Should I be with her

ghostrider · #1 11-16-2012, 08:06 PM

So this year I met this beautiful young lady that I think is absolutely wonderful in all ways. She has told me that she has a problem with staying faithful. She says that she wants to be in a monogamous relationship, yet she feels as if she cannot receive the sexual and emotional pleasure she wants. I want to be with her. I'm having a hard time deciding what my plan of action should be. Advice would be great. Any thoughts or suggestions?

placedesjardins · #2 11-16-2012, 08:11 PM

Hmm, this isn't the greatest place for advice of that nature.

Good luck and have a happy Thanksgiving.

rollerberg2000 · #3 11-16-2012, 08:13 PM

If problems staying faithfull falls into the category of wonderful in all ways, then yes, go for it.

I would personally have a problem with it, but if you don't, hey, different strokes for different folks and all that.

Under no circumstances take this on if you think you can change her or make her stay faithfull.

She sound like she's being pretty open and upfront about things, so I like her already.

Kwesi · #4 11-16-2012, 08:14 PM

Is non-monogamy a total deal breaker for you? Is she saying that one person wouldn't be enough for her in general based on prior experience or is this just what she thinks about the relationship that you two share?

I say, if you really dig her and you're willing to take a gamble, go for it and just do everything in your power (reasonably) to give her no excuse to want for anything more. But tell her upfront your thoughts on an open relationship. If you're not down for it, say so from the get go so she knows what's up.

lowfreq33 · #5 11-16-2012, 08:16 PM

Huge red flag. You'd be setting yourself up for a lot of pain.

Phalex · #6 11-16-2012, 08:18 PM

I played a gig at a swingers party a few weeks ago. Not my lifestyle at all, but one of the guys told me that he and his wife have been swinging for 17 years and it's saved their marriage.

I might very well be prone to violence in a similar situation, but it's worked for them.

Are you cool with sharing? If not, I'd pass in your circumstance.

hdracer · #7 11-16-2012, 08:25 PM

If you have doubts and have to ask.
The answer is no.

Scott1 · #8 11-16-2012, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghostrider

So this year I met this beautiful young lady that I think is absolutely wonderful in all ways. She has told me that she has a problem with staying faithful. She says that she wants to be in a monogamous relationship, yet she feels as if she cannot receive the sexual and emotional pleasure she wants. I want to be with her. I'm having a hard time deciding what my plan of action should be. Advice would be great. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Here is what an old guy who has been married for 31 years thinks...
run. She has been honest with you, she is unable to be faithful and will be that way with you too.

The "I can't receive sexual and emotional pleasure" is an excuse to make it alright to cheat on you.

There are plenty of beautiful young ladies that will value your relationship and will not cheat on you. Don't except less than what YOU deserve; and that is someone who will love and respect you as much as you do her.

tastybasslines · #9 11-16-2012, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lowfreq33

Huge red flag. You'd be setting yourself up for a lot of pain.

+1 sounds about right. My first instinct is it sounds like she has daddy issues.

Still, if you really dig her and think you have a true connection - I'd look quickly for a quack to give you a Viagra prescription. Sounds like you're gonna need it.

No Neck Shrek · #10 11-16-2012, 08:37 PM

Tell her you feel the same way and she should invite some of her girl friends over !

pocketgroove · #11 11-16-2012, 08:52 PM

Are you positive that she feels the same way as you do, and isn't looking for an out? Otherwise, you're going to have to accept her as is, or expect heartbreak if you are together and you think she is going to change.

Good luck.

carl h. · #12 11-16-2012, 09:10 PM

Keep it in your pants and walk away.

NYCbassist · #13 11-16-2012, 09:16 PM

Best advice I ever got was this: If a girl is not a challenge then you should stay away. I'm not calling your girl easy but I think that is exactly how your post can be interpreted.

bluesblaster · #14 11-16-2012, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by No Neck Shrek

Tell her you feel the same way and she should invite some of her girl friends over !

why not turn the table and see how she reacts, then you'll have your answer

JohnMCA72 · #15 11-16-2012, 09:25 PM

Use protection.

ghostrider · #16 11-16-2012, 09:27 PM

She has been unfaithful like 3 times before, so I don't know. It's a screwed situation. She's up for open relationships, yet I'm not keen on sharing her. Should I just be her go-to for sex, or actually try and woo her. I want to be with her and like I understand it could be horrible, but it could great if she doesn't screw up.

**rotis** · #17 11-16-2012, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghostrider

She has been unfaithful like 3 times before, so I don't know. It's a screwed situation. She's up for open relationships, yet I'm not keen on sharing her. Should I just be her go-to for sex, or actually try and woo her. I want to be with her and like I understand it could be horrible, but it could great if she doesn't screw up.

You already are sharing her.

placedesjardins · #18 11-16-2012, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghostrider

She has been unfaithful like 3 times before, so I don't know.

You do know. But for whatever reason, you are hesitating on listening to your gut instinct and wise thinking. I guess she's super attractive to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghostrider

It's a screwed situation. She's up for open relationships, yet I'm not keen on sharing her. Should I just be her go-to for sex, or actually try and woo her.

You aren't keen on sharing her? Okay. Sounds normal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghostrider

I want to be with her and like I understand it could be horrible,

Talk to someone close to you about her. Whether it is a parent or friend, I think they would advise you to not start a relationship so you don't get hurt.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghostrider

but it could great if she doesn't screw up.

You can't change people. Usually, it's the other way around. Dude sleeps around and woman is dedicated to one man.

pacojas · #19 11-16-2012, 10:06 PM

bang once or twice and move on. if she persists as in wanting to see you frequently,...

then,... you are,... a pimp!

on the other hand...., she may be the real pimp.

good luck!

Kwesi · #20 11-16-2012, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NYCbassist

Best advice I ever got was this: If a girl is not a challenge then you should stay away. I'm not calling your girl easy but I think that is exactly how your post can be interpreted.

This right here sexist bull****. No nicer way to put it.

OP, only you know how you feel a out her. If you think you could actually be in a FWB relationship and be 100% ok with not becoming a monogamous romantic relationship, then no prob. Otherwise, you might just want to let her go. As someone else said, don't go in trying to or expecting to fix her. Nothing wrong with wanting to help but understand that change has got to come from her and it can't be a goal for someone else to accomplish. It's sound like she's put all her cards on the table, be open, honest and do the same. See how things go.