Quitting music...good times, good times...

fretlesswonder · #1 10-06-2009, 06:20 AM

Well, after much thought and many dollars later, I have decided to quit playing music. I turned forty this year, that made me look at my life, what have I accomplished, etc.

Well, I started this journey when I was 8, got a Muppets drum kit for Christmas, then it began, got into Kiss, then Aerosmith, I never got a "real" drum set, but my passion began!

When I was 13 I bought a crappy drum set and learned to play, no lessons, I never was great, but it was fun all the same. When I hit 15 and had a paper route, I bought a better kit, then the "GAS" began. I was using all my money to buy new equipment, it was a lesson in what NOT to do.

As time went on, my father got ill and I had to layoff from playing drums, so a friend suggested I play bass, as it was something I could do quietly. So I bought a bass and learned to play, it wasn't easy, but I caught the bug. It was fun, I got to play in a band, write some tunes, even record. But then it all imploded...the drummer quit, guitarist got married. So just as quickly as it started, it was over.

So, it has been 12 years, I have had auditions, tried to start a band, nothing is working. So, after all this, all the great times, I'm walking away from music, bass playing, anything that deal with an instrument. It was a trip...I learned more than I ever could anywhere else.

I hope maybe once my kids are older, I will return, but with 2 little ones, I have no time, really no patience to try anymore. I always keep the good times in my heart, but I finally had to realize that, it is time to pack it in.

This board has helped me improve my understanding of bass guitar, equipment, but most of all, life in general. So if anyone reads this and you are a player, don't give up, keep going, LISTEN to ALL music, experience it all...LISTEN to the drummer, take in the guitar tones. Life is short, this is true, but creating music is forever, just DO IT.

All the best to the TB'ers...keep the faith. My book is now closed.

fretlesswonder

Muusers · #2 10-06-2009, 07:09 AM

But what's wrong with being a bedroom player? If you still enjoy playing, why don't you continue? Or don't you enjoy it anymore?

Bassguy61 · #3 10-06-2009, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Muusers

But what's wrong with being a bedroom player? If you still enjoy playing, why don't you continue? Or don't you enjoy it anymore?

+1000

As long as you enjoy it, there's no reason to have to give it up completely. There have been times where I have gone years at a time not playing anywhere but at home to my favorite songs. Some of the most enjoyable times I've had musically have been just me and a guitar/bass. No band, no show, just me and the music.

I, for one, hope you reconsider!

CrispyDelicious · #4 10-06-2009, 09:08 AM

I'm with these guys. I don't have the time or money to even think about playing gigs or starting bands right now, but I still rock out in my basement when I have the time. Keeps the fire going until I have the time to invest in it again. Don't just give up, man.

Pilgrim · #5 10-06-2009, 09:15 AM

I don't see giving up at 40 if it's something you enjoy. I'm 59 and wasn't in a band from age 23 to 52. I took up bass again in 1997 after a long layoff, and it took me 5 years to connect with a band.

If you want to do it, do it. If you don't, don't.

Phalex · #6 10-06-2009, 09:17 AM

Call it a hiatus. I took a few years off of gigging several years ago. (I kinda miss falling asleep in front of the TV on Friday nights)

What ever you do, don't sell your gear!! Hang onto your stuff, play in the basement, buy you kids a mini strat or a drum kit so they can jam with you........

You'll be back. They always came back!!!!!

MakiSupaStar · #7 10-06-2009, 09:27 AM

I would say this. Sell off some of the gear that you would use for live performances in a band setting, and invest it into gear for recording. Shift your focus. Create your own music. I do both, but I could definitely see taking a few years off of playing live and burying myself headlong into creating an album or something like that.

OR learn an instrument that you and your kids can play together. Something that you guys can sing or jam with.

Still, I could never imagine walking away from something like this unless you don't enjoy it anymore.

dave64o · #8 10-06-2009, 10:25 AM

I'm 45, have a family, and just started taking lessons about a year ago. For the previous seven years or so I was writing/recording with a friend and began playing bass that way (played guitar previously). However, two years after that ended I realize wasn't doing anything to really improve so I tried another direction to keep me going - taking lessons.

I can definitely understand your frustration because I'm in the same spot pretty often. My instructor is 21, living at home, in a jazz program in college, and teaches for a living. My life is COMPLETELY different from his and from the lives of his typical 14 year old junior high students who have 4-6 hours of free time every day to practice. I keep reminding him that I want him to come back to me in 25 years and tell me if what I've accomplished in the last year seems more impressive to him then than it does to him now. Motivation isn't my problem - it's time.

So I keep playing when I can, which is only about an hour a week many weeks, and I don't let it get me frustrated or discouraged. That works for me, but if you feel like you need a break then maybe that's the best thing for you, who knows? Just don't let the memory of the fun you've had, the great experiences you had, and the creative outlet you've known die completely. When you reach a different point in life you'll hopefully be able to get back on that bike and ride again. I hope you get there someday!

Rattman · #9 10-06-2009, 01:11 PM

I think you owe it to yourself to stay true to yourself and NOT just "walk away" from something you obviously love. Hey.. bands come and go, it's just the nature of the creative atmosphere ("grass is always greener on the other side") and of course the battle of the egos.

For now.. how about just downsize? Keep your hand in it.. just par everything down to a manageable, affordable size instead eh? You'll play live again.. you'll record again.

spade2you · #10 10-06-2009, 01:47 PM

Being a musician has its' ups and downs. Keep what you want/can. Ya never know if/when opportunities come again.

My last band broke up more than a year ago with several nice gigs lined up. The guitarist dissolved the band and nullified the friendships. The drummer friend of mine said we'd work together again on another similar project. Nope. Joined the first bands he could find and now won't give me the time of day. Since then, anyone 1/2 decent won't give me the time of day and the rest is a bunch of low rent D list cover bands and NU metal.

Fortuantely, when the music door slammed shut in my face, cycling opened its' door and I've done very well and made a bunch of friends who, unlike local musicians, aren't going to be my friend today and have a falling out the next day.

Anyway, take a break and do stuff you like. I can't guarantee if things will ever pick up again, but you probably enjoy playing bass, so play it from time to time. Just don't make it too much of a chore or you'll quit for good.

popinfresh · #11 10-06-2009, 02:25 PM

Just play in your house for the love of it.

Heck, IMHO I'd sell off most the gear, maybe keep a bedroom setup and even pick up an acoustic guitar and play that instead. I find playing acoustic/ukulele on my own is more rewarding than playing bass these days, though I'd still love to play bass in a full band, been able to play full songs that sound like songs on your own keeps the passion alive for me.

EricF · #12 10-06-2009, 02:48 PM

I understand about walking away due to family responsibilities - for me it was cycling. I spent 12 years riding and racing, but at the end of 2004 when my second daughter was born, I hung it up. There just isn't enough time in my life to be a good dad and husband, and stay in shape for racing. For a while, I continued to ride once or twice a week, but that faded, too. I have sold off a lot of my extra bikes and gear, but keep a road bike and a mountain bike hanging in my garage for the rare occasion I get a chance to got out for a sping just for the fun of it.

My point is - and as others have mentioned - keep a bass and an amp in a closet somewhere. You might get the urge to do a little thumpin' from time to time. Besides, I'll bet your kids will dig seeing their dad playing - mine do.

winston · #13 10-06-2009, 02:48 PM

I've found that making music is essential for my sanity. When I get busy with other things, if I don't put in a certain amount of time (writing, singing, recording, or playing an instrument) I start feeling off kilter. Since my day job has taken over more of my life than I like I've focused more on writing & recording than playing out, and it's satisfying.

The suggestion to find a way to make music with your kids is a great one. Good luck whatever you choose.

tycobb73 · #14 10-07-2009, 06:17 PM

If you're a christian find a church to play at.

steve66 · #15 10-07-2009, 06:53 PM

Good luck, fretlesswonder, you know whats best for you.

two fingers · #16 10-07-2009, 06:59 PM

I wish you all the best either way. Maybe grab an acoustic guitar and play some songs for your kids. Come back to bass when your kids are older. By then you will be able to buy a rig with one 2 1/2" speaker that will blow windows out and weigh about an ounce! Again, all the best to you and your family!

Tim Cole · #17 10-07-2009, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fretlesswonder

But then it all imploded...the drummer quit, guitarist got married. So just as quickly as it started, it was over.

So you were in Bryan Adams' band?

makanudo · #18 10-07-2009, 09:26 PM

Im sorry, but you never completely quit music..

bad_andy · #19 10-08-2009, 09:18 AM

+1 on hanging onto your gear. You never know what the future may bring.

Dr. Cheese · #20 10-08-2009, 09:57 AM

Be a bedroom player. I have been reassessing my situation. I'm getting older, I'm tired when I get home, and my children demand attention. I hate to admit it, but sometimes logging on to TB is more relaxing than actually playing!

That said, I still love to play around the house, and playing at church and a few other places is a nice outlet.