Pallbearer duty

[Tim Cole]

How do you all deal with this? I am honored to be asked, but man is this stuff ever hard. It was SO hard to do for my 89 year old grandpa earlier this year, but tomorrow I get to do it for my best friends 18 month old son. Not sure if I'll be able to keep all the strings tied together or not.

I knew the death of ANY child would extremely difficult, but I had no idea it would wreck me like this. I cannot fathom what they are going through. It's an eye opening experience though to learn what is, and isn't that important though. I've assured my friend that I would be taking care of all the casket/funeral home expenses by fund raising, and paying off the balance myself if needed. A lot of people I didn't think I cared for stepped up to the plate and helped, and others I'd looked up to disappointed me. I guess it is times like these that show truer colors.

Anyway....yeah, later today is going to be rough.

[mike_v_s]

That ******* sucks. I've had to do it a few times for friends and relatives, but I imagine the funeral of a young boy is going to be that much more difficult for everyone. Sorry to hear it, man.

Mike

[MIJ-VI]

No words........

[Jim Nazium]

Good lord ... I can't imagine how difficult that must be for the family. Props to you for helping out.

[sarcastro83]

How would I deal with it? I'd be bawling my eyes out... a weeping, uncontrollably emotional mess. And there is absolutely no shame in that, given the horrible circumstances.

Everything you've done so far has been above and beyond what a lot of people would, even could do. If the strings come undone at all, you've earned it sir. All my best to you and all devestated by this...

[nick g.]

I just went through that with my own grandpa in November. My three brothers and I carried his casket, and it was a hard thing to go through. Best wishes to you and yours.

[bmc]

You are sharing in the pain and devestation felt by everyone who cares, yourself included. It will rip everyone up tomorrow. But funerals are for that very purpose. For the affected community to share in the love and grief.

I can think of no greater loss in life than that of a child, at any age. I honestly don't know how anyone can get up in the morning and face another day.

I really feel for you. I have no idea who you are. But I really feel for your pain. I know that the inner strength that you have deep down will carry you through tomorrow and the compassion you feel for your friend is felt and recognized.

Cry. It hurts.

[Relic]

Stay strong. I'm sure that you're being there and helping means more to them than you might realize. And there is nothing wrong with tears.

[ridgeback]

dont know how to answer that mate....cant imagine how hard it must be to bury a child,honestly i dont ever want to think of it...very best wishes to friends and the family..stay strong my friend...

[blendermassacre]

Friends of mine lost their 6 month old about 4 months ago. They're now on along termtrip to Haiti, bringing medical care to people who desperately need it. It's obviously hard, but good can come out of the worst situations. They obviously couldn't do what they're doingnow with a small child.

Also, don't be afraid to cry, but don't forget to be there for your best friend.
My condolences to you and yours

- Payton

[Philbiker]

It gets easier. I've borne three grandparents, my mother, and my godmother. Since you've done it before you know what's expected. You are an important functionary in the formal ceremony. If you and your fellows can do the deed seriously, without drama, it will make the whole experience easier for everyone involved. There is plenty of time to bawl your eyes out.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by Tim Cole

How do you all deal with this? I am honored to be asked, but man is this stuff ever hard. It was SO hard to do for my 89 year old grandpa earlier this year, but tomorrow I get to do it for my best friends 18 month old son. Not sure if I'll be able to keep all the strings tied together or not.

I knew the death of ANY child would extremely difficult, but I had no idea it would wreck me like this. I cannot fathom what they are going through. It's an eye opening experience though to learn what is, and isn't that important though. I've assured my friend that I would be taking care of all the casket/funeral home expenses by fund raising, and paying off the balance myself if needed. A lot of people I didn't think I cared for stepped up to the plate and helped, and others I'd looked up to disappointed me. I guess it is times like these that show truer colors.

Anyway....yeah, later today is going to be rough.

Ive been pallbearer twice in my life: A few months ago at my 96 year old grandmothers funeral, which for me was quite easy to handle. There were 6 of us and my grandmother was a small woman.

However, the first time I had to do so was at the funeral for my newborn son. It was just me, carrying his casket from the alter to the hearse, and then from the hearse to his grave, bawling my eyes out the whole time though. It was easily the hardest thing Ive ever had to do in my life.

Originally Posted by sarcastro83

How would I deal with it? I'd be bawling my eyes out... a weeping, uncontrollably emotional mess. And there is absolutely no shame in that, given the horrible circumstances.

I really don't think there is any other way.

[billhilly66]

Originally Posted by Philbiker

It gets easier. I've borne three grandparents, my mother, and my godmother. Since you've done it before you know what's expected. You are an important functionary in the formal ceremony. If you and your fellows can do the deed seriously, without drama, it will make the whole experience easier for everyone involved. There is plenty of time to bawl your eyes out.

Good point. It's a social/cultural responsibility.

[sloasdaylight]

Be the rock.

I bore my grand aunt who died of a stroke suddenly on her way to dinner with her daughter and her kids. Needless to say it took everyone by shock, and no one really knew what to do about it. Me and some of my cousins and one of her Grandsons were the Pallbearers for that, and it was pretty hard. Basically you just need to be strong and solid for everyone else until that casket's in the ground.

[Dr_Funkdamental]

Originally Posted by Philbiker

It gets easier. I've borne three grandparents, my mother, and my godmother. Since you've done it before you know what's expected. You are an important functionary in the formal ceremony. If you and your fellows can do the deed seriously, without drama, it will make the whole experience easier for everyone involved. There is plenty of time to bawl your eyes out.

+100. You just have to keep in your mind, someone trusts and confides in you to carry a loved one safe and protected to their final resting place. That helps give a sense of duty and a boost of pride to stick your chest out and stay reserved, because someones got to (amidst others losing it). Thats what Ive done, and its the protection of that person that keeps my emotions in check, almost like a guardian. Later you can let it out if you have to.

[Staccato]

Think of it as honoring the family's request, and holding your head (and chin) high in spite of emotions felt by you, or those in attendance.

And, I have no regrets-having carried both my paternal grandparents bodies in caskets to the grave...

[fo shizzle]

You're doing fine, man. Being a friend. Being a man. Offering aid and comfort in a time of need.

[MakiSupaStar]

Originally Posted by MatticusMania

Ive been pallbearer twice in my life: A few months ago at my 96 year old grandmothers funeral, which for me was quite easy to handle. There were 6 of us and my grandmother was a small woman.

However, the first time I had to do so was at the funeral for my newborn son. It was just me, carrying his casket from the alter to the hearse, and then from the hearse to his grave, bawling my eyes out the whole time though. It was easily the hardest thing Ive ever had to do in my life.



I really don't think there is any other way.

ah man. That's brutal. My son is the most important thing in my life. Losing him would destroy me, as well as many around us. Tim, get through it as best as you can. Your in unknown territory, and I find it hard to imagine that the human wouldn't win out over composure. Peace be with you all.

[cheezewiz]

Whoa. That sucks. I don't know what else to say.

[Joe Gress]

Stay strong man.