Question for all you dad (and moms) out there

[Relic]

Kind of an odd question but I'm curious as to how all you parents out there deal with this:

How do you come to grips with the fact that your kids are growing up??

Seriously.... when I was younger, I was a party animal and a bit of a free-spirit/wanderer. Kind of like a ship with a broken rudder, I just ended up wherever fate took me. Once my first son was born, I actually found exactly what it was that my life was missing. It's was crazy how rapidly my life changed.
And I pretty much never want to go back.
Being a dad pretty much grounded me and made me look at life completely differently. Now? That same first kid who grounded my arse is 16 and starting to talk about college and moving away in a couple of years... the middle son is almost a teenager and the youngest - the baby- is now in kindergarten. While I'm proud of them in every way shape and form, I'm already starting to get that feeling of "woah, they're growing up waaaay too fast, what am I gonna do when they're all moved away..?" even though that's realistically a long way off.
I'm just curious as to how other parents, especially those with older kids, deal with that?
Non-parents feel free to comment, not trying to disinclude anyone..

[bassteban]

I struggle w/the same things- mine are 11, 9 & 5. Moderate drinking seems to help. I'm watching for the mid-life crisis, too. No easy answer, I'm thinking...

[Strat-Mangler]

My opinion : parents subconsciously think they're "losing" their kid the more they become independent. But you're not losing a kid ; you're gaining a new adult in your life that can become a good friend.

You'll always be "dad" no matter what. I still have questions for my dad every month or so and I'm 33.

My theory is that being a parent means you're constantly supervising every moment of your child's life up to a point (and you're reaching it), at which point there will seem like there could be a void in your life. You could fill it with stuff you enjoy but could never do due to lack of time.

Good luck!

[kesslari]

Being a parent is a huge set of life lessons, and a spiritual path if you let it be.
From the beginning, it's about letting go, with increasing amounts of letting go as they get older.
Trust is key - you have to trust that you instilled good values/beliefs/habits early, because when they're in their mistake-making years they will test your faith - just as we did to our parents years back.
It's bittersweet, more sweet than bitter...

[Staccato]

It can be difficult and heartbreaking to see kids move across country for higher education, jobs, adventure or marriage. Communicating with them (not just you contacting them-but them contacting you-like they care) can make a huge difference. They may consciously decide to and/or learn to avoid advice, and look for other things to talk about with their parents, and grandparents.

[MatticusMania]

Its funny how time is so relative. After living for 13 years you look back and think that time has been slow going. Then, at 26, it feels as though the last 13 years have gone by four times as fast. I was 12 when my oldest niece was born and now she's freakin 14 and I think damn, I remember being 14. How one comes to grips with it Im not really sure. For myself, time is intangible and relative, so it all makes sense, but to actually have to deal with it from a parental perspective I wouldnt know...

Though, it is kind of hard to think that had things gone differently, Id have a 3 year old son right now, however, that three years ago, because of circumstance, seems to be a lot further away than it really is. Like, hmmm, its only been 3 years, huh?

[macaroni tony]

Thanks for lettin me chime in

I gotta tell ya, I've seen a lot of kids grow up, and some of them move away. These are people that I consider "my kids," even though I don't have any of my own. And it's tough; I'd have to imagine that it would be a gazillion times worse if they were my own progeny.

I'll spare you most of them and only give you the example of my sister-in-law. Now she's been my little girl even before my current wife and myself started dating. She was 11 then, is 18 now and moved out to college. OK, she goes to Long Beach State, which is all of 10 miles away, but still.
FWIW, I am trying to view her now as a grown'd-up - a grown'd up that I can be proud of. Rather than a little girl that I can be proud of. As far as the college experience goes...she's always been a good girl, so I can fool myself into being relatively secure in the fact that she'll come out on the other end with her innocent little person in tact.
It's equal parts heartache and happiness, and from what I hear from actual parents, that's pretty much the way it's gonna go until it dies down a bit some years down the road.

This post may have been completely pointless, but....hey, it's the 'net. I can do what I want

[Relic]

Well yeah that's the bizarre thing about it - the way time gets all convoluted. I remember as plain as day changing the oldest kids diapers and rocking him to sleep and that honestly feels like it was about maybe 4 years ago... it was 15! Damn where did that time go??

[Relic]

Originally Posted by macaroni tony

Thanks for lettin me chime in

I gotta tell ya, I've seen a lot of kids grow up, and some of them move away. These are people that I consider "my kids," even though I don't have any of my own. And it's tough; I'd have to imagine that it would be a gazillion times worse if they were my own progeny.

I'll spare you most of them and only give you the example of my sister-in-law. Now she's been my little girl even before my current wife and myself started dating. She was 11 then, is 18 now and moved out to college. OK, she goes to Long Beach State, which is all of 10 miles away, but still.
FWIW, I am trying to view her now as a grown'd-up - a grown'd up that I can be proud of. Rather than a little girl that I can be proud of. As far as the college experience goes...she's always been a good girl, so I can fool myself into being relatively secure in the fact that she'll come out on the other end with her innocent little person in tact.
It's equal parts heartache and happiness, and from what I hear from actual parents, that's pretty much the way it's gonna go until it dies down a bit some years down the road.

This post may have been completely pointless, but....hey, it's the 'net. I can do what I want

all good points, I hear what you're sayin!

I think that part of it also may be the "needed" part. When you have a kid, you also have this immense emotional attachment and feeling of responsibility. A human life and future depends entirely on you and that's not easy to let go of sometimes I guess.

[macaroni tony]

Originally Posted by Relic

all good points, I hear what you're sayin!

I think that part of it also may be the "needed" part. When you have a kid, you also have this immense emotional attachment and feeling of responsibility. A human life and future depends entirely on you and that's not easy to let go of sometimes I guess.

Man, stop makin me cry. I hate the feeling of not being needed anymore

[MJ5150]

Don't be afraid to let him fail. Protecting him at this age can sometimes cause more harm than good. That is what I am struggling with as my step-son is now 21 and talking about moving out to carve out his own life.

I hear him say some things that make me shake my head, and my first instinct is to correct him and tell him how to do it right. As long as it isn't major decisions, I have to let go so he can find out for himself what will happen.

-Mike

[pedroims]

my daugther is 6 and my son 5, they grow fast ...way too fast, I try to enjoy every second with them, patherhood is crazy to me, in one way I want them to grow up, being independent and have their own ideas, but in other way they will always be babies to me, they will always need me ...I told my wife that I want another baby in the house but she is not sure ...

good now I am crying

[Relic]

Originally Posted by pedroims

my daugther is 6 and my son 5, they grow fast ...way too fast, I try to enjoy every second with them, patherhood is crazy to me, in one way I want them to grow up, being independent and have their own ideas, but in other way they will always be babies to me, they will always need me ...I told my wife that I want another baby in the house but she is not sure ...

good now I am crying

lol!
Parenthood is sure as hell one mixed bag of emotions, 'aint it?

[pedroims]

Originally Posted by Relic

lol!
Parenthood is sure as hell one mixed bag of emotions, 'aint it?

yes it is, but you know what, it is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me, i cant wait to be at home and see those kids running into me screamming Daddyyy!!!! .....

[Relic]

Originally Posted by pedroims

yes it is, but you know what, it is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me, i cant wait to be at home and see those kids running into me screamming Daddyyy!!!! .....

Yep. There's NO greater feeling in the world than a hug from your kids.

But there's another thing that I'm really starting to miss - even the little one is fast becoming too big to pick up and snuggle with.... I used to carry them around everywhere, whether they were sitting on my shoulders or in my arms, it was one of my favorite things. Especially when they would fall asleep and be sleeping all cute and whatnot in your arms...waaaah

[Strat-Mangler]

This is by no means said with any malicious intent...

Ever thought of getting a pet?

[Deluge Of Sound]

I think a few of you need a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a nice Lifetime Movie.

In other news, I wished my mom happy birthday the other day. She's 60. That's a surreal situation.

[MatticusMania]

Just so happened that last year both my parents turned 60, my dad retired, and I finally moved the hell out of their house. I see them once or twice a week these days, mostly because I go home to do my laundry and theyre always happy to see me. It felt a little awkward as I left yesterday evening, as it felt to me like they didnt want me to go so soon. I definitely need to make an effort to go and stop by for no reason soon.

[stratovani]

My oldest son is 24, my daughter is 22, and my youngest son is 20. How do I deal with it? Easy, my wife and I have a different relationship with them now than when they were children. We're all good friends, we enjoy each other's company, but my wife and I try to make it a point to not stick our noses in their personal lives. If they want or need advice, they know where to turn to. But they certainly did grow up fast! I'm always saying I'd give my left nut to have my daughter at the age of 2! Now my wife and I are always talking about grandchildren, and how much fun it'll be.

You younger dads, love and enjoy your kids every second you have them. They'll be adults before you even know it!

[Stanley Design]

Originally Posted by Strat-Mangler

You'll always be "dad" no matter what.

+1000

Before you know it, you'll be grandpa too.