Sharks

[Eric Perry]

Found these 15 "facts" about sharks while browsing the net for something totally unrelated recently. Thought they were cool and funny enough to share...


Sharks are the vampire ninjas of the ocean. They are sleek! They are silent! They are deadly! Sharks make everything better. Tattoo of a shark on your chest? Cool. They called you “Shark” in prison? Super cool. You were attacked by a shark while surfing and that’s why you walk with a limp? Epically boss.

Great White? Hammerhead? Whale shark? What’s my favorite shark? Why don’t you ask me what is my favorite kind of chocolate cake? All of them.

I’ve loved sharks since I was a kid. My miniature Schnauzer dog was named “Shark.” I use to love going to the aquarium, or as I called it, "Shark Church." Growing up, Shark Week was just never enough. I use to spend my Saturday afternoons staring into the mirror, practicing the empty, uncaring stare of a shark. If only I had dead, inky-black eyes!
Here are some of my favorite shark facts. I memorized them years ago. I wanted other shark freaks to know as much about Sharkum Radus as I do.

1. The Whale Shark can weigh as much as 18,000 piranhas!


2. The ancestors of sharks lived 400 million years ago, 200 million years before dinosaurs. This means that while the dinosaurs were ruling the Earth, roaring and then dying out like the pathetic, overrated geckos they were, the shark just chilled.

3. Sharks can swim up to 40MPH. The average Segway dork chariot can reach speeds up to 13MPH. But it doesn’t matter: if your Segway flies off a pier or a deck, you’re screwed. Segways don’t float and the average human can only swim 3MPH.

4. If DC comics superhero Aquaman rode a shark instead of a pink seahorse, the character would be 1000% more popular.

5. Shark skeletons are made out of EARS.

6. Sharks are “apex predators,” which are predators that have no predators of their own, save for man. The other fish in the ocean talk about the shark behind its back. “He’s a dick,” they say. But sharks are all “Whatever.”

7. Jaws is a really sad movie.

8. There are, on average, 60 shark attacks reported a year. Very few are fatal. 70 million sharks are caught and killed a year. So who sucks more?

9. Shark leather can be made into a thong that is four times stronger than cowhide.

10. Dolphins are sharks who like to watch Glee. Also: dolphins are mammals, like rats. Sharks are sharks.

11. Sharks have an amazing sense of smell. They can smell blood in the water from up to a mile away. I bet blood in the water smells like bacon in my skillet to a shark.

12. The average shark has up to 4,000 teeth. One of those teeth can frequently be found hanging around the necks of fans of Dave Matthews Band.

13. Strange things have been found inside of a shark’s stomach like suits of armor, bottles of wine and even torpedoes! Legend has it that pirate’s gold was once found in a shark’s stomach. But don’t go be getting any ideas. Ghost sharks exist.

14. Eating a bowl of sharks fin soup does not give you the power of a shark. It does give you the power of a doucheberry. In order to make sharks fin soup, sharks are "finned," which means their fins are cut off and the rest of the shark is tossed back into the sea.

15. Barracudas are jealous of sharks.

[MJ5150]

#12 is my favorite. I know someone with a shark tooth necklace and he is in fact a fan of the DMB.

-Mike

[Eric Perry]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

#12 is my favorite. I know someone with a shark tooth necklace and he is in fact a fan of the DMB.

-Mike

I liked the doucheberry reference in #14. Haha

[caligula]

2. The ancestors of sharks lived 400 million years ago, 200 million years before dinosaurs. This means that while the dinosaurs were ruling the Earth, roaring and then dying out like the pathetic, overrated geckos they were, the shark just chilled.

This would be my favorite.....but wait a minute...according to Chuck Norris the world is only 6,000 years old. Something's wrong here.....

8. There are, on average, 60 shark attacks reported a year. Very few are fatal. 70 million sharks are caught and killed a year. So who sucks more?

I found this extremely interesting and shocking. Don't let the first 25min fool you, the movie takes a very different direction later on.
YouTube - ‪Sharkwater (1/9 )‬‏

[Auzzie-Phoenix]

That is because chuck norris counts time differently... his years are much longer than ours.

[fhm555]

I was stationed at camp lejeune when Jaws came out. I had quite a bit of open water diving experience so I landed a work for store credit job riding herd on the casual drivers who showed up for the rent-a-dive trips a local dive shop in J'ville ran out of Morehead City a couple weekends a month.

Jaws hit theaters on wednesday and the following sunday we only had 2 people show up out of more than 50 who made reservations the previous week...BEFORE Jaws made it's debut in local movie houses. I know people who will to this day not go in the ocean or gulf because of that movie.

[Eric Perry]

^^^ Awesome! lol

[elgecko]

Flying shark sportin' bling!

[Relic]

I read the thread title as "Shanks".
I was all like wuuuut? Then I was like 'oh".
Carry on, nothing more to see here

[bassguppy]

Sharking?

[blendermassacre]

Originally Posted by Relic

I read the thread title as "Shanks".
I was all like wuuuut? Then I was like 'oh".
Carry on, nothing more to see here

sharks with shanks = scary

[jordy_on_bass]

Would just like to point out that #11 is slightly wrong. They use their lateral line and Ampullae of Lorenzini to source out potential prey and then use their sense of smell to figure out what it is. Whilst white sharks can smell blood in as little as 1 part per million, their Ampullae of Lorenzini and lateral line are far more efficient ways to locate prey.

However, +1 to this list. Awesome

[SoonerMatt]

Sharks, eh?

[elgecko]

Why did it take over 24 hours for someone to make a Land Shark reference? Good work Matt!

[Dr_Funkdamental]

Originally Posted by Eric Perry

I use to love going to the aquarium, or as I called it, "Shark Church."

Thats hilarious. I just pictured a Hammerhead on a B-3 squealin' the leslie lol.

[PSPookie]

Did this come from realultimateshark.com?

[Jimbob Jones]

Meh, they're ok.

[fhm555]

Another shark fact...Jerk them backward hard enough and it will kill them...eventually. The only place their digestive system is anchored is at the gullet and anal vent, the rest of it just kind of floats in their gut cavity. Grab them by the tail and jerk backward hard enough and it will rip their intestine loose at the back end and they will bleed to death internally. You know you've done it right if the shark starts a slow spiral toward the bottom when you let it go. It's a good way to distract them if you find yourself in a big school of sharks who begin to pay you too much attention. Put a couple in a death spin and the others must sense their distress because they will turn their attention away from you and will focus on their dying fellow sharks. The school will follow their wounded brethren until the wounded get too weak to defend themselves and then attack and eat them.

[Ben Mitchell]

Originally Posted by fhm555

Another shark fact...Jerk them backward hard enough and it will kill them...eventually. The only place their digestive system is anchored is at the gullet and anal vent, the rest of it just kind of floats in their gut cavity. Grab them by the tail and jerk backward hard enough and it will rip their intestine loose at the back end and they will bleed to death internally. You know you've done it right if the shark starts a slow spiral toward the bottom when you let it go. It's a good way to distract them if you find yourself in a big school of sharks who begin to pay you too much attention. Put a couple in a death spin and the others must sense their distress because they will turn their attention away from you and will focus on their dying fellow sharks. The school will follow their wounded brethren until the wounded get too weak to defend themselves and then attack and eat them.

I wish I had the gonads to try this. I would, but I would mess up and get bitten.

[sneha1965]

So according to #12 1 shark can outfit a whole Dave Matthews concert.