Some Sane Advice Please

[iriegnome]

OK. I was married for 16 years, been divorced 19 months. I met a girl while I was still married, friends nothing more. 14 months ago I ran into her at a club and we have been dating ever since then. Well, I bought a ring for her. Am I crazy? I am in love, but nothing like when I was young. It is just different. Oh, she is 14 years younger than me as well.
What do you think? Crazy??

[cheesemonkey]

A heads up my advice should be ignored since i am not sane and should be locked in a mental institute...


You're only as crazy as your last cat nugget...



But really if you think you should thats all that really matters... the 14 years age thing might make it seem a little weird but i say go for it if YOU think you should.

[baba]

Hold off on the ring and marriage thing. It's only been 14 months, she shouldn't be pressuring you for a ring at this point, so no sense in rushing anything. Make sure she knows how you feel, and give it a bit longer. Congrats on the age difference, nothing wrong with that!!

[TheDarkReaver]

Did you get her pregnant or something?

[JmJ]

without knowing you both it is hard to give good advice based on the information provided. Having said that, My vote? Take your time.

[gold_member_321]

As said before, save the ring for marriage etc.

Women love jewelery in general, how about a nice pair of earrings? or a necklace?

[Blueszilla]

You asked.

If you're in 'luv', I thinks that's great. Why muck it up with the concept of 'marriage'? This only exposes you to lots of potential problems if things don't work out. 'Things' have a way of not working out don't they? Nothing wrong with committing to someone, but it might be in your best interest to keep your status as single, at least in the eyes of the government and FCR, state statutes as well. Do you really need to declare your commitment publicly?

I am speaking only from my experiences, so YMMV, etc...and IMHO.

IME, a 14 year difference is almost a generation, so hopefully no problems there, but ya never know. I hope your partner is confident, mature, emotionally secure and has her own 'passion' in life (not you) to interest and drive her when you're not around.

The love part is easy. It's the other 95% of the utilitarian time you spend together that is critical.

Good luck, I sincerely hope you get what you're looking for.

[Relic]

Originally Posted by iriegnome

OK. I was married for 16 years, been divorced 19 months. I met a girl while I was still married, friends nothing more. 14 months ago I ran into her at a club and we have been dating ever since then. Well, I bought a ring for her. Am I crazy? I am in love, but nothing like when I was young. It is just different. Oh, she is 14 years younger than me as well.
What do you think? Crazy??

3 words for you - YOU DA MAN

[disenchant]

I think some people make the mistake in thinking TIME has a factor when it really doesn't. I know people who dated for YEARS and got married and it didn't work. I know people who dated WEEKS and got married and it worked great! I know people who dated a few months, got married and it failed miserably. If this is the case, then time is not a factor like people seem to think it does.

Sometimes when relationships fail we believe if we had more time to date and "get to know one another" we could have made a better decision. Frankly the truth I've discovered is relationships float or fail depending on the people's personalities, not the length of time dating. And everything you need to know about a person can be known in a week or two.

I also think that it's folly to believe that just because one relationship failed that all the rest of them will. One girl does not equal another girl. Everyone is so completely different that just because one girl reacted one way doesn't mean the next girl will react the same. Why be cautious? No one every got ANYWHERE by being cautious in life! No one ever won the prize or made a million dollars by being cautious. If you want to hit the jackpot in relationships, cautious is not the way to go.

Within a week of knowing my fiancé I knew he was The One. He had a lot of baggage, a kid, an ex-wife who will NEVER be out of our lives and a psycho mom and we've had our struggles but he is still The One. I knew then, and I'm still certain. He's six years younger than me, but you know, age is just a number. He's younger than my brother and it's weird to think that he was six when I was twelve and I could have been his babysitter! And while I was drinking up in college he was a puny SEVENTH GRADER.

Disregard advice from anyone telling you to do it or not do it. Listen to you, and only you. Forget your past, concentrating on your past will make you psychotic. If you want to be sane forget even the present and look into your future and see if you see her there.

[Marcury]

If you're both happy go for it!

[MysticMichael]

Originally Posted by iriegnome

Am I crazy? I am in love, but nothing like when I was young. It is just different. Oh, she is 14 years younger than me as well.
What do you think? Crazy??

No more crazy than anyone else who is in love. So what's that got to do with it?

If you know in your heart that she's the one you want...and if you're convinced that she feels the same way about you, then follow your heart - there's nothing stopping you. No rules, no roadblocks...

Originally Posted by disenchant

Disregard advice from anyone telling you to do it or not do it. Listen to you, and only you. Forget your past, concentrating on your past will make you psychotic. If you want to be sane forget even the present and look into your future and see if you see her there.

Wise advice...

MM

[KeithBMI]

You should ask Disenchant. She met a guy on Saturday and married him in the next 3 to 5 business days.



*edit* Oh nevermind, she is already here.

[SpankyPants]

Buy her a fish sandwich. It's a lot cheaper and really just as good.

You'll thank me later.

[Stumbo]

I suggest holding off on the engagement and go to pre-marital counseling for about 6 months. See how she reacts to that suggestion. This will allow the both of you to learn if everything is as you think it is or are there important issues to be worked out.

There are also some xlnt books on the topic at: http://www.amazon.com/Great-Pre-Mari.../1630J3F6KFJC3

Good luck. We're rooting for you!

[RHFusillo]

Only if she lets you do you-know-what.






Sorry, that was an obscure and gratuitous reference to a James White & the Blacks song.

[machine gewehr]

What do you think? Crazy??

Love=craziness. Its been proved scientifically.

Originally Posted by SpankyPants

Buy her a fish sandwich. It's a lot cheaper and really just as good.

You'll thank me later.

I'm not going to give any advice as it'll most likely be the wrong one.

[Armueller2001]

14 yrs? Sweet... she'll still be hot when you're older!

[tZer]

That 14 year age diff. is OK - unless your 24.

If you have to ask then you should wait. When there's no question is the time to make your choice.

[René_Julien]

This thread is absolete.

Not even the wisest philosopher can give sane advice to a person in love.


You'll just get opinions on marriage and commitment, which are irrelevant to you.
The only opinion on this subject that is relevant is the one from your girlfriend.

I think (hey an opinion) that in these modern times "popping the question" isn't a smart thing. A romantic thing, but not a smart thing.
You should both talk and get to understand how the other feels about commitment.

My personal opinion on marriage: never, I don't need that institution myself. But that's just me.


Life is too short, take risks and don't mind the scars.

[Fo' Shizzle]

I believe football teams call it, "getting younger at that position".


Bravo....