Oprah show topic - bullying

[Bass Viking]

I flicked on the TV and caught the tail end of the Oprah Winfrey show. The subject was bullying. It caught my interest so I went on her website to check out the episode. Two mothers, whose sons had committed suicide and were buried just days earlier, were on the show. It appears these 2 boys had been bullied for years and finally couldn't handle it anymore. Just heartbreaking! What these poor women are dealing with, I don't know where they found the strength to appear on TV. As a parent, it was difficult for me to read about these sad cases.

The kids who did the bullying are going to realize the full impact of their actions someday, if they haven't already. It's not going to be pleasant for them.

[evan_phi]

My fiancee watched the whole episode and she said she thought of me the whole time. I was that kid who was constantly bullied. I used to cut, etc. etc...

Luckily I found that one person who made me snap out of it.


But yeah... bullying is serious business, and every educator and child-care professional should be taught to deal with it promptly and strictly.

[Bass Viking]

Originally Posted by evan_phi

My fiancee watched the whole episode and she said she thought of me the whole time. I was that kid who was constantly bullied. I used to cut, etc. etc...

Luckily I found that one person who made me snap out of it.


But yeah... bullying is serious business, and every educator and child-care professional should be taught to deal with it promptly and strictly.

Sorry to hear about that. It seems there is more awareness about the issue these days. Unfortunately, it takes these tragic cases to bring it to public attention.

[Beno]

Yeah, bullies often don't realize how messed up they're being. And unfortunately most children don't have someone to talk to that has power to stop said bullies.

[Nappa]

The endless cycle of the bullied becoming bullies. It can be a number of things from parents to adults in general as most kids do not the difference between good and bad or any harm they are doing.

[sarcastro83]

I got bullied for a good year when I switched schools as a kid. I told the teachers, told the principal, my parents came in for meetings and it just kept on going. Their excuse was that "he was a special ed student who had a rough home life, and they would do their best to try and reach him through afterschool sessions with a councilor". Needless to say, the dude who was a full grade older than myself kept at it. One day, when he went too far, I blackened his eye up and bloodied his nose in full view of a bunch of his friends and a few of mine. I turned the tables on him, humiliated him in front of his friends, and from that point on, he never even looked at me funny. It was the only way.

Sadly, kids aren't allowed to stand up for themselves anymore without serious repercussions, both academic and legal. And the bullies? Well, conveniently, it always comes out that they lead less than ideal home lives, and that absolves them...

I think it's a bunch of nonsense.

[PSPookie]

I switched schools several times growing up. As a scrawny, pale, honors student you can bet that I got bullied a bit. Like with sarcastro, it got settled on the playground and that was that.

Sure, I got in trouble with the school and my parents over it but that blew over. The bullying didn't come back.

[Jools4001]

At the school I went to, the bullying was institutionalised. A system of sub-prefects, prefects, house masters and a deputy head master who would probably be locked away now (thinking about the way he used to relish beating the naked behinds of small boys with a split garden cane like a cat 'o nine tails). As well as the deputy head's cane being split, the tip of it was left intact, so that this would lash around your legs and hit you in the genitalia

Typical incidents. We were required to wear a school uniform, and wearing a cap was compulsory whenever we were outside the school grounds. Some of the school prefects used to stand just in front of the school gates and being 15 or 16 years old used to find it very easy to whip the cap from the heads of 12 to 13 year olds and throw them over the wall into some waste ground. 5 yards later on, the other prefects would take your name as being 'improperly dressed' ouside of school and add you to a list of people who would be given 6 strokes of the cane later that day. The school masters knew that their victims were there simply on a bully's whim, but caned us nonetheless.

We were also supposed to line up outside class before filing into the classroom. On my first ever lesson with one teacher, as I filed in and before I had said a word he said "you boy, I don't like your face...get out of my class". Guess what the punishment was for being found outside of class after the bell - yep, the deputy head swooping round with his big black cape looking for miscreants to cane.

We were also required to write with a fountain pen. Bullies would tip your ink down the toilet - guess what the punishment was for not writing in ink, yep, the cane

Caned for not being in class on time because some prefects had ripped up my class timetable in the first week of school before I'd had time to memorise what lesson we had and where.

Caned for not being able to keep up with the lesson because somebody had taken my glasses off and crushed them underfoot, so I couldn't see the board when a question was asked of me.

Caned once for clapping in time for a few bars to The Beatles "Revolution" when it was played IN A MUSIC LESSON!!!! How was I to know it was only being played to demonstrate how subversive this 'rock and roll' music was.

I was never a wild child, I was bought up to be very polite and respectful, but I was caned for just about everything you can think of for the 5 years I was there. I didn't have the heart to tell my parents, firstly because when you have no frame of reference and the bullying is backed up by adults you think the bullying must be your fault, and secondly because my parents were very proud that I suceeded in getting into a 'prestigious school' that was way above the expectations of their humble background, that I felt at the time that I would be letting them down. Years later, and I mean 30 odd years later, I told my Mum what really happened and she was distraught, said she would've pressed charges against the school if she'd have known.

What people don't realise is that during late chilhood, on the verge of adolescence, people are forming their core beliefs and understanding about themselves. If your peers are continually bullying you into thinking that you are worthless, that whatever you do to try and fight back is futile, and when that perception is being backed up by the very institution that should protect you from all of this, it does damage that can harm your own sense of wellbeing for decades.

I'm not whining, this is just a fact. It doesn't happen anymore...being a 2nd Dan Shotokan black belt sees to that

[sarcastro83]

Originally Posted by Jools4001

At the school I went to, the bullying was institutionalised. A system of sub-prefects, prefects, house masters and a deputy head master who would probably be locked away now (thinking about the way he used to relish beating the naked behinds of small boys with a split garden cane like a cat 'o nine tails). As well as the deputy head's cane being split, the tip of it was left intact, so that this would lash around your legs and hit you in the genitalia

Typical incidents. We were required to wear a school uniform, and wearing a cap was compulsory whenever we were outside the school grounds. Some of the school prefects used to stand just in front of the school gates and being 15 or 16 years old used to find it very easy to whip the cap from the heads of 12 to 13 year olds and throw them over the wall into some waste ground. 5 yards later on, the other prefects would take your name as being 'improperly dressed' ouside of school and add you to a list of people who would be given 6 strokes of the cane later that day. The school masters knew that their victims were there simply on a bully's whim, but caned us nonetheless.

We were also supposed to line up outside class before filing into the classroom. On my first ever lesson with one teacher, as I filed in and before I had said a word he said "you boy, I don't like your face...get out of my class". Guess what the punishment was for being found outside of class after the bell - yep, the deputy head swooping round with his big black cape looking for miscreants to cane.

We were also required to write with a fountain pen. Bullies would tip your ink down the toilet - guess what the punishment was for not writing in ink, yep, the cane

Caned for not being in class on time because some prefects had ripped up my class timetable in the first week of school before I'd had time to memorise what lesson we had and where.

Caned for not being able to keep up with the lesson because somebody had taken my glasses off and crushed them underfoot, so I couldn't see the board when a question was asked of me.

Caned once for clapping in time for a few bars to The Beatles "Revolution" when it was played IN A MUSIC LESSON!!!! How was I to know it was only being played to demonstrate how subversive this 'rock and roll' music was.

I was never a wild child, I was bought up to be very polite and respectful, but I was caned for just about everything you can think of for the 5 years I was there. I didn't have the heart to tell my parents, firstly because when you have no frame of reference and the bullying is backed up by adults you think the bullying must be your fault, and secondly because my parents were very proud that I suceeded in getting into a 'prestigious school' that was way above the expectations of their humble background, that I felt at the time that I would be letting them down. Years later, and I mean 30 odd years later, I told my Mum what really happened and she was distraught, said she would've pressed charges against the school if she'd have known.

What people don't realise is that during late chilhood, on the verge of adolescence, people are forming their core beliefs and understanding about themselves. If your peers are continually bullying you into thinking that you are worthless, that whatever you do to try and fight back is futile, and when that perception is being backed up by the very institution that should protect you from all of this, it does damage that can harm your own sense of wellbeing for decades.

I'm not whining, this is just a fact. It doesn't happen anymore...being a 2nd Dan Shotokan black belt sees to that

This is an awful story, sir. Glad to see that you've made it out somewhat unscathed, and stronger for it.

Things must be different over there... here, in Ontario, we care more about why the bully bullies, and how he feels rather than actually curbing the behaviour.

[Relic]

Jools, that's horrible, man!!

I'm so fortunate to have been in the grammar school that I was in. The more that I hear, the more that I realize that I had an absolutely unique school experience.
My grammar school was a staunch Roman Catholic private school, sounds like a place where you'd get beaten, berated and abused, no?
Just the opposite... being that this was the early/mid 70's, the teachers were more often than not, either former hippies or at the very least of the "peace/love/understanding" type. Though there were a few stereotypical "mean nuns", by and large the teachers were great. They talked up your confidence, approached things with understanding and patience, they wouldn't tolerate bullying, in fact, it was such a cool school that they would even bring in an occasional Rabbi or Imam to talk about Islam or Judiasm and how were all "brothers" and such, can you imagine doing something like that now?? You can get killed in parts of the world for doing something like that.
I'm very fortunate for that school.
High school on the other hand, hated it.

[MakiSupaStar]

Um... You were watching what now?

[Papazita]

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

Um... You were watching what now?

Relax, he was just looking for the KFC coupon. No man-penalty needed.

[Thunderscreech]

I used to get picked on by people. But, after a while, I learned that most of kids who picked on me were really kinda stupid. And, after studying the way they did it, I learned how to reverse-engineer their methods and use it against them.

Trust me, there are few things more satisfying then the look of utter stupification when someone realizes you broke their code.

[WalWarrior]

Originally Posted by Nappa

The endless cycle of the bullied becoming bullies. It can be a number of things from parents to adults in general as most kids do not the difference between good and bad or any harm they are doing.

Most bullied Kids end up becoming cops. Then they feel its payback time for all the years they've gotten pushed around.

In my entire life I've only met two cool cops. All the others are Dicks. Just my .02.

[rr5025]

Originally Posted by WalWarrior

Most bullied Kids end up becoming cops. Then they feel its payback time for all the years they've gotten pushed around.

In my entire life I've only met two cool cops. All the others are Dicks. Just my .02.

You've met 2 more than I have

I never really got bullied but I did observe one guy getting bullied and I won't lie I participated. This guy was a complete ass and essentially made it his goal to annoy everyone in the class, pretty much he was trying to be a bully but failing at it I guess. He was just an idiot pretty much, he ended up transferring to another school so I don't know what ever happened to him. I could definitely see him becoming a cop though.

[DudeistMonk]

Ugh...All to many vivid memories...

Chuby smart kid who hated sports....yeah.

Also my mom, would give me the catholic turn the other cheek crap which would result in the tormenting becoming to extreme to ignore....Or she would talk to the other kids mother...yeah cause that helps a whole lot.

It wasn't until HS when I learned if I was a big enough psychopath people would steer clear...This meant slamming someone into a locker and screaming obscenities then walking myself to the guidance office...who of course would try to undo all the good I just did for myself via peer mediation....Later after a school change I just became a goth kid, people don't screw with nihilistic teenagers...of course this is a very depressing lifestyle, so I later took up the stoner life in college.

I also remember this kid Gabe in the 5th grade, who stole my chips and then threw me into the lunch table...he didn't get in trouble because he "had a less than ideal home life"...which somehow made it okay for him to give me a "less than ideal school life"

...I take solace in knowing that he is pumping gas somewhere.

[TallLankyBastyd]

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

Um... You were watching what now?

I was hesitant to suggest this earlier... I figured if "Okra" had weedled her big butt into the TalkBass realm then I would be dealing with EVIL powers way beyond my newbie TB forces.

I was also hesitant to pine for the days of old when dear old dad would take son/daughter aside and show them how to defend themselves from bullies (they have been around for all time)... "keep your hands up and your chin down. Jab, jab, RIGHT CROSS!!"

So many kids... so few PARENTS!

As you can see I'm just gonna stay out of the conversation...

[Joe Gress]

What's "Oprah"?

[TallLankyBastyd]

Originally Posted by joeinsprings

What's "Oprah"?

'Nuff said?!?

[MoBeach]

Bullies just need to be sucker punched and hit very very hard. It worked for me as a child on the school bus. That bully never bothered anyone again. In my case I used a history book as a bat and his face was the ball.