probably a naturalistic fallacy argument.

I also do not want kids for many of the same reasons you do: I like my independence and disposable income. Also, I've just never been into kids. My girlfriend doesn't want children, either.

[SMILEYSIXX]

Well, I'm only 16, so my opinion isn't one to be taken as gospel, but as it stands, I have no desire whatsoever to have kids.

It just doesn't strike me as something I want to do. Of course, like I said, I'm 16 and that's not really an age where anyone should have made a decision on that particular subject yet.

[CrispyDelicious]

Originally Posted by SMILEYSIXX

Well, I'm only 16,...

Heh, I remember when I was a teenager, I explicitly stated I would never want children. I'll be 28 in a month, and the sentiment hasn't changed.

[sarcastro83]

Originally Posted by sloasdaylight

If your fiancee is going to want kids at some point, and you won't, unless you find some kind of common ground (I.E. one of you conceding, or possibly adoption), there could be some trouble on the way.

Yeah... I'm in an identical situation as the OP, only we're not engaged. She says she's cool with not having kids, but has on a couple of occasions brought up the fact that she might want to. She also really wants to get married at some point, and keeps on putting the idea out there that she'd like to get hitched before she's 30 (we're both 27). That being said, I absolutely REFUSE to pop the question and marry this girl unless she is willing to accept that marrying me means never having children. I don't think she's really accepted this as gospel yet, but when it eventually sinks in, I'm sure it's gonna cause me some problems...

Either way... good luck, dude. You're not weird at all. You've just got a different set of priorities. There is no shame in that.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by Armueller2001

I don't know why the hell all of my friends are having kids now (I'm 25) but I have absolutely no interest in dealing with a screaming baby who poops all over the place and needs constant care. I value my free time and my money, and am not sure if I will ever want kids. Is that strange?

My fiance says she wants kids but not right now.. I'm wondering if this will develop into a serious problem if she decides she wants kids and I do not.

Have any of you guys been totally against having children and then changed your mind? I mean, REALLY against having kids. Every time my fiance's sister's kids start screaming it's like nails on a chalkboard. Cannot stand it...

If you don't plan on ever wanting kids, and your fiancee does want kids in the future it would be wise to bring things to an end. No sense in making that big of a comittment if what you and your fiancee want for the future do not line up.

Its understandable and your choice if you choose to never have kids, but its not fair to your fiancee who does at some point. You are in a position to change your mind at some point, be it you just come around to the idea of having kids, or once your future wife gets knocked up, etc. However, a woman who eventually does want kids is not going to all of a sudden decide that she doesnt ever want kids.

[Phalex]

When my wife and I started dating, she had no interest in having children at all. I was kinda neutral on the whole thing.

Once we got married, she started talking about maybe having some kids. At that point I was a little less than neutral.

Now, I'm old, and her biological clock is ticking louder, but I think that ship has sailed at this point.

[6jase5]

At 25, no way was I interested. Out of college, touring band, trying to be johnny rockstar. Now, 38, financially set, love my wife, band, job and life.....perfect timing. When you are ready you are, and if that day doesn't happen it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. Never get pressured or forced as those are the parents I can't stand to be around.

This little one is 2 weeks old today, and does indeed pee, poop and cry.......and it doesn't bother me one bit. As it was said before, you just can't even imagine the feeling until you experience it. Knocked me to my knees in tears the first time she looked at me and this little 8lb bundle of joy has me wrapped around her finger with one smile (even though when a baby smiles, it usually means one not so pretty thing is being created). I just bought her a Lakland Duck Dunn this week.........well, it's for us to share.

[Philbiker]

Originally Posted by PSPookie

You're 25. This sentiment is not unusual. It will probably change over the next decade. If it doesn't it could very well be a deal-breaker for your fiance.

....or grounds for eventual divorce.

Seriously. You're 25. I know people think they "have it figured out" in their 20s, but believe me, you don't.

Meanwhile - here's something to chew on. How old are your grandparents? Who is taking care of them, and who will take care of them when they get very elderly? Who will take care of (and/or love) you when you are in your 80s?

[Staccato]

You sound very comfortable with the idea of never having kids of your own...

When one person going forward expects to have them someday, it is sometimes better if both people are on the same page.
Unfortunately, some relationships have broken up during an ultimatum, later.

[need4mospd]

I remember being 25 and never wanting kids. One "oops" moment and three years later I can't imagine my life without my daughter. Seriously, it's the best thing that's happened to me. It's nothing like you can imagine until you experience it for yourself.

[Yerf Dog]

Originally Posted by PSPookie

You're 25. This sentiment is not unusual. It will probably change over the next decade.

Didn't for me and I'm 45. Seeing all the divorces with kids involved just reaffirms my choice.