Please share your coming out story !

[MAJOR METAL]

This is a thread to share your coming out story. I will be sure to share mine when I feel more capable with my writing abilities.

[Evil Undead]

My mum cried when I told her. She told my dad, who then didn't speak to me for a week. And when I told my sister, she said she already knew

That was nearly 12 years ago and they've been very supportive ever since.

I don't know how to tell them that I would like to change gender though. That will be tough. I'll put that off for a few more years, until I have the guts to start the process of changing.

[MatticusMania]

I never really came out to my family. I think they all thought I was gay, and when they found out I was dating girls were like "Well, ok". They can think what they want, because my sexuality doesnt define who I am.

The first person I really "came out" to was my girlfriend, as I felt it was something to be put on the table if we got serious. That was made a bit easier when I found out she was also bi.

Ive dropped hints to other friends in the past, and have told a handful of people, but I dont know, nor do I care, how many people really know. I guess you could say I never really came out of the closet, cuz there never was any closet to begin with.

[Radical Edward]

Alrighty. I'll bite.

When I was 12 or 13 I realized that I was interested in the same sex. I didn't tell anyone about it until I was 18. I remember having the conversation with my sister.. We were walking down the street to the party store and she was going on about a friend of her's who had told her that they they were lesbian and she was going on about how she couldn't believe it, because her friend didn't seem the "type" and she turned to me and said, "Know what I mean?" I just smiled and rather shyly said, "Well.. I don't know if you've figured this out yet, but I'm bi."
She just goes, "Oh. Well, I didn't mean it like that."
Heh. She then proceeded to spread the news amongst my family and to this day my older brother makes a point to tell me how I'm going to hell and all of that jazz, every time I see him.
So yeah, I suppose it could've gone worse. :P I don't really mind telling people now and I don't really care what people think anymore, but when I was younger it was rather difficult to deal with. I hope more peeps are willing to be accepting and understanding, or at least tolerant, of others in the future. It'd be a nice change, for sure. ^_^

[TBird1958]

My coming out really marks a big turning point in my life, at the time I was married to a straight women and had been for 6 years plus 2 years of dating. She happen to go away for a weekend and an old habit came back to me..... Crossdressing, I really hadn't done it much if at all during this period in my life. Upon my wife's return I summoned up the courage to tell her because I didn't feel it to be a good idea to hide it - While on the surface she said it was ok, in fact it was not, our marriage was somewhat strained at the time and this didn't help - probably it was the straw that broke the Camel's back.....My soon to be Ex outed me to all her friends as we separated and later divorced (this was early '97 so long healed wounds), and I had to tell my own family and friends- which is always very difficult, you really find who your friends are!
Up to that point I was still straight but knew that I was at least comfortable about sex with a person of the same gender and since I was now single and with the help of the Internet the oppourtunity to connect with Seattle's Crossdressing community brought me in contact with a new group of very accepting friends, and yes, gay sex happened So since late 1997 I've been open about my sexuality at my job and with anybody that knows me a little, it's quite liberating to not hide it or live in any sort of fear about being found out, much easier to be proud.
Coming out has of course lead to my being in The Nasty Habits, I've always wanted to play the bass dressed up in somewhat outrageous fashion like the Glam Rock heros of my youth......It hurt to lose my wife and some friends, but my family and my real friends plus my new ones have more than made up for the loss - I don't regret coming out, rather, it's let me be happy and love my life even more.

[SamanthaCay]

I decided in 2005 that I needed to come out.
I made a plan to move to Denver and get on my feet financially before making it happen.
So I moved out here and long story short, failed and had to move back to south east Missouri where I am from.
Being in the situation I was in, living in a not so friendly part of the country with my father who was one of the scariest people to come out to, I was very depressed.

One day I decided to see if there where any other trans bass players out in the world.
I was looking for someone I could talk to and it seemed like it might be worth a shot.
I stumbled across a woman by the name of Jennifer Leitham.
For those of you who don't know her, she is an amazingly talented jazz bassist who has played professionally for many years.
After reading everything on her website and abroad I thought it would be a long shot that she would ever reply to email, but she did.

I was incredibly winy and hopelessly depressed.
The emails I sent to her where pretty bad not just from a grammar and spelling point of view but from the way of being a total debby downer as well.

She put up with it and read them anyways, she wrote back, lifted my spirits and eventually showed me a little tough love by way of giving me some options as to how to come out and telling me, in so many words, quit your bitch'en and make it happen.
For that I feel I will forever owe her a great deal of respect and much love, I truly feel as though she saved my life.

What I ended up doing was consolidating a bunch of my gear and having a sell off so that I could afford to move back to Denver.
Once I had my finances together I called my mother and came out to her over the phone.
She didn't really understand and it took a lot of explaining on my part so that she would at least have a basic Idea of what I was telling her.
She was accepting, she just literally had no clue what the word transsexual really meant.
I remember her saying “I don't understand why wouldn't you just tell me you're gay, I don't know what transsexual means”.

She asked if I had come out to anyone else, I said I hadn't except for a small hand full of strangers and people online.
She said she was surprised I came out to her first and not either of my two sisters.
I told her you can tell them if you want and explained how hard it was to tell people.
We ended the conversation with talk of me moving back and how I would need some support once I got there.
She told my sisters days later and both where accepting and at the time supportive.
So with that I made the move about a month later.

It's funny during that time I was over at my friend Steve's house working on some music he had a bunch of 20 something year old neighbors that lived upstairs.
One of them came down and said that there was a girl up there doing tarot card readings and that we should check it out, Steve made a joke and said lets see if we can throw her off.

We went up there and he got his reading first, he was in disbelief at how cool and accurate it was,
then it was my turn.

Accurate it was! all the cards she pulled that represented me where female.
It made me nerves as hell, there where a lot of people there many of whom I didn't know.
I looked over at Steve when she was done and as one of them said oh my god he throw her off and everyone began to laugh Steve wasn't laughing.
It was like everything he had previously questioned about me in his head had finally clicked.
Twas quite bizarre.

After moving to Denver I eventually came out to my father, I wrote him a letter and it took everything in my power to drop it in the mail box.
Three months went by before I herd back and when he finally called I couldn't answer.
He called my sister, she called me and told me that he was cool with it and then when he called the next day we talked.

To sum this up, I could give you all the details of coming out to all my friends, coworkers and distant family but perhaps I 'll save that for later.

~Samantha.

[SamanthaCay]

^Is that post long enough for you all?^
If not let me know and I'll make it longer.

[mikerophone]

i didn't come out so much as i just acted as though i were never in the closet to begin with. at least, that's how i'd like to think about it. when i decided i was ready to start dating, i just went ahead and did that. my friends figured it out and it wasn't a big deal to anybody. it wasn't til my family friended me on facebook that they found out (for sure).

being in a relationship helped me not be afraid of anyone learning about my being gay. love is courage, i guess.

[EdHunter]

As a straight guy, I've got a question. Is it easier to deal with/relate to/work with emotional issues of the more affectionate nature with partners (of any level of commitment) of the same gander? Or do the same sorts of issues that get in the way of girl-guy/guy-girl interactions still arise?

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by EdHunter

As a straight guy, I've got a question. Is it easier to deal with/relate to/work with emotional issues of the more affectionate nature with partners (of any level of commitment) of the same gander? Or do the same sorts of issues that get in the way of girl-guy/guy-girl interactions still arise?

IMO, people are people. Gay or straight, two people in a relationship will have issues over something at some point. Two people who are not compatable (gay or straight) will have significantly more issues that two people who are.

[Thor]

See a few of my CWB's here, not any surprises really. Just helping keep things civil.

MOD NOTE: If you can't be civil, don't post or troll here. None of us mods care for that, as you will find out.

[EdHunter]

Originally Posted by MatticusMania

IMO, people are people. Gay or straight, two people in a relationship will have issues over something at some point. Two people who are not compatable (gay or straight) will have significantly more issues that two people who are.

Righto, I was just wondering if there was some sort of innate understanding within genders, because in my experience there's always been something I've not got about girls (which other girls seem not to notice) but had no such issues with blokes.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by EdHunter

Righto, I was just wondering if there was some sort of innate understanding within genders, because in my experience there's always been something I've not got about girls (which other girls seem not to notice) but had no such issues with blokes.

Are you into guys in that way? Or do you mean you dont have issues with guys as friends?

[EdHunter]

Originally Posted by MatticusMania

Are you into guys in that way? Or do you mean you dont have issues with guys as friends?

As in friends/everyday stuff. As much as I support and respect homosexuals, I'm a confirmed (though ineffectual) hetero.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by EdHunter

As in friends/everyday stuff. As much as I support and respect homosexuals, I'm a confirmed (though ineffectual) hetero.

And thats probably why you find it easier to get along with (or understand) guys. Its much easier to "get" people once you remove the sexual tension.

[john grey]

My brother passed away many years ago but he came out to me & it didn't make any difference to me at all: I guessed at it for years. However in my culture it's a big deal. We ALL got the strict upbringing and he was very concerned about hearing about going to hell and the whole deal. (this is more than three decades ago). I started getting tired of it because he was my brother & I cared a lot about how he felt. So I started reading about going to Hell. And if one were to adhere to that agenda in the USA we couldn't play football either because that's touching a dead pig which is the same level of inappropriate behavior & damnation.
I personally don't think that sexuality defines a person. I always thought how they interacted with others defined them. But superficialities are a big deal to some people & frankly I think sexual attraction is actually lightweight. I suppose that's because I'm getting a lot older :->

[Fassa Albrecht]

My coming out has been the process of pretty much a lifetime's doubt, hating myself, experimentation and then acceptance.

I was aware of my sexual feelings towards girls and guys by the age of 12. At first it was written off, by both me and everyone around me, as little more than a phase. And to be honest, in my highly homophobic working-class low-standard school, it was better for me to give that impression. I didn't need the hassle.

I got to college and it was a relief to find some more relaxed and more accepting attitude, although for some reason (mostly to do with religious reasons) I couldn't say out loud ''I'm bisexual'. I was heavily ashamed still.

I was finally forced to admit that I was bisexual after a nasty incident in which I tried to have sexual relations with a girl who it turned out was a girl a flatmate of mine was trying to get with.

Eventually I decided that I was going to tell people the truth about me and if they didn't like it, it was their problem. Some of my more conservative/religious friends did turn their backs. But people around me accepted me and I felt happier as a result.

Most of my family know now as well, and it seems that my mother already knows about both my bisexuality and my transgender issues, without me telling her.

As for the actual transgender issues, I knew from 5 years old that something wasn't right. I was raised by my grandparents in a very conservative environment, where there were very definite ideas about what girls and boys did, said and thought. But to me, this seemed alien to me. Fast forward to school and the problems became much more apparent to me that I wasn't going to fit into any group of girls, and for myself the feeling I wasn't a girl was present even at that young age.

I just felt completely alienated, especially in secondary school where the gender split was even more of a deal than in primary school. A lot of stuff in my school was gender segregated, such as gym class, and I hated this, partially as a lot of the girl's activities were often watered down for me. I even asked if I could take gym class in the boys class, where I could do the things I wanted, including play my favorite sport, full-tackle rugby union.

In university I began to crossdress a lot and I also had around me a lot of people who were either gay or transgendered. I also found myself in a lot of situations which were male-dominant, and I found myself increasingly happy because when I was in those situations, surrounded by men, dressed as one, acting like a guy, I felt like I could finally relax and that far from feeling alienated, it felt familar. I became a lot happier as a result. I finally realized clearly that I really did feel like a man in a woman's body.

[MAJOR METAL]

Coming out as a Gay Homosexual was a pretty tough experience for me having been raised in a Conservative Irish Catholic environment. I was 22 and in my last year of undergraduate study at University. I found myself at significant cross road as to what I was going to do with what was left of my life. At the same time I was growing increasingly disgusted with my planned vocation in life in part to the emancipation of mind in the course of my Philosophy studies as well as nearly five years at that point of very up close observation of the institution.
The first person I ended up coming out to was my little Sister. We were at a Chinese restaurant and I decided now is the time to do this. It was such a nerve racking experience that I couldent even touch the food I had ordered after I had told my Sister.The first few times I came out it involved about 30 minutes of beating around the bush to finally get down to it. One thing I have learned is that coming out is not a onetime deal, it’s a continual process.

[neurotictim]

I had to come out to my closest friends (gay men and women) as the token straight guy.

I don't know if they'll ever recover.

Seriously, though - I tell people I'm the gayest straight man they'll ever meet, and the only man who TRULY deserves to be called a lesbian. My best friend is now officially allowed to come out at work, as of yesterday, and it's kind of a big deal. Shame she's not a bassist.

[Mark Plays Bass]

Originally Posted by MAJOR METAL

... One thing I have learned is that coming out is not a onetime deal, it’s a continual process.

Amen to that! I first came out in 1976 and it's still a pain in the ass to have to deal with it in every new situation.