Pregnant Fiance wants zero affection

blendermassacre · #1 10-13-2012, 06:52 PM

So I know a lot of you guys are dads, so I thought I'd ask for some advice / thoughts.

Mu fiance is 6 months pregnant. After about a month of her being pregnant, she has wanted nothing to do with me. Very rarely she'll let me give her a kiss on the mouth, sometimes she'll want a hug, and sex is way out of the question. Obviously, I've got only 3 months left but it's wearing on me and causing our only fights. It's hard because she was all over me before she was pregnant. I get that she's not into it, but it really sucks.

Anyone else go through this?

HaMMerHeD · #2 10-13-2012, 06:56 PM

Hm. My wife was significantly more affectionate and...ardently...concupiscent...when she was pregnant.

But I am made to understand that the opposite does happen with some pregnant women. She will probably come back around after the birth, but it will probably take a few months.

MarthaSamira · #3 10-13-2012, 06:57 PM

Hormonal changes, oxytocin, feeling fat and ugly, blah, blah, blah...

Very, very common. If you keep bugging her it'll get worse. Leave the girl alone.

tastybasslines · #4 10-13-2012, 07:00 PM

Just be there for her. Carrying a baby is something so difficult, it's beyond our understanding. Offer her a foot rub or massage, it will be hard for her not to reciprocate.

blendermassacre · #5 10-13-2012, 07:00 PM

We've had a lot of stress, and that's obviously not helping. I know a lot of women are the opposite during pregnancy, but she wants nothing to do with me. She will talk and act normal that way, but when it comes to affection, it's just out if the question. She doesn't even want to cuddle. It's been a long 6 months.

blendermassacre · #6 10-13-2012, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarthaSamira

Hormonal changes, oxytocin, feeling fat and ugly, blah, blah, blah...

Very, very common. If you keep bugging her it'll get worse. Leave the girl alone.

During the first few months of it, I would try to initiate things, and every once in a while she would oblige,but I've sworn off of trying for any sort of sex, trying to be understanding and respectful.

I'm trying to not be needing affection, but it's really hard. I get that I'm in the home stretch, so I'm trying to just wait it out, but i was more curious to see if anyone else has dealt with it

blendermassacre · #7 10-13-2012, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tastybasslines

Just be there for her. Carrying a baby is something so difficult, it's beyond our understanding. Offer her a foot rub or massage, it will be hard for her not to reciprocate.

I've tried. She doesn't want me to touch her.

Truktek2 · #8 10-13-2012, 07:07 PM

Wait till the baby's born. Oh boy, this comimg from a dad with a 7 and 5 year old. You will take a back seat to the child. Get used to it, but it will get better! (I'm hoping)........

blendermassacre · #9 10-13-2012, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truktek2

Wait till the baby's born. Oh boy, this comimg from a dad with a 7 and 5 year old. You will take a back seat to the child. Get used to it, but it will get better! (I'm hoping)........

She has kids (4) from before I was around. I'm used to dad being the lowest on the totum pole.

I hope it gets better too. I have a friend who's wife was like this until their son was 1 1/2.

bassictraining · #10 10-13-2012, 07:14 PM

That is not your fiance. I repeat that is not your fiance. It is an alien from another planet who will rip off your head and poop down your neckhole if you offend it.

In a year or so, the alien will go back to the home planet and your fiance will have no memory of any of this.

Take advantage of the time. Play bass. Stay focused on how awesome that kid is gonna be and learn whatever you can from this. You will make it!!

MarthaSamira · #11 10-13-2012, 07:14 PM

Some pregnant woman find the scent of her man utterly repulsive.
Others get angry because you're the guy who did it to her.
Others get depressive.
Many women can't even think about sex if they aren't feeling attractive.
Some can't even stand the partner's voice.

It's a natural thing and sometimes the situation improves after the baby is born, sometimes it doesn't.

Got to be patient now...

scubaduba · #12 10-13-2012, 07:15 PM

Be thankful she hasn't had complications and that she's not on bed rest.

Truktek2 · #13 10-13-2012, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blendermassacre

She has kids (4) from before I was around. I'm used to dad being the lowest on the totum pole.

I hope it gets better too. I have a friend who's wife was like this until their son was 1 1/2.

Oh, so then all I can recommend is beer.........PLENTY of beer!

spade2you · #14 10-13-2012, 07:18 PM

Mine cut me off since she got pregnant. We now have a 3 month old and my odds are just about the same.

blendermassacre · #15 10-13-2012, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spade2you

Mine cut me off since she got pregnant. We now have a 3 month old and my odds are just about the same.

It takes two months or so for the hormones to clear out, fyi
It will hopefully get better soon, my friend.

blendermassacre · #16 10-13-2012, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scubaduba

Be thankful she hasn't had complications and that she's not on bed rest.

I totally am. We've had some scares, but everything has been okay.

blendermassacre · #17 10-13-2012, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarthaSamira

Some pregnant woman find the scent of her man utterly repulsive.
Others get angry because you're the guy who did it to her.
Others get depressive.
Many women can't even think about sex if they aren't feeling attractive.
Some can't even stand the partner's voice.

It's a natural thing and sometimes the situation improves after the baby is born, sometimes it doesn't.

Got to be patient now...

All of this sounds about right. She told me that she was this way with all but one pregnancy, so I'm thinking it will go back to normal sooner rather than later.

I'm really, honestly, having more of a hard time dealing with not being affectionate more than not having sex because she ( before) and I are both really touchy feely and openly affectionate.

MarthaSamira · #18 10-13-2012, 07:40 PM

If she's talking things are not that bad.

For you to understand what she's feeling now, try to picture a hairy, sweaty guy trying to hug you and kiss you in the mouth. (Of course, I'm assuming you're a hetero male).

Think about it...

tastybasslines · #19 10-13-2012, 08:25 PM

Isn't what makes this so common is that there a deep resentment that she's the one carrying the baby and the men don't have to?

hover · #20 10-13-2012, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tastybasslines

Isn't what makes this so common is that there a deep resentment that she's the one carrying the baby and the men don't have to?

well that would go hand in hand with men who are not sympathetic to and understanding of the process of carrying a child to term creates profound changes to the Mother physically and psychologically...only with the latter, the women can't help it and the bigger issue is the guys are usually just being selfish.

Not saying that is the case with ole Blender here, as he is showing very well that he understands....it is most certainly a rough time...and tho it sucks now, you guys *should* be stronger for it.

I wish you luck. Continue to be one of the good guys that nurtures and supports, like I know you are.