Racist friends

bassteban · #1 03-14-2011, 11:30 AM

Controversial thread title, yes. I'm wondering- we all have friends that we do NOT agree with on this or that; my question to you is how do handle getting stuck in a car w/someone who is either quite the racist or *kidding* as he makes some VERY offensive remarks about various ethnicities...

IotaNet · #2 03-14-2011, 11:35 AM

This thread is a close relative to this one: A Question For The White Folks.......

Not exactly the same as yours is aimed at everyone but you'll probably find some cross-pollination.

Phalex · #3 03-14-2011, 11:36 AM

YouTube - RACIST FRIEND - SPECIAL AKA - 1984

Skitch it! · #4 03-14-2011, 11:40 AM

They wouldn't be friends of mine for long.

The friends whom I know well and know me, aren't the type for that kind of mindset.

If it was someone I was stuck with I didn't know well it would be, 'Could you cut that cr*p out please, it ain't for me', something like that.

bassteban · #5 03-14-2011, 11:40 AM

That might be good, but I'm talking about someone you have known for some time- random meetups are one thing but when you're in fairly close/regular contact w/someone & find out later that they(paraphrasing Foxworthy here)*might be a racist* it can be awkward to say the least.
I will say that I think it's human nature to believe, perhaps subconsciously that your race/religion/hairstyle is superior to others; that said, I do NOT believe any of that. I'm also NOT stating that everyone inherently has racist leanings, but it does seem common(or maybe just gets attention).

Relic · #6 03-14-2011, 11:43 AM

I honestly would not even bother being friends in the first place with someone who is a racist. That sort of thing drives me nuts to no end... it's like sitting there and watching someone make a total arse out on themselves.. meh I got better things to do with my time.
But, given the hypothetical situation of being stuck in a car with an acquaintance who starts with the ethnic or racial jokes, I would just ask them to stop asap because it bothers the hell out of me. What more can you really do?

Relic · #7 03-14-2011, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassteban

That might be good, but I'm talking about someone you have known for some time- random meetups are one thing but when you're in fairly close/regular contact w/someone & find out later that they(paraphrasing Foxworthy here)*might be a racist* it can be awkward to say the least.
I will say that I think it's human nature to believe, perhaps subconsciously that your race/religion/hairstyle is superior to others; that said, I do NOT believe any of that. I'm also NOT stating that everyone inherently has racist leanings, but it does seem common(or maybe just gets attention).

IME, the people who are racist sorta show it early on..it's kinda hard to not notice. I tend to avoid the sort

Skitch it! · #8 03-14-2011, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassteban

That might be good, but I'm talking about someone you have known for some time- random meetups are one thing but when you're in fairly close/regular contact w/someone & find out later that they(paraphrasing Foxworthy here)*might be a racist* it can be awkward to say the least.
I will say that I think it's human nature to believe, perhaps subconsciously that your race/religion/hairstyle is superior to others; that said, I do NOT believe any of that. I'm also NOT stating that everyone inherently has racist leanings, but it does seem common(or maybe just gets attention).

I see what your saying, that's quite awkward. I'd subliminally try to reinforce in conversation that you don't have the same opinion with that, drop hints that your influences come from many different cultures. I usually example musicians and influences that I consider mentors, stuff like that, people usually pick up my values through cultural (musical et all) references I'll mention. It's tricky, if this doesn't work, I develop 'selective hearing' as far as this person is concerned IF I -have- to be around them.

bassteban · #9 03-14-2011, 11:52 AM

Yeah, I was just silent. The situation: Me & 3 others, on the way to a church(!)gig. Yeah- anyway, me(old white dude from a formerly small fairly hick town, w/OLD parents whose peers are often VERY racist but folks are actually very open-minded themselves), two younger(20s)white guys- one is married to a Jamaican girl(

)- he's making the most obnoxious comments, then there's his pup/buddy, who tends to go along w/whatever My Jamaican wife guy says/thinks. Lastly is drummer guy- my age, Phillipino mom/WW-II-era GI dad. These guys like very off-color/tasteless humor- ala Dave Chapelle/Chris Rock- but it got WAY past my comfort zone.

Big_Daddy · #10 03-14-2011, 11:57 AM

People who know me know that I'm open to all sorts of humor, but when it comes to genuine prejudice, they know to keep their mouths shut around me.

I've told a friend in a mall to (with a lot of people around me) 'shut the ____ up' because of something he said. I've got no problem doing so.

**pacojas** · #11 03-14-2011, 12:04 PM

isn't racism the very core of human fear.
i.e., fear of the unknown, fear of change, etc.

not knowing as in, ignorance? ignorance is not necessarily a bad thing, though it can definitely be a bad thing!!!

anyway, i tend to try to educate my alleged racist friends. maybe, suggest they read more.

MJ5150 · #12 03-14-2011, 12:09 PM

When I find myself in a conversation that is going sour, I say "purple pony" out loud. It never fails to totally change the subject and derail the individual leading the not so healthy discussion.

-Mike

Smokin' Toaster · #13 03-14-2011, 12:10 PM

I don't have a lot of friends that have completely opposite views on basic subjects like how to interact with other humans. In many of my posts I rail against political correctness run amok, but I really try to minimize contact with racist people.

People who take great pride in the color of their skin ought to go out and accomplish something. Then they'could be proud of something they actually had something to do with. Last I heard, nobody got to pick or craft their race.

The above comment applies equally to every member of the HUMAN race.

Steve · #14 03-14-2011, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassteban

how do handle getting stuck in a car w/someone who is either quite the racist or *kidding* as he makes some VERY offensive remarks about various ethnicities...

"Dude, really. I love you bro but seriously, you're an effing idiot. STFU before this conversation goes down a really ugly road"

bassteban · #15 03-14-2011, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steve

"Dude, really. I love you bro but seriously, you're an effing idiot. STFU before this conversation goes down a really ugly road"

I'd go that route if I thought it would work, but these guys- it would be difficult & lengthy to attempt to explain, let's just say that *that's the way they are*. I will certainly try in the future to not get myself painted into that corner.

Jazz Ad · #16 03-14-2011, 12:54 PM

Oldie but goodie :
Black People Love Us!

slaps76 · #17 03-14-2011, 12:56 PM

Depends...jokes or serious?

I'll laugh at, and tell, very twisted jokes, and don't have a problem with them at all. I'll reserve telling them for friends I know like that kind of humor, and avoid them arouind people who would be offended. Someone actually spewing hatred or racism though, not cool.

squarepeg · #18 03-14-2011, 01:05 PM

I have bassist friends; unfortunately, it's my family that's racist.

dj150888 · #19 03-14-2011, 01:17 PM

I firmly follow the, "theres nothing in the world you can't make a joke about" mindset, but when things cross the line from making whats obviously a joke into genuine racism, I refuse to just sit there and be silent.

If you don't say something, you're being an enabler. A childhood friend of mine, as he got into his late teens, started reading up on certain national socialist politics and as soon as he started expressing any racism, I immediately stopped associating with him and made it clear that he wasn't welcome in my company. I would do the same in the situation today.

bassteban · #20 03-14-2011, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dj150888

If you don't say something, you're being an enabler.

I appreciate your input & tend to agree w/all but this^
It's like saying by not debating w/the sky I am *enabling* the rain. These guys are kinda set in their ways- I'd dearly love to inject some perspective into the conversation, but I really don't believe they'd *get it*