Plans, Plans, Building Future, etc...

WyrmDL · #1 04-09-2011, 12:31 PM

Somewhat of a rantish reaction to my father's commands.

He demands me to always have strict plans. Short-termed. Long-termed. Plans for the day. Plans for the year, for my career, for my life. His definition of success is stability and money, i.e., the American Dream.

I, on the other hand, have a different stance on life. Call me an immature, unorganized fool, because I am, but I am in no hurry in life. I'm in the lost stage of my life where I'm doubting my major and questioning my passion.

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."

"Sometimes you have to take a step back to leap farther."

Those are some of the things I believe in.

What is your take? I know I'm being a whiny sissy, but this is something that's been on my mind for years; I'm even torn on it.

-Don Nguyen

bassteban · #2 04-09-2011, 12:58 PM

I could/would have benefitted HUGELY from having plans, although I can relate to parent-growing *child* difficulties. Parents often try to *fix* their own personal issues vicariously in their own children- this can be a good thing, if the parents help the kid avoid the *same mistakes* they made, but IME things rarely work out this way. Lessons learnt through one's own f-ups stick far better than stories.
I'd suggest you both attempt to see things from the other's perspective(I realize this may be science-fiction, but a little bit of *give* from either side could be a step in the right direction).
I strongly suggest you try to keep the lines of communication going. Hang in there.

LiquidMidnight · #3 04-09-2011, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassteban

I'd suggest you both attempt to see things from the other's perspective(I realize this may be science-fiction, but a little bit of *give* from either side could be a step in the right direction).

+1

When I read the original post, my most salient thought was to take the "middle road." I agree with the notion of having plans. I know way too many people who don't have much in the way of plans, and they often just coast or are existentially lost in a way. I'm not saying that's what's going to happen to Wyrm, but it's just some wisdom to impart. In my experience, life goes smoother when you have plans and contingency plans. Keep in mind, that plans are always subject to change, and that's not a bad thing.

However, this thing where parents are demanding on their grown children about what to do in life: I just can't get on board with that. Stability is something I personally value, but a large acculmulation of money has never been one of my goals. And not to get all symbolic-interactionist on you all, but I seriously think we, as a society, are going to have to renegotiate the meaning of the American Dream; 'cause with a shrinking middle-class, job instability, and losing the economic world power race, I just don't think the traditional American Dream is going to be much of a reality anymore.

Jimbob Jones · #4 04-09-2011, 01:37 PM

Definitely finish your major, then decide what to do; I have to say that 90% of the unhappy people I currently know are the same: intellegent, but could never be bothered to work during higher education, as everything just fell into their laps throughout the school system. (I'm not saying that this is you, just that I know many people who dropped majors/degrees and now regret it)

Personally, I have directions, not plans. I know what I'm doing for the next 2-3 years, but after that I have no idea what's going to happen. I know I'll be well set to do something, but I don't have a set 'plan' of where I want to be in 5-10 years.

MakiSupaStar · #5 04-09-2011, 01:37 PM

Divide your time up between progressing with a plan and improvising. A lot of good stuff can come out of those improvised periods. You shouldn't ever eliminate it arbitrarily. You won't have as much of it as you grow older.

nocontrols · #6 04-09-2011, 10:59 PM

I agree with a "middle of the road" approach. You should have some ambition and some sense of where you'd like to end up but you've got to be flexible and there is no reason to demand you have your ENTIRE life squared away before you've started. You'll find that the more precise your plans, the more nature will just erode them away. But you need to know where you'd like to be and you need to work on getting there, preferably on your own terms. Otherwise, you'll go nowhere.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbob Jones

Personally, I have directions, not plans.

^^ Solid. I like this.

And can I just say that your dad sounds like kind of a dick? There is truth to what he's saying but he's not entirely right. Although you will find that there is an element of correctness to his words, there is no reason to be a dick about it. I've found that the autonomy adulthood affords you, specifically the freedom to leave home and tell your parents to go screw themselves if they want to talk down to you and treat you poorly, is very freeing. Of course, you'll find that their words did have some wisdom and you're better off listening and being inspired by what they're saying but you shouldn't have to feel harassed about it.

nocontrols · #7 04-09-2011, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiquidMidnight

+1

When I read the original post, my most salient thought was to take the "middle road." I agree with the notion of having plans. I know way too many people who don't have much in the way of plans, and they often just coast or are existentially lost in a way. I'm not saying that's what's going to happen to Wyrm, but it's just some wisdom to impart. In my experience, life goes smoother when you have plans and contingency plans. Keep in mind, that plans are always subject to change, and that's not a bad thing.

However, this thing where parents are demanding on their grown children about what to do in life: I just can't get on board with that. Stability is something I personally value, but a large acculmulation of money has never been one of my goals. And not to get all symbolic-interactionist on you all, but I seriously think we, as a society, are going to have to renegotiate the meaning of the American Dream; 'cause with a shrinking middle-class, job instability, and losing the economic world power race, I just don't think the traditional American Dream is going to be much of a reality anymore.

I agree with this! This is all very good advice!

Money-chasing and stereotypical notions of "the American dream" are not for everyone. Do what you want. But please, for your own sake, want to do something. Work towards a goal. Life will be better that way.

UncleFluffy · #8 04-09-2011, 11:13 PM

What's the Eisenhower quote?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dwight Eisenhower

In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable."

In other words, the understanding of a situation you get by thinking things through - whatever it is - will always have value. A step-by-step schedule, not so valuable. That's for machines, not people.

Apart from that, a solid +1 to taking the middle road.

WyrmDL · #9 04-10-2011, 08:40 AM

Thanks for the advice everyone, I really appreciate it!

I was kind of in a foul mood after I was demanded to schedule my day and lectured about efficiency in life yesterday. However, later that day, I got super-inspired after reading up on finding a vocation and how it works (Art of Manliness).

I do know that I have a general idea of where I want to be, but I don't know what that exactly is.

EDIT: Here is the article that I found after I did some exploration on life stuff - http://artofmanliness.com/2010/05/24...is-a-vocation/

There's five parts, and it instantly clicked when I read through it.

Deluge Of Sound · #10 04-10-2011, 10:32 AM

That's a strange site.

But there's lots of great advice being thrown out here, so I'll just +1 the whole thing.

Pilgrim · #11 04-10-2011, 10:47 AM

That would have generated a short non-discussion from me...

"Dad, I am not interested in that kind of planning, and I doubt I ever will be. Get off my back about it. Not gonna happen, and the more you bug me about it, the more I'm gonna resist."

People who have to plan everything bug the living hell out of me. I know many of them are nice people, but I don't let them impose their obsessions on me.

I have always had a general idea of where I was headed next, but no more than that. Life is going to surprise you, and you need to deal with it. I'm sitting at a great university, with a PhD, making a good living and getting to play with technology all day. Not bad.

GRAHAM SG1 · #12 04-10-2011, 02:06 PM

I am not sure it is wise to have `plans` these days, there is very little stability in the work marketplace, years ago (1978) I started work as a Gas Engineering Technician Apprentice and worked hard to get the qualification, I did that job for 20 years then left to my current job as a Sprinkler system designer, I think as long as you work hard to get a trade, skill and qualifications that others need and will pay you for then you will have some stability in life, some have big ambitions and do achieve them but generally we have to accept what is available, having qualifications or a trade gives you a bit more choice .
I think its good to have a bit of a long term plan like a pension scheme as nobody wants to live in poverty when they are older, many people in the UK dont pay into a pension which is ok now but when they are old they will have to live off the state pension which is not a lot .