A soppy relationship thread...you may laugh!

[LCMBassist]

Ok, so me and my gf split a month ago today. We weren't together long, about 2 months, but I've never really felt about anyone the same way. We split because I had OCD and depression, and a couple of times I became so depressed I told her we should end our relationship, as I was looking for ways to kill myself on the internet. Both times she talked me out of it, but the second time, she text me the next day saying we should end it, as it wasn't good for either of us to be under this much stress. After meeting with the psychiatrist a few times, I know understand my thoughts etc, and know I have nothing to fear from them. However, I've lost something that I can never imagine finding in anyone else. I've asked her to get back with me, about a week after we split, but she just said she didn't want a relationship, and wasn't looking for anyone. We still talk online, and get on ok. Now, I thought I'd give it one last try at getting back with her, in the form of a letter. That way I don't make a fool of myself trying to get it all out via the phone and dixing my words up.



Thoughts?

[Mark Latimour]

You probably don't want to hear what I really think, so I will just say this: I think its best that you do what you think is right and don't worry about what a bunch of anonymous bass players on the internet think. In fact, I would edit out your letter and just ask the general question (if at all), "do you think I should make a last ditch plea".

[LCMBassist]

I just guess there's people more versed in relationships than me on here. I've tried the whole 'move on' thing, but it's very hard. I don't know why I got so attached so soon. First person I guess I thought I could trust with my emotions.

[Mark Latimour]

She may have been the first person, but she won't be the last.

[Happynoj]

Originally Posted by LCMBassist

I just guess there's people more versed in relationships than me on here. I've tried the whole 'move on' thing, but it's very hard. I don't know why I got so attached so soon. First person I guess I thought I could trust with my emotions.

You will get over it.

At the start of June I split up with my gf. We had been together for over three years, and we had been 'friends with benefits' for about 9 months before that. The summer basically just sucked, but I'm feeling a lot better about it now. I'm not 100% over her, but I'm getting there. Nothing got any better until I accepted that we were never going to be together again. At least now (even if I haven't completely forgotten her, and I guess I still love her a bit) I can begin to move on.

So I think the first step on the road to being 'over' her is to realise/accept that you aren't going to be together again. I didn't fully accept that until last Sunday, when found out that she had had sex with some other guy. It shouldn't have bothered me considering that we broke up more than 4 months ago, but it did. When I thought about it rationally, I saw that there was no chance of us getting back together, and since then I have felt a lot better about everything.



On a side note, did you make a decision about whether you are staying at college or not?





EDIT: Sorry about the long post/slight thread hijack. I've been needing to get that off my chest since the weekend.

[LCMBassist]

Originally Posted by Happynoj

You will get over it.

At the start of June I split up with my gf. We had been together for over three years, and we had been 'friends with benefits' for about 9 months before that. The summer basically just sucked, but I'm feeling a lot better about it now. I'm not 100% over her, but I'm getting there. Nothing got any better until I accepted that we were never going to be together again. At least now (even if I haven't completely forgotten her, and I guess I still love her a bit) I can begin to move on.

So I think the first step on the road to being 'over' her is to realise/accept that you aren't going to be together again. I didn't fully accept that until last Sunday, when found out that she had had sex with some other guy. It shouldn't have bothered me considering that we broke up more than 4 months ago, but it did. When I thought about it rationally, I saw that there was no chance of us getting back together, and since then I have felt a lot better about everything.



On a side note, did you make a decision about whether you are staying at college or not?





EDIT: Sorry about the long post/slight thread hijack. I've been needing to get that off my chest since the weekend.

She has never said that though. She's said that she doesn't know what will happen in the future. This letter is basically my last ditch attempt to make her realise what she's losing.

As for college, yes, I will go next year.

[TheDarkReaver]

[LCMBassist]

Originally Posted by TheDarkReaver

I'm not an emo..... I've never harmed myself, and I'm looking for genuine answers. Can people fix relationships? As far as I know, she hasn't been with anyone. I did think she had at one point though, and my reaction was, erm, slightly scarey to me, never mind anyone who'd been around me at the time.

[Selta]

I vote just keep it real with her as a friend. If it later developes into a relationship, cool. If not, you still have the friendship (which making a last-ditch effort to turn into a relationship could jeapordize), and can hunt around for someone else who can make you just as, if not more, happy.
Just as a back story...
There was a girl I seemingly tripped and fell over in high school. She was a friend of a friend, who thus became my friend. At one point, her senior year I believe, I asked her out. She said no, I said OK, and we moved on. We both kept the friendship side of things up and such. We both had strings of relationships post-high school. I even moved away from here for a long while. We sort of lost touch for awhile at that point.
I moved back, and joined a band. That band needed a 2nd guitarist, and she just happened to play guitar. I called her up, and asked her if she wanted to jam with us. She gave it a go and came over for practices, gigs etc. This was our only interaction, as school and work made just generally hanging out difficult.
At the time, I was in a dead-end relationship. In fact, it was at the point where we didn't exchange words for days at a time.
As time passed, about 4 months or so, the band began to die down and split at the seams. Eventually it would disban all together and call it quits.
As I quit the band, so did she. We agreed that we should go out and chill that night, since the normally alloted practice time was now free time.
I went bowling for a short while, and she showed up at the alley . She invited me over to her place to hang out. It was busy at the lanes, and I was throwing very poorly anyway, so I said what the heck, spend some time with a friend and such.
So we get there and over the course of about 5 hours down two bottles of rum. You would think we would've been basically obliterated at that point, but I was feeling fine, and so was she. So I put my arm around her and more or less held her for an hour or so.
I, at that point, had to leave in a hurry. I was using my mother's vehicle since it was the only one available that could haul all of my gear in one trip. We said goodnight and I left.
On my way home, I was kicking myself, as I kept saying that I should've asked her out. If she said no, I could've blamed the alcohol and laughed it off . If she said yes, then major score!
I get home and prompty fall asleep.
The next day I get up and go online to check my e-mail and TalkBass. There's an e-mail from her, that basically said she wasn't sure why I had put my arm around her, but that she liked it.
Score!
At that point, we started hanging out a lot . A couple of weeks later, she was hosting a Halloween party, and it was that night that we formally started dating. Was also the night we shared our first kiss.
I broke up with the other girl the next day. After not talking to her for nearly three weeks.

[Rune Bivrin]

Not much of an expert, but I'd say begging is a bad idea. If she's still interested in you, but wary of your mental health, you need to show her that you're out of the woods. Then she might be more likely to resume the relationship.

Otherwise it will be like chasing a cat you'd like to pet.

[LCMBassist]

She lives 90 miles away. I wish I could show you the letter...I can do, but Mark says I shouldn't....praps it will be laughed at. Anyway, it's hard for us to just 'hang out'. And I don't get why she talks to me online, but never texts me back if I text her asking her how she is and stuff.

[TheDarkReaver]

You sound a bit emo...a lot emo.

I'd advise you to stop looking to the internet to solve your problems. Believe it or not the majority of the internet is populated by eejits. Just send the letter, call her or just let things settle a bit. There's not much else you can do.

Plus what you're 18, 19? There's still plenty of time left. Plus you know...the whole OCD thing.

[LCMBassist]

Originally Posted by TheDarkReaver

You sound a bit emo...a lot emo.

I'd advise you to stop looking to the internet to solve your problems. Believe it or not the majority of the internet is populated by eejits. Just send the letter, call her or just let things settle a bit. There's not much else you can do.

Plus what you're 18, 19? There's still plenty of time left. Plus you know...the whole OCD thing.

What about my OCD? Well, i'm not actually compulsive, im just obsessive. So it's obsessive syndrome.

[Will On Bass]

Originally Posted by LCMBassist

She lives 90 miles away. I wish I could show you the letter...I can do, but Mark says I shouldn't....praps it will be laughed at. Anyway, it's hard for us to just 'hang out'. And I don't get why she talks to me online, but never texts me back if I text her asking her how she is and stuff.

Maybe because texting is just as personal as talking in person to some people these days and she's trying not to give you any "false hope". I agree with everyone who says either let her go or just be friends. If it turns out that you get back together cool. If not, you're young and you have plenty of time to meet someone new. The most important thing is to make sure you're happy with yourself before you get involved with someone else.

[LCMBassist]

Originally Posted by Will On Bass

Maybe because texting is just as personal as talking in person to some people these days and she's trying not to give you any "false hope". I agree with everyone who says either let her go or just be friends. If it turns out that you get back together cool. If not, you're young and you have plenty of time to meet someone new. The most important thing is to make sure you're happy with yourself before you get involved with someone else.

Lol, all I've wanted from the age of 15 was to meet someone. I did meet people, but they never suited, so I didn't get involved. I'm not happy unless I'm in a pair, I don't know why.

[TheDarkReaver]

Originally Posted by LCMBassist

What about my OCD? Well, i'm not actually compulsive, im just obsessive. So it's obsessive syndrome.

Well ime such people tend to think that everything is a lot serious, make mountains out of molehills if you will.

Basically I'm saying you're perspective is somewhat flawed and that the situation is probably not as urgent and serious as you think. In other words relax and take things slowly.

[René_Julien]

Originally Posted by TheDarkReaver

Well ime such people tend to think that everything is a lot serious, make mountains out of molehills if you will.

Well, I have OCD (not joking) and I must concur. <-- edit: wrong word, I mean I disagree.
With my OCD I often bug the heck out of everyone close to me.
With my lack of taking everything serious I bug them more.

Take my sister for example (*insert stand-up comedy joke here*), she is very nonchalant. And she always makes mountains out of molehills, and always wants to be the center of attention.
(I'm talking about experiences from growing up.)

You did say it was in your experience.
But it's a very unfair generalization.

[jady]

Originally Posted by LCMBassist

Lol, all I've wanted from the age of 15 was to meet someone. I did meet people, but they never suited, so I didn't get involved. I'm not happy unless I'm in a pair, I don't know why.

Figure it out.......

As long as you NEED to be in a relationship you will never be in a good one. No one else can complete you, you need to be complete within yourself before you can share yourself.

[Mark Wilson]

Originally Posted by TheDarkReaver

You sound a bit emo...a lot emo.

Not necessary man. Especially after the picture post and everything.


But, I do agree with the rest of your post.
Man, you'll get over it. The biggest problem you have right now, is WANTING to get back into it. You and the girl both know that it's not the right thing right now.
Maybe some day in the future, but cross that bridge when you come to it.

Seriously man. Change your perspective. I'm sure all of us have been in your shoes.

[René_Julien]

Originally Posted by jady

As long as you NEED to be in a relationship you will never be in a good one. No one else can complete you, you need to be complete within yourself before you can share yourself.

+100

Pretty wise words for a cat.

Kudos, and I agree 100%.