Sometimes families never let a guy win....

[spade2you]

So, I'm new to racing, but my parents seem to think it's a waste of time and I should be spending more time cleaning. My girlfriend went to lunch with my mom and her mom and now my mom has her converted to this idea!! I'm 28, a pharmacist, and getting into bike races....yet still a failure.

Growing up, I had horrible asthma and a backbrace during high school. I was also fairly dumb....so not good at anything, not that anyone would remind me of this!!!! Oh yeah, so growing up my mom would always note how perfect my cousin was and how I should be more like that.

Maybe about 6 years ago, I finally outgrew my asthma. I was that kid who couldn't run more than a few houses without being in rough shape. Now I routinely bike more miles per week than most individuals will bike in their whole life and last time I ran the mile, it was under 5 minutes. ...so sorry, I wasn't good at something more useful...like football.

Oddly enough, a few years back, I let my family hear some of the first professional recordings, only to hear someone utter the next day when someone was splinking on the piano "it's good to hear that there are musicians in the family."

So....will I ever outgrow being a failure...or is this how they're always gonna see me?!

[L-A]

It seems like they've grown used to consider lowly everything you do. It also seems you're a hard working guy who wants to keep progressing in life.

So one day their prejudiced consideration will be torn apart by the size of your success and

KAPOW



Reality will hit them.

[spade2you]

Hmmmmm, hand sculpture. Win. Must get one!

[peterbright]

Grow a pair...you obviously don't have any. You must believe in yourself before any one else can believe in you.

[spade2you]

Originally Posted by peterbright

Grow a pair...you obviously don't have any. You must believe in yourself before any one else can believe in you.

Oh, I've got a pair and am pretty cocky. Just noting with my very dry and sarcastic sense of humor (that may not be conveyed by typing) how it's funny that sometimes a family will always see someone as a failure no matter what they do.

[cheesemonkey]

Originally Posted by spade2you

Oh, I've got a pair and am pretty cocky. Just noting with my very dry and sarcastic sense of humor (that may not be conveyed by typing) how it's funny that sometimes a family will always see someone as a failure no matter what they do.

oh it was dry sarcasm... i thought you were down about how your family doesn't support anything you do... in that case its funny... very hard to convey very dry humor in type

[Munjibunga]

Sounds like you're letting your mom and these other women define who you are. Come on! You're 28 years old! Take responsibility for yourself. Do what you want with pride. It's YOUR life, not theirs.

PS: Isn't pharmacy school kind of hard? I don't think a pharmacist could be defined as a failure.

[Munjibunga]

You're not living at home, are you?

[L-A]

Originally Posted by spade2you

Oh, I've got a pair and am pretty cocky.

Two bucks if you introduce yourself to a girl with this sentence.

[bassybill]

If you actually let your mom and girlfriend lunch together in your absence, then you can expect all sorts of problems. Don't make that mistake again.

[jady]

**** em!!!!!!

You are a recording musician, a pharmacist, and a grown ass man........

**** em!!!!!!

(My dad is the same way FWIW)

[spade2you]

Originally Posted by L-A

Two bucks if you introduce yourself to a girl with this sentence.

I would if I weren't happy with mine, although she thinks I'm too cocky sometimes.

Originally Posted by bassybill

If you actually let your mom and girlfriend lunch together in your absence, then you can expect all sorts of problems. Don't make that mistake again.

Probably a breach of Man Law. Not gonna make that mistake again. Pretty soon she's gonna start getting pissed when I get new basses.

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

You're not living at home, are you?

Why?




...j/k. Nope. Bought a house last year.

[kesslari]

Some parents are that way. Sucks but that's how it is. If you ran Microsoft and had several billion dollars, they'd still have something negative to say.

For a great (or horrible) example, check out the portrayal of Johnny Cash's father in "Man in Black".

Anyway, it's your life. Live it. They won't be satisfied, regardless, so their satisfaction can't be your criteria for success.

Ride on, brother.

[Marcury]

There's a literary journal called Granta. Years ago the theme of one issue was "Families They F*** You UP!

Some folks get supportive families and some don't. You seem to be doing fine, don't expect their support and you won't be disappointed when you don't get it.

[spade2you]

Originally Posted by Marcury

There's a literary journal called Granta. Years ago the theme of one issue was "Families They F*** You UP!

Some folks get supportive families and some don't. You seem to be doing fine, don't expect their support and you won't be disappointed when you don't get it.

Is it at least kinda funny?

LOL, thanks for your support guys! The funny thing is that I'm the guy people take shots at, but my bro is the kind of guy that they go through great lengths NOT to say anything to upset him.

Every once in a while I think of resurrecting my old comedy routine and saying stuff like this. Like the time when my cousin was dating his 3rd or 4th model and grandma was wondering why I never brought anyone to family events. Then she proceeded to wonder (out loud) if I was gay. My response: I'm right here!!!!! Hers: oh. shhhhhhhhh. Me: Still right here!

Many years later when I was goin' bald, I suggested that I shave my head. Mom: You can't do that. You're so skinny that you'd look like you have cancer. Grandma: Yeah, he'd look like had the AIDs. (she actually says the AIDs.)

[Stumbo]

Originally Posted by spade2you

Like the time when my cousin was dating his 3rd or 4th model and grandma was wondering why I never brought anyone to family events. Then she proceeded to wonder (out loud) if I was gay. My response: I'm right here!!!!! Hers: oh. shhhhhhhhh. Me: Still right here!

Many years later when I was goin' bald, I suggested that I shave my head. Mom: You can't do that. You're so skinny that you'd look like you have cancer. Grandma: Yeah, he'd look like had the AIDs. (she actually says the AIDs.)

So you've grown up with illogical drama queens who like to hear themselves talk, who actually say nothing and act like they just cured cancer. The height of arrogance.

Your self-esteem has been wounded by their foolishness. They have no concept of impulse control or how to edit themselves.
It's virtually all negative and reflects how they feel about themselves, since they were also damaged by their parents.

They will never change so it's up to you.

I essentially gave up trying to get any common sense out of my family and my wife's family. I'm very cordial to everyone and I don't bring up anything I'm doing or ask about what they're doing. I don't really discuss anything of substance with them because they have no clue on just about everything. I get them to talk about the weather, a television show, sports and misc. stuff. I don't agree or disagree on anything. I just nod my head and smile. They reluctantly take in new information and take years to modify their behavior even when the new information has proven them wrong on many topics many times.

A few of them realize that I know a few things and have come to respect me. They sometimes ask for advice. Sometimes I give it without worrying about whether they follow it or not. Where I do draw the line is when I'm asked about about something that we already talked about but now it's a year later and they're still not having solved the original problem.

In fact, that the signature feature of a drama queen: creating problems that cannot(will not) be resolved so the drama continues indefinitely with each unsuspecting person contributing to the drama being sucked dry of positive emotions and thoughts and until such time that it becomes the "normal" way of life.

You're already an accomplished person but they persist in looking down on you so that they will feel better. Sad people. It seems that they have brainwashed you into being part of their court: your part seems to be the scapegoat.

Good luck.

PS: To have a brighter future,one must give up all hope of having a better past. (I read this somewhere along the way; makes sense to me.)

All: IME/IMO. YMMV.

[armywalaby]

Originally Posted by Stumbo

So you've grown up with illogical drama queens who like to hear themselves talk, who actually say nothing and act like they just cured cancer. The height of arrogance.

Your self-esteem has been wounded by their foolishness. They have no concept of impulse control or how to edit themselves.
It's virtually all negative and reflects how they feel about themselves, since they were also damaged by their parents.

They will never change so it's up to you.

I essentially gave up trying to get any common sense out of my family and my wife's family. I'm very cordial to everyone and I don't bring up anything I'm doing or ask about what they're doing. I don't really discuss anything of substance with them because they have no clue on just about everything. I get them to talk about the weather, a television show, sports and misc. stuff. I don't agree or disagree on anything. I just nod my head and smile. They reluctantly take in new information and take years to modify their behavior even when the new information has proven them wrong on many topics many times.

A few of them realize that I know a few things and have come to respect me. They sometimes ask for advice. Sometimes I give it without worrying about whether they follow it or not. Where I do draw the line is when I'm asked about about something that we already talked about but now it's a year later and they're still not having solved the original problem.

In fact, that the signature feature of a drama queen: creating problems that cannot(will not) be resolved so the drama continues indefinitely with each unsuspecting person contributing to the drama being sucked dry of positive emotions and thoughts and until such time that it becomes the "normal" way of life.

You're already an accomplished person but they persist in looking down on you so that they will feel better. Sad people. It seems that they have brainwashed you into being part of their court: your part seems to be the scapegoat.

Good luck.

PS: To have a brighter future,one must give up all hope of having a better past. (I read this somewhere along the way; makes sense to me.)

All: IME/IMO. YMMV.

+1000

[jonathan_matos5]

it is my brother, and father who looks down on me no matter how successful i am. my dad is an accountant and seems to be disappointed in the fact that im a music major. apparently he is disappointed with the fact that i switched from taking MCSE classes. all he seems to say when i see him is "why music?" and i cannot get him to understand that i would hate the job i was training for and that i enjoy what im studying for now.

i guess all my dad sees is dollar signs and thinks that all the student loans aren't worth it to make a teachers salary

[mike_v_s]

Originally Posted by spade2you

So, I'm new to racing, but my parents seem to think it's a waste of time and I should be spending more time cleaning. My girlfriend went to lunch with my mom and her mom and now my mom has her converted to this idea!! I'm 28, a pharmacist, and getting into bike races....yet still a failure.

Growing up, I had horrible asthma and a backbrace during high school. I was also fairly dumb....so not good at anything, not that anyone would remind me of this!!!! Oh yeah, so growing up my mom would always note how perfect my cousin was and how I should be more like that.

Maybe about 6 years ago, I finally outgrew my asthma. I was that kid who couldn't run more than a few houses without being in rough shape. Now I routinely bike more miles per week than most individuals will bike in their whole life and last time I ran the mile, it was under 5 minutes. ...so sorry, I wasn't good at something more useful...like football.

Oddly enough, a few years back, I let my family hear some of the first professional recordings, only to hear someone utter the next day when someone was splinking on the piano "it's good to hear that there are musicians in the family."

So....will I ever outgrow being a failure...or is this how they're always gonna see me?!

After knowing you 28 years, people will make a square peg fit a round hole. When the peg points out the problem, the peg will be called combative and it might be commented that the peg has always been difficult. Figuratively speaking, of course.

paul

[armywalaby]

I remember our old Battalion Command Sergeant Major told me once when I was driving him somewhere; we got on the subject of family and whatnot. He told me about all these problems that he had with trying keep peace with his family and his wife's family because neither side agreed with each other and just wanted to be drama queens all around. He said something along the lines of:

When you have a family of your own, that is your priority. Her family and your family are extended family.

Both sides wanted to talk **** about the others choices, probably cuz they had gotten married when he was 18 and I think she was 17. But hell, they look happy as ever when they were here. He just retired after 22 years in the military, so something must be right.

I suppose in a roundabout way, I'm trying to say what someone said a few posts back:

**** em.