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View Poll Results: How do I get out of murdering the wife's orchids | |
Say nothing. Know nothing. See nothing.
|    | 25 | 30.49% | |
Tell the truth, get down on knees and beg forgiveness
|    | 31 | 37.80% | |
Blame it all on the dogs and/or cat.
|    | 2 | 2.44% | |
Lie my arse off in about a week. IE: "OMG it looks like your orchids have some sort of disease!"
|    | 9 | 10.98% | |
Transplant all with carrots.
|    | 15 | 18.29% |
 | | 
12-24-2012, 08:19 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ottawa, ontario, canada | | | So hard to create , so easy to destroy .
Relic , because of your shenanigans you are forbidden from brow-beating punk-ass noobs
on TB .
For one week. |
12-24-2012, 11:19 AM
|  | The Lowdown Diggler | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Huntington Beach, CA | | Hahaha  |
12-24-2012, 11:26 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: UK | | | go on a week-long strip club and whiskey bender. the orchids will be the last thing on your wife's mind.
__________________
Fuzzrocious club #102
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12-24-2012, 01:15 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: NSW, Australia | | Quote: |
Originally Posted by Relic Dear Diary,
Day two of my dilemma. | Hahaha.
There has been some absolute gold in OT lately.
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by Munjibunga  You want experts? This is TalkBass. You got experts. | |
12-26-2012, 10:27 AM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: West Covina (LA), SoCal | | Quote:
Originally Posted by fraublugher What you've done in effect is a common infestation prevention method. ie spider mite
If the orchids are picture perfect with no discoloration they're probably fine.
At worst you might have killed the next large leaf. | Windex is a poor way to control spider mite infestation. Quote:
Originally Posted by HaMMerHeD Don't you have kids?
They are convenient scapegoats. | I thought that was the reason married guys had kids.
__________________
Bassist for [TBD] -
Bassist: Veg#33 Buddhist#11 LGBT#5
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12-27-2012, 04:59 PM
|  | Registered User | | | | Quote:
Originally Posted by MatticusMania Windex is a poor way to control spider mite infestation.
I thought that was the reason married guys had kids. | Yes, but usually we just use the kids to cover up our farts until they are old enough to talk then you just get a dog. |
12-28-2012, 09:58 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Robbinsville, NJ | | | Dear Diary...
Six days and counting... as the days bleed into night in an endless crescendo of guilty apprehension, I remember the famous words of Sir Winston Churchill: "Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm."
Then I pause for a moment and realize that it has nothing to do with my situation and I move on. Specimen 1 - "Cornelia" is fine. She/it is thriving as though one gave it a spiritual enema, thoroughly cleansing it of imperfection and mundaneness. Specimen 2, "Matilda" however is showing slight signs of trouble. That is, she's brown and dead. her lone spindly stalk points to me accusingly, like a skeletal finger: "yOoooouu did thisssSss toooOo meeeEeee" yet I remain steadfast in my resolve to hide the truth.
She thinks it's a disease now - disease - in an total fit of irony, what is once the killer of things, the destroyer of worlds, has become my savior. Disease, sweet sweet disease.
I stand safe at the moment dear diary, for how long I do not know..
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by Relic meh | |
12-28-2012, 10:24 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Make a left at the Taco Bell | | | Oh how I wish to all that is holy I could sig that entire diary entry. Literary and comedic genius, I tell you!!!
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by Phalex My thumbs look exactly like my wife's big toes. They're like smelly little doppelgangers! | |
12-28-2012, 10:30 AM
|  | KEED SPILLS..no, wait..PILL SKEEDS..SKILL PEEDS? | | Join Date: May 2011 Location: Nashville, Cats | | Quote:
Originally Posted by Relic ....I stand safe at the moment dear diary, for how long I do not know.. | hey, Eric...just sig the portion i have quoted...you'll be OK. 
__________________ They say money talks, and that's no lie...I heard mine speak, it said Goodbye Quote: |
"it is depressing to think that by the time he was my age, Mozart had been dead fifteen years" --Tom Lehrer
| |
12-28-2012, 11:52 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Make a left at the Taco Bell | | Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonesomedave hey, Eric...just sig the portion i have quoted...you'll be OK.... | I was thinking more this part: Quote:
Originally Posted by Relic Dear Diary...
Six days and counting... as the days bleed into night in an endless crescendo of guilty apprehension, I remember the famous words of Sir Winston Churchill: "Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm."... |
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by Phalex My thumbs look exactly like my wife's big toes. They're like smelly little doppelgangers! | |
12-28-2012, 11:55 AM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Canada | | | This thread is a carrot of pure gold. |
12-28-2012, 12:46 PM
| | | | The real question is how much money are you willing to pay us Stewards Of Truth to neglect to inform your wife about the existence of this thread.
__________________
Heretic Custom [heretic-cg.us]
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12-29-2012, 09:15 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ottawa, ontario, canada | | | Cycles , everything in nature has a cycle proportional to it's age , it still may bounce back ,
but you might have to wait a few months for orchids.
As punishment I suggest you put a litter bag over your head and run around in circles out in the yard making bleeting sounds like a horny confused sexually ambiguous sheep.
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