Parents: How do you handle being wrong?

[Kwesi]

I've always wondered how well other parents think they handle being wrong in front of their kids. Not that I'm a parent (that's a waaaaaaaaays off, lol) but sometimes I feel like I'm getting the short-end of the stick when it comes to me being right and my parents being wrong about something. With my friends, if one of us is wrong about something then we just acknowledge the other person as being right and life goes on but with my parents (mostly my Dad, as he hates being wrong more than the average person, lol) it's always this big thing.

Just the other day I was trying to convince him to let me setup a network printer on the first floor of our house and he tried to find every excuse to get me not to without actually providing any solid reasons as to why not.

[nutdog]

I tell my know-it-all kids when they move out they can do it their way.

[Lesfunk]

What? Me? Wrong? Sit Down! Shut Up! Go to your room!

[Kwesi]

Originally Posted by nutdog

I tell my know-it-all kids when they move out they can do it their way.

Originally Posted by Lesfunk

What? Me? Wrong? Sit Down! Shut Up! Go to your room!

ROFL!! At least you guys admit it

[dave64o]

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I admit it and apologize to him if I need to. I don't see any other way to handle it.

[onosson]

I'm really proud of my kids when they are able to excel at something, and surpass my own abilities. My daughter has recently gotten to the point in piano (I stopped studying keyboards when I was 13) where she is faster at sightreading her new lessons than I am. Not exactly what you're talking about, but somewhat along the same lines...

[Jim Campbell]

Originally Posted by nutdog

I tell my know-it-all kids when they move out they can do it their way.

yep....he who pays the bills is never wrong

[hover]

If I'm wrong, I will admit it to my Kid(s) and then we will discuss why and how things are still going to proceed a certain way, if necessary.

I don't want the kids thinking their Dad is an infallible unreasonable *tyrant*, and also want them to grow with the ability to be humble...even if it's me having to be humbled as a point of reference. I've been wrong before. No big, as it's usually pretty minor, silly stuff.

But I'm not gonna punish the kids for exposing an err in my thinking or actions. I'm not petty, but I can at times hold a bit of a grudge, hahaha

[beelzelboss]

Originally Posted by nutdog

I tell my know-it-all kids when they move out they can do it their way.

That's what my dad does and I hate it. Being a senior in high school, I know he's smarter than me, but he won't even acknowledge a different way of doing something. There's some other underlying problems, but it's at the point where I hate my father, and I can't wait to move out just to be away from him.

If your kid has a different way to do something, hear it out, and if it's not as good, explain why.

My dad just say's that I'm wrong, or that I did something silly or stupid, but with no explanation. It's really annoying. How am I suppose to better myself if I don't know what I did wrong. Or when I ask him why, it's to actually know what he is thinking, not to just be annoying. I want to know what he is thinking, so when I'm on my own, I know to not make the same mistake.

[Kwesi]

Originally Posted by beelzelboss

That's what my dad does and I hate it. Being a senior in high school, I know he's smarter than me, but he won't even acknowledge a different way of doing something. There's some other underlying problems, but it's at the point where I hate my father, and I can't wait to move out just to be away from him.

If your kid has a different way to do something, hear it out, and if it's not as good, explain why.

My dad just say's that I'm wrong, or that I did something silly or stupid, but with no explanation. It's really annoying. How am I suppose to better myself if I don't know what I did wrong. Or when I ask him why, it's to actually know what he is thinking, not to just be annoying. I want to know what he is thinking, so when I'm on my own, I know to not make the same mistake.

I feel the same a lot of the time. The only thing that keeps me from losing it is when I know I'm right and I know my Dad is just being defensive about the subject.

The funny thing is that if he gets a math problem wrong (VERY RARE) and I point out his mistake he gets really happy and pats me on the back and stuff, lol

[jmattbassplaya]

Originally Posted by Kwesi

I feel the same a lot of the time. The only thing that keeps me from losing it is when I know I'm right and I know my Dad is just being defensive about the subject.

The funny thing is that if he gets a math problem wrong (VERY RARE) and I point out his mistake he gets really happy and pats me on the back and stuff, lol

That's just because he's calculating the number of ways he can kill you later if you tell him he's wrong again

[hdracer]

Originally Posted by beelzelboss

That's what my dad does and I hate it. Being a senior in high school, I know he's smarter than me, but he won't even acknowledge a different way of doing something. There's some other underlying problems, but it's at the point where I hate my father, and I can't wait to move out just to be away from him.

If your kid has a different way to do something, hear it out, and if it's not as good, explain why.

My dad just say's that I'm wrong, or that I did something silly or stupid, but with no explanation. It's really annoying. How am I suppose to better myself if I don't know what I did wrong. Or when I ask him why, it's to actually know what he is thinking, not to just be annoying. I want to know what he is thinking, so when I'm on my own, I know to not make the same mistake.

It is called "growing up"
When I was young I thought my father was wrong all the time, by the time I hit my 20's he was only wrong half the time, when I hit my 30's and had my own kids I learned he was right 99.9% of the time.

Quit whining and go do your homework!

[Wyrm74]

You know, it almost doesn't matter if he's right or not on some things because he just has a way he wants to do things. Frankly, it's his house so he gets to do it his way. It may not even be that he dislikes your idea, it's just that he didn't think of it first and he may not want to entertain the way someone else would do something in HIS house. He's the boss, so he gets to make the call! I know it's a weird concept to grasp, but it can be as simple as him maintaining control of what happens under his roof. Try to respect that! Think of all that your dad has had to do on your behalf (and your mom, siblings, etc) to build what he has today. He deserves the right to make the final call.

Now, does that mean you should be disrespected/minimized/trivialized, etc? NO! Of course not. You are an individual with your own thoughts and feelings and your dad realizes that. Why is he happy if you get a math problem right that he missed? Because he loves you and wants you to be better than he is, AND there is no threat to his lordship over the household there! It's his castle, so let him be the king. It's a little thing you can do to show respect. Some of us "old guys" are comfortable with the way things are, and even though there may be a new way that is "better" or more efficient, whatever...we don't care! We understand the old way and are good with it! It doesn't require additional thought! We generally have enough on our plates that adding to it is not welcome as the head-of-house.

When you have finished college, gotten a job, gotten married, paid your dues in life and have your own roof to reside under...you will understand. At least, that's when I finally did!

This may be great advice for you, it may be horrible! It's just a possible explanation as to why things are the way they are. If it helps, great! If not, well...sorry but I tried!

You have always seemed to be a thoughtful young man to me that is respectful of others. I like that! Good luck my virtual friend.

[beelzelboss]

Originally Posted by Wyrm74

You know, it almost doesn't matter if he's right or not on some things because he just has a way he wants to do things. Frankly, it's his house so he gets to do it his way. It may not even be that he dislikes your idea, it's just that he didn't think of it first and he may not want to entertain the way someone else would do something in HIS house. He's the boss, so he gets to make the call! I know it's a weird concept to grasp, but it can be as simple as him maintaining control of what happens under his roof. Try to respect that! Think of all that your dad has had to do on your behalf (and your mom, siblings, etc) to build what he has today. He deserves the right to make the final call.

Now, does that mean you should be disrespected/minimized/trivialized, etc? NO! Of course not. You are an individual with your own thoughts and feelings and your dad realizes that. Why is he happy if you get a math problem right that he missed? Because he loves you and wants you to be better than he is, AND there is no threat to his lordship over the household there! It's his castle, so let him be the king. It's a little thing you can do to show respect. Some of us "old guys" are comfortable with the way things are, and even though there may be a new way that is "better" or more efficient, whatever...we don't care! We understand the old way and are good with it! It doesn't require additional thought! We generally have enough on our plates that adding to it is not welcome as the head-of-house.

When you have finished college, gotten a job, gotten married, paid your dues in life and have your own roof to reside under...you will understand. At least, that's when I finally did!

This may be great advice for you, it may be horrible! It's just a possible explanation as to why things are the way they are. If it helps, great! If not, well...sorry but I tried!

You have always seemed to be a thoughtful young man to me that is respectful of others. I like that! Good luck my virtual friend.

Best advice I've gotten all day. The one thing that bugs me is when he doesn't explain himself. I'm at the point where I'm about to live on my own, so when he does something really different than how I would do it, I would like to know why. He just thinks I'm being an insolent little child when I ask him why.

[Indiana Mike]

As a parent I have realized you teach your kids and part of their character, I said part not all , comes from what you teach them .
So why teach them wrong?
It's tricky but when your wrong and they know it you have to properly admit it.
I have nothing but complete respect for someone who has the balls to admit when they are wrong .
I cannot stand it when the denial or the excuses come out.

That being said one must be careful to avoid embarrassing mistakes to begin with

[hrodbert696]

Well, things like how to set up the printer have never been an issue for me to admit being wrong. "Ah yes, you're right after all. Thanks for fixing it."

What's harder are disciplinary situations when you discover you were unfair or came down too hard on your kids. You don't want to undermine discipline but the kids need to know that you genuinely love them and that you want to treat them justly. There have been a couple of times I've apologized to the kids for this. It's hard to do, but I think it makes the relationship stronger.

[tinman 1967]

Originally Posted by hdracer

It is called "growing up"
When I was young I thought my father was wrong all the time, by the time I hit my 20's he was only wrong half the time, when I hit my 30's and had my own kids I learned he was right 99.9% of the time.

Quit whining and go do your homework!

Aint that the truth!!!!!!!!!!

My dad must have taken smart pills because when I was 16, he was a real dumb ass, when I was 23 he was the smartest man in the world. Now Im 44, my daughter is a real spitfire( like I was at her age) and now Im the jack ass! Boy does my father laugh at me now!!

[Relic]

It's easy. If you're wrong, you admit it. If I'd like my kids to be able to do that in life, I'd better be able to do so otherwise I'd be a bit of a hypocrite.
That, of course is hinging on whether I AM actually wrong or the kids just think I;m wrong. Different story altogether there...

[hover]

funny the balance of the replies from parents and from the kids in this thread. good stuff.

[PSPookie]

Originally Posted by dave64o

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I admit it and apologize to him if I need to. I don't see any other way to handle it.

This

Originally Posted by Relic

It's easy. If you're wrong, you admit it. If I'd like my kids to be able to do that in life, I'd better be able to do so otherwise I'd be a bit of a hypocrite.
That, of course is hinging on whether I AM actually wrong or the kids just think I;m wrong. Different story altogether there...

And this. Kids know what's up. Admitting when you're wrong builds mutual respect. It also teaches kids it's OK to be wrong on occasion.