A question about parents( or to them for that matter)

MadMan118 · #1 06-06-2010, 12:02 AM

My parents have never been particularly enthused about me driving. They refused to teach me how to drive, I had to walk to all my DMV appts, they never bothered to help my buy a car. And to this day refuse to enter a car of which I am driving. While hate is a strong word I really really don't like my parents. They're cold, callous, rude, pushy, ignorant people. But the whole driving thing was and is still the worst. And honestly as immature as it might sound I still ask "*** was their issue". Yes ive tried talking to them about it but it was about as productive as sticking my tongue in a light bulb socket. So i guess what im asking for is some insight as to why my (or perhaps all) [parents have some innate phobia of their offspring driving.

machine gewehr · #2 06-06-2010, 07:35 AM

Roads are dangerous,you are their precious.Some parents are way too protective over their kids.A friend of mine had a "freak" as a mother in protectivity perspective.

coreyfyfe · #3 06-06-2010, 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MadMan118

They're cold, callous, rude, pushy, ignorant people. But the whole driving thing was and is still the worst. And honestly as immature as it might sound I still ask "*** was their issue".

That sound's like a parenting win to me. They should know you're going to have to drive. This is a driving country (ie public transportation outside of major cities blows) so it's going to have to happen, and it would be in their best interests, if they wish to protect you, to pass on their knowledge and skills behind the wheel to allow you to blossom into a productive member of society.

i_got_a_mohawk · #4 06-06-2010, 07:58 AM

How old are you OP?

And regarding not buying/helping to buy a car. Well, other than the fact that they don't need to help with that luxury. There is something else to consider. Think about how many younger folk wipe themselves out on the roads.

My godfather bought a motorbike for his son. Literally only a few weeks later he was killed by a driver who didn't see him. That was over 20 years ago. My godfather still blames himself because he bought the bike, and if he hadn't his son wouldn't have had one. My parents take the same stance, even if they were to win the lottory I know they wouldn't buy my brother or I a car, on the same premise.

MakiSupaStar · #5 06-06-2010, 08:32 AM

I had to buy my folks car off them with my own money. 3k for a 79 chevy impala in 1987.

emor · #6 06-06-2010, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MadMan118

I really really don't like my parents. They're cold, callous, rude, pushy, ignorant people.

I can't imagine why they wouldn't buy you a car.

mike_v_s · #7 06-06-2010, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

I had to buy my folks car off them with my own money. 3k for a 79 chevy impala in 1987.

When it came time to upgrade my mother's work car, mine was dead in front of the house. I told them I'd be interested in buying it (my mother's car). My dad traded it in and told me if I was still interested that the dealership would likely cut me a deal to avoid having to clean it up for sale.

To the OP: I can'r comment on your situation specifically, but to answer you last question.... it's a scary thought that your offspring will get behind the wheel of a car after a crappy driver's ed. session. We were 16 once and we share the road with 16 year olds daily. We know how bad they drive, even if they don't want to admit it. We fear that our child will either be the crappy 16 year old driver or the victim of one.

Mike

EDIT: yes, I know not all young drivers suck and exposure is going to change perception (my 37 mile commute in the morning is full of crappy 40 year old drivers), but stats more or less back up my opinion.

ehque · #8 06-06-2010, 08:48 AM

My dad's cool and all but he will never let me or my brother ride. 10 or so years as a rider and appox an accident a year, always due to some idiot in a car, pretty much sealed that.

No problems with driving though.

Steve · #9 06-06-2010, 09:18 AM

Assuming you are in th new driver age group of 16-17 years old...

That really is the center of the age when you are supposed to hate your parents.
It's also the center of the age group where your parents are supposed to hate you.

Teenage angst...kids these days, when I was his age...It'll pass. Not as quickly as either side would like but, it'll pass.

The whole not teaching your kid to drive seems kind of stupid I will admit. It's in everyones best interest that you be properly trained unless, your parents can't drive for **** either.

I know my father was a complete fanatical bastard when he was teaching my sister and I. A glass of water on the dash board..."Don't spill the water or the lesson is over for today."..."You will not take your driving test until you pass my test..."it was brutal.

On the other hand, I can parallel park a windowless van when the space is on the passenger side first time every time.

50% of the time you can't even see the dent

I'd be pretty reluctant to get into a car with a young, driver of unknown ability on the California highway system as well. Alaska...not so much.

To answer the main question: Because parents know how big of an I'm-going-to-live-forever-nothing-bad-will-ever-happen-to-me moron they were when they first got behind the wheel of an automobile

**Staccato** · #10 06-06-2010, 09:28 AM

In your defense: parents that teach defensive driving, basic driving skills, and the rules of the road are helping their kids learn survival techniques.

As a son of a military jet pilot, if my father had not imparted basic driving skills to his two sons, it would have been very unfortunate.

Every driver should understand their limitations, and also learn to control a car on snow, ice (if they are going to drive in such), and how not to adversely react to hydroplaning conditions, or park it with no experience or basic training in adverse conditions. If I'm on the road in lousy conditions, the scared drivers or those lacking basic confidence in those conditions need to be parked somewhere, and not putting others at risk. My experience is behind some on this site, and totals about 1.2 million miles driven in autos with a significant portion of that in midwestern winter conditions. One key is learning as much as possible before ever driving (coaching, class, or discussion) or very early in the experience. Keyword: Mentor!

-John

iammr2 · #11 06-06-2010, 10:29 AM

MadMan, allow me to play devils advocate here so please look at this with an open mind. Remember, there are three sides to every story. There's your side, their side, and the cold, hard truth. I have to ASSUME you're about 16 from your post because you didn't put it in your profile.

They may not see you as responsible enough to drive. If you are about 16, your profile shows you have 9 basses and 3 amp rigs. Are you fiscally responsible? How did you get enough money to buy all that equipment? Did you work for it? Driving is not a right, it's a privilege. You need to be responsible enough to move 4000lbs of steel through society without killing anyone or causing property damage. In their view, they may be being more socially responsible by not letting you drive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MadMan118

While hate is a strong word I really really don't like my parents. They're cold, callous, rude, pushy, ignorant people.

You've just insulted what should be the two most important people to you in front of the WHOLE WORLD whether you're going through the "I hate my parents" stage or not. This is, of course, ASSUMING your parents are normal people. Doesn't show very much respect. Is this how you act towards them? Can they take you out with their friends and not have you act up? Do you refuse to listen to them? Before you talk about them like that, go take a good long hard look in the mirror and make sure you aren't treating them in that fashion.

Sounds to me, and I'm just guessing, the problem isn't with your driving. It's with the relationship you have with your parents and how you handle it. That's what you need to be talking to them about. Until that is fixed, doesn't sound like they are going to help you out much on anything. Get them to talk and listen carefully to their point of view. Take what they say very seriously. Don't forget that they have a generations worth of experience in life more than you and you'd be wise to listen to them.

Once again, MadMan, this is all ASSUMING your parents(and you) are normal people. If you go back and think about how you've treated them and can find no error on your part, and they are actually as bad as you describe above, you'll just have to cope with it until your of legal age to move out on your own.

MadMan118 · #12 06-06-2010, 10:47 AM

I can see where you guys are coming from and all that good stuff. But I'm not some 16 year old kid living with mom and dad. I am a self supporting 24 year old with his own life. Though I obliviously don't act like it. I'e been driving on some pretty craptastic/dangerous roads for a while so I can guess my driving isn't dangerous. Mostly I see where you're comming from, but its hard to explain my parents on the internet. They're just the two strangest people I've ever met, and it often leads to clashes of intrest.

Munjibunga · #13 06-06-2010, 10:48 AM

I'm not going to let my daughter drive until she graduates from veterinary school or I die, whichever comes first. Naw, naw, naw ... I'll probably let her get her license when she's 25.

vene-nemesis · #14 06-06-2010, 10:49 AM

Out there are really awful, hateful, useless, inmature parents too. IMO you should love people who deserve it, so the whole "your parents should be your most beloved" is a very inmature posture.

To the OP, one nice thing about life is that older people under natural circumstances will usually die before you. I dont really care if its you or your parents who are right, either way I totally recomend you to go to a proper therapy, get over it and start living a life where youre happy and able to decide what kind of people you want around you while making the right decisions.

LiquidMidnight · #15 06-06-2010, 10:52 AM

I totally understand the fear that someone you love is getting in a vehicle and driving. We don't think about it when we are doing it, but driving is pretty serious business.

With that said, your parents seriously need to buck up. While driving is technically a privilege rather than a right, being able to do it is pretty much a necessity in this world. Unless, of course, someone's planning to live within walking or biking distance of shopping centers, physicians' officies, and their place of employment for the rest of his or her life. My mother never got her license, and while she never missed a day of work or any of her other responsibilities because of it, it did create a pain in the ass for my family at the least and a strain at the worst. If you want to be self-sufficient in your life, you're going to have to be able to drive (at least in America, other places with better mass transportation may be different).

Munjibunga · #16 06-06-2010, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MadMan118

I can see where you guys are coming from and all that good stuff. But I'm not some 16 year old kid living with mom and dad. I am a self supporting 24 year old with his own life. Though I obliviously don't act like it. I'e been driving on some pretty craptastic/dangerous roads for a while so I can guess my driving isn't dangerous. Mostly I see where you're comming from, but its hard to explain my parents on the internet. They're just the two strangest people I've ever met, and it often leads to clashes of intrest.

You're 24, and you want your parents to buy you a car? Or what? What do your parents have to do with your driving? Are you living with them? What's going on here? If you dislike them so much, why do you keep them in a position of power over you?

LiquidMidnight · #17 06-06-2010, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

You're 24, and you want your parents to buy you a car? Or what? What do your parents have to do with your driving? Are you living with them? What's going on here? If you dislike them so much, why do you keep them in a position of power over you?

I don't want to speak for him, but in his original post, Madmen spoke about his parents helping him with a car in the past tense. I think he was setting the backdrop for his rant.

i_got_a_mohawk · #18 06-06-2010, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MadMan118

I can see where you guys are coming from and all that good stuff. But I'm not some 16 year old kid living with mom and dad. I am a self supporting 24 year old with his own life. Though I obliviously don't act like it. I'e been driving on some pretty craptastic/dangerous roads for a while so I can guess my driving isn't dangerous. Mostly I see where you're comming from, but its hard to explain my parents on the internet. They're just the two strangest people I've ever met, and it often leads to clashes of intrest.

Hmm, you're the same age as me.

Something that I find interesting here.

You claim to be self supporting, but are complaining that your parents won't drive you to the DMV and won't buy or help you buy a car?

Darkstrike · #19 06-06-2010, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

You claim to be self supporting, but are complaining that your parents won't drive you to the DMV and won't buy or help you buy a car?

He's talking about the past, clearly stated in the OP.

LiquidMidnight · #20 06-06-2010, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

Hmm, you're the same age as me.

Something that I find interesting here.

You claim to be self supporting, but are complaining that your parents won't drive you to the DMV and won't buy or help you buy a car?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MadMan118

My parents have never been particularly enthused about me driving. They refused to teach me how to drive, I had to walk to all my DMV appts, they never bothered to help my buy a car.

Past tense my friends - He's setting the backdrop about things that happened in the past. MadMan's not saying:

Quote:

My parents are not enthused about me driving. They refuse to teach me how to drive, I have to walk to all my DMV appts, they are not bothering to help my buy a car.

P.S. Darkstrike beat me to it.