So, I helped a stunningly gorgeous older lady across the street today...

[Relic]

I saw her sitting on the side of the road, forlorn, staring into the distance..
I was sure that she had had some very important nighttime business to attend to judging by her sheer exhaustion. It was mid morning now and the sun was beating down on the poor lady..I knew she wouldn't last long. She was far from any decent shade, and I could tell from her swimming "attire" that she really liked water. But alas.....she was too far away from the nearest pond to walk to in her state of exhaustion, and I dare not invite such strangers into my home and pool for a dip...
So I passed her on the road in my truck, parked in my driveway and walked to her to size up the situation......
I would have to carry her across and down the road to the nearest deep pond. This would not be easy...






I carefully grabbed her...




BY THE FREAKING TAIL AND HOOFED THE BIOTCH INTO A PLASTIC BIN BEFORE SHE COULD TAKE MY DAMN HEAD OFF!!!!!!!! WENT TO THE POND AND LAUNCHED THE EVIL BIOTCH INTO THE WATER!!

lemme tell ya something - we may not have alligators or crocodiles here but we have many many of these brutes which are capable of putting a hurtin on you and are mean as hell when they wanna be:










She must have been laying eggs during the night because I found her nest nearby. Sometimes they'll dig their nests far away from their water hole to avoid predation. She's planted hers about a quarter mile from the pond and about 100' from my pool!
For an idea of the size - she wasn't too big, maybe about a foot wide, foot and a half long. Her head the size of maybe a chihuahua or thereabouts..

I may go and dig up the eggs tonite and see if I can incubate them as they're doomed if I leave them there.

[Dr. Cheese]

Originally Posted by Relic

I saw her sitting on the side of the road, forlorn, staring into the distance..
I was sure that she had had some very important nighttime business to attend to judging by her sheer exhaustion. It was mid morning now and the sun was beating down on the poor lady..I knew she wouldn't last long. She was far from any decent shade, and I could tell from her swimming "attire" that she really liked water. But alas.....she was too far away from the nearest pond to walk in her state of exhaustion, and I dare not invite such strangers into my home and pool for a dip...
So I passed her on the road in my truck, parked in my driveway and walked to her to size up the situation......
I would have to carry her across and down the road to the nearest deep pond. This would not be easy...






I carefully grabbed her...




BY THE FREAKING TAIL AND HOOFED THE BIOTCH INTO A PLASTIC BIN BEFORE SHE COULD TAKE MY DAMN HEAD OFF!!!!!!!! WENT TO THE POND AND LAUNCHED THE EVIL BIOTCH INTO THE WATER!!

lemme tell ya something - we may not have alligators or crocodiles here but we have many many of these brutes which are capable of putting a hurtin on you and are mean as hell when they wanna be:










She must have been laying eggs during the night because I found her nest nearby. Sometimes they'll dig their nests far away from their water hole to avoid predation. She's planted hers about a quarter mile from the pond and about 120" from my pool!

I may go and dig up the eggs tonite and see if I can incubate them as they're doomed if I leave them there.

You did a great thing! We have a lot of Snapping Turtles around here too, the Mississippi River et. al.

[Eublet]

Those things can be nasty. They're deceptively quick also compared to what most people think of with turtles. Glad you didn't get bit!

[Relic]

Originally Posted by Dr. Cheese

You did a great thing! We have a lot of Snapping Turtles around here too, the Mississippi River et. al.

They get big here but the Mississippi snappers must get huge! I love them though - they look so much like some sort of prehistoric creature. Oddly, they're so mellow in the water, catch them out of water and they can get downright evil.

[Cabazon]

Speaking of snapping turtles, I found this the other day:

[Relic]

Originally Posted by Cabazon

Speaking of snapping turtles, I found this the other day:

That's a young one. If you get them early enough, they can actually make neat pets. (if you have the darn room!)

[machine gewehr]

You are a brave and cool fella Matt.I'd think twice before getting close to one of these,they've got the jaws from hell.

As a gentleman,did you ask her if she'd like to grab a bite?

[Relic]

Originally Posted by machine gewehr

You are a brave and cool fella Matt.I'd think twice before getting close to one of these,they've got the jaws from hell.

As a gentleman,did you ask her if she'd like to grab a bite?

nah, I didn't want to impose on her!

I'd be lying though if I said that she didn't try like hell to bite me. Man, was she ticked off.
Some appreciation for saving her butt....I could have made soup out of her..

[machine gewehr]

Originally Posted by Relic

nah, I didn't want to impose on her!

I'd be lying though if I said that she didn't try like hell to bite me. Man, was she ticked off.
Some appreciation for saving her butt....I could have made soup out of her..

No good deed goes unpunished man,you help her out and she'd make a move to take a finger from you.Turtles...

[dave64o]

I saw the thread title and I immediately thought GILF. I'm sure that's exactly what you planned, so mission accomplished. However, something told me that there'd be some bait and switch when I actually opened the thread and I was right

But I have to admit, I didn't expect TILF!

Funny, I live pretty close to you and I don't think I've ever seen snapping turtles in the ponds and creeks in our old neighborhood nor the one we moved to a few years ago. There were fish in all the ponds, but I guess not enough for them to survive on?

[pacojas]

Originally Posted by Relic

nah, I didn't want to impose on her!

I'd be lying though if I said that she didn't try like hell to bite me. Man, was she ticked off.
Some appreciation for saving her butt....I could have made soup out of her..

i remember Grandma making turtle soup for the kids and a nice shade-hat for herself!

good times!

[tastybasslines]

How long does it take a turtle to walk a 1/4 mile? Several hours? Sounds far if danger presented it's self.

[Relic]

Originally Posted by pacojas

i remember Grandma making turtle soup for the kids and a nice shade-hat for herself!

good times!

Have you ever smelled a snapping turtle? OMG, they REEK. they smell like a combination of stagnant water and rotting vegetation...I think they have some sort of musk gland that gives off that odor when they're disturbed.
EEew I could never eat one of em. That plus I like turtles

Originally Posted by tastybasslines

How long does it take a turtle to walk a 1/4 mile? Several hours? Sounds far if danger presented it's self.

Snapping turtles are deceptively fast. That's how folks lose fingers to these things - you see it laying there and it looks slow, but they lunge at you like a snake.
A painted turtle, or slider may have a bit to worry about if they were that far away but a snapper is pretty capable of defending itself against anything (except a car or the sun...)

[kesslari]

Well done and well played, sir.

[jive1]

Originally Posted by Cabazon

Speaking of snapping turtles, I found this the other day:

Suicidal turtles make me sad.


Don't do it little buddy....You're still young and have a long life ahead of you.........You'll find love again..

[turbo chicken]

yep they strike kinda like a snake ... the head comes waaaay further out of that shell than people think.

call the local zoo... they'll come get the eggs

[jive1]

These are what the turtles in my neck of the woods look like.
Don't want to mess with them.

[masturbasser]

You did a good thing. Whenever I'm driving and see a turtle in the middle of the road in it's shell because it's too scared to move I have to stop and put it on the side of the road that it's facing. I feel guilty if I don't.

[Relic]

Originally Posted by masturbasser

You did a good thing. Whenever I'm driving and see a turtle in the middle of the road in it's shell because it's too scared to move I have to stop and put it on the side of the road that it's facing. I feel guilty if I don't.

Coincidentally I saw two different turtles this morning - one on the side of I95 that looked like a Box turtle. I just couldn't pull over to save him without risking my and my son's life, so that one's probably squished...
That's one of the reasons I saved the snapper. I figured that one of 'ems gotta live..

Originally Posted by jive1

These are what the turtles in my neck of the woods look like.
Don't want to mess with them.

ha! Gamera FTW!

[machine gewehr]

Are turtle shells durable enough to handle a car running over them or do they become soup?
The shells seems tough enough...