So lately I want to help my girlfriend.......

[scorpionldr]

Lately things have been going great in my life. I'm starting a great job, I have a new girlfriend, and I've been able to finally begin to enjoy life and work with less stress than I've been used to.
But my girlfriend has been having some problems lately that are sticking out:
1. That she's been pretty hard on herself about her weight, and she's trying to lose lately. She lost 100 pounds in a year with strict diet, but she still isn't satisfied (as she still thinks she's big).
2. She's had a traumatizing experience in her past with driving, and ended up never getting her license as a result.

I want to help her the best I can, but honestly, I know nothing as far as girls fitness, and I don't know where I can take her to start teaching her to drive some. She has some emotional issues with the entire deal because she feels like she's worked to overcome her problems and still doesn't feel respected by friends/family, but I seriously think trying to take this on would make her feel tons better about herself.

Any ideas?? Thanx in advance.

[Jazz Ad]

Everyone feels different about these issues.
I hate to push people (likely because I don't like people to push me) and don't really enjoy dragging them forward.
I know what I would do. Leave her alone with the driving issue instead of trying to convince her. The less you bring it back on the table, the best.
Tell and show very often how nice looking I think she is (flowers a must) and how impressed I am by the loss of weight she accomplished so far.
Is it the right way to do it for you? I have no idea.

[scorpionldr]

good call. I typically wouldn't want to drag someone through their problems, but she seems like she's always thinking about her problems...seeing that, why wouldn't I want to help?

[Jazz Ad]

Because you can't. It's a confidence problem. If she's self confident she will like her appearance more and eventually overcome her fear of driving.
You can't do the work for her but you can help her gaining confidence. I wouldn't try anything else.

[rr5025]

As for a place to go driving take her to the cemetery, for the most part they're level and you can drive around without having too much to worry about driving into especially if you can find one with all flat stones.

For weight, why not find some activity you can do together? Hop on bikes take a ride out to the country, find a nice quiet place, get a different type of exercise Best part is you two get time to share together and just relax while improving your health!

Like has been said though don't push just tell her when shes ready you'd love to be there to help her out.

[KeithBMI]

Santucci doesn't have a diver's license and he turned out all right... I think...

[popinfresh]

Originally Posted by rr5025

As for a place to go driving take her to the cemetery, for the most part they're level and you can drive around without having too much to worry about driving into especially if you can find one with all flat stones.

Considering she had some sort of traumatising experience with driving, maybe cemetery wouldn't be the best start..

As for the weight thing, welcome to the world of women.

You "You look great "
Her "No, I look fat "

You "You look fat "
Her "F you "

You "Maybe we should do some exercise "
Her "Are you saying I'm fat? "

etc

[Muusers]

Sounds like someone needs to get laid

[ehque]

Seems like she has low self-confidence. She needs some lovin'. In all seriousness.

[Otso]

Make her read "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" by Nietzsche?

[L-A]

Originally Posted by ehque

Seems like she has low self-confidence. She needs some lovin'. In all seriousness.

This. Maybe make a point that she has to be healthy, not thin. If she lost a hundred pounds, I take it that she's in good shape? Maybe you should focus on that.

[Disco_Gee]

Take her driving in a big empty carpark. You aren't likely to hit anything, and because it's big and empty it's probably less intimidating than driving on an actual road.

[CrispyDelicious]

On the issue of weight:

For women, what the scale says, and what they actually look like are secondary to how they feel. A woman can be slim and smokin', and still be down on herself about some silly little detail. What you can do to help, in fact, the ONLY thing you can do to help, is instill confidence in her. Make her FEEL beautiful. A women that is confident in how her man views her is also much more likely to WANT to look good for him, and for herself, too.

In a nutshell, make her feel pretty, make her feel sexy.

[Muusers]

Originally Posted by CrispyDelicious

On the issue of weight:

For women, what the scale says, and what they actually look like are secondary to how they feel. A woman can be slim and smokin', and still be down on herself about some silly little detail. What you can do to help, in fact, the ONLY thing you can do to help, is instill confidence in her. Make her FEEL beautiful. A women that is confident in how her man views her is also much more likely to WANT to look good for him, and for herself, too.

In a nutshell, make her feel pretty, make her feel sexy.

Bang her

Edit: also, touching her and kissing her for no appearant(?) reason works too.

[MakiSupaStar]

Originally Posted by KeithBMI

Santucci doesn't have a diver's license and he turned out all right... I think...

Oh. I see. This is all making sense now. Santucci is you girlfriend. This also explains why he calls girls 'friends' too.

[kanonfodr]

I think the proper thing to do is post pics of your girlfriend and let TB know what you're working with. Going from 250 pounds to 150 is good stuff, but if she's gone from 400-300 then there's a bit more work ahead, unfortunately.

And about that driving thing: empty parking lot at night. Get her used to stop, go, and turn. Use cones to simulate road conditions, or just use parking lines as well. Never be mean, always optimistic. Then once she's got parking lots down, county roads are next. Then she can graduate to city driving, milk runs, etc.

'Course, Drivers' Ed never hurt anyone, and I recommend professional training over boyfriend instruction any day of the year.

Peace,
Greg

[scorpionldr]

Just to ensure that this doesn't become a talkbass feature, I'm going to refrain from pictures. But just take a 5'8 330 pound girl and that's basically where she started, and I'm dating her a hundred pounds later. Apparently it's all been dieting and little to no exercise, but she's working into aerobics now. To L-A, I'd say she's about as healthy as she can be with MS currently..........I have yet to see her sick, and as far as I've heard, that's a good thing cuz otherwise it could mean hospital.

Driving I just want to like give her a feel for what it's like.......basically before she ever took a permit test her sister was driving her to it and managed to get slammed in the road less than a mile from her house. Pretty bad experience. But yea, I'm generally just trying to give her a feeling of coordination behind the wheel, teach some general rules of the road, do parallel parking. I mean, the driving test is basically ONLY to make sure you don't kill anyone, and if I can get her past that, thats a good start.

For all the guys that say more banging, less talking: It's hard for me (maybe just to me) to think about getting in her pants after hearing all her story (additional back problems on top of it all). Puts some perspective on just how good some guys have it.

[L-A]

The harsh question:

Are you dating her cause you like her, or because you want to save her? I've seen this too many times.

[Linas]

Originally Posted by KeithBMI

Santucci doesn't have a diver's license and he turned out all right... I think...

w.t.f. is that actually paul?

[KeithBMI]

Yep.