| One year ago today
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One year ago today a very good friend of mine died. He was 32 years old. There's no need to sympathize as I've come to terms with it. I'm posting because the last year has given me a lot of time (well, 365 days) to look at the situation from a few angles and I think there's a few things people ought to think about.
Quick background: Eric was one of an original group of about 6 high school/college buddies and another 20 or so "satellite" friends. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor at 22 and declared cancer free 5 years later. He was hit again with a spinal tumor or somesuch a few years later and told that was it.
He kept his condition pretty close to the vest and the fact that a lot of us had moved out of town meant no one REALLY knew what the situation was. He impregnated his wife around the time of his second diagnosis. As a group, we had mixed issues with his girlfriend (later wife). She was standoffish and didn't really fit our "lifestyle".
So here goes.
1) Mother****ers, tell your friends how bad your situation is. On the flip side, if one of your friends is THAT sick, pick up a phone let everyone know. The cancer sure as hell ain't gonna call everyone. Nothing sucks worse than calling and calling and calling and never hearing ****. When someone does finally pick up, it's your wife who then has to tell all your friends that you have about 2 weeks to go and that you're no longer in a position to say goodbye.
2) I don't care how much you don't like your friend's wife, that's his wife. I talk with Eric's wife infrequently. I initially did it because she was literally alone without him. Just her and a newborn. I called to lend support, money, whatever. Every time I talk to her, she repeats that I am the only one of Eric's friends that calls. total ********. I call out those guys everytime I talk to them. Those cocks were Eric's good friends and now they turn their back on the two biggest decisions in his life? If your good friend thought enough of her, you should at least extend the courtesy of dropping a line. He would want you to.
3) Stay in touch with friends. Time flies by and keeping up is a pain in the ass. I talked with Eric once a week for the last year or two of his life, up until a point. The amount of guilt some of my other firends feel for not taking the time is immense. I learned a lot from this. Eric was one of the few I kept up with at the time, now I have a dumb **** myspace just to keep in touch.
4) Don't wait for a ****ing funeral to throw a party. Since college graduation, my "crew" has had two occassions where everyone came out of the woodwork to attend. The first was my wedding, the second was the night before Eric's funeral. Six years in between. Six ****ing years. There were people there I used to consider friends I had not seen in six ****ing years. I can't even offer a decent excuse for that.
Don't lose touch with your friends, guys. Respect the choices they make in life. How would you want them to treat your wife/girlfriend? You're never too busy to drink a beer with someone. It might be the last conversation you have with them, so make it count.
Mike | 
