Strictly no children allowed!

Mark Latimour · #1 07-08-2008, 07:05 AM

So I was reading this article:

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBC.Co.UK

A couple are complaining to the Church of England after their noisy toddler was ordered out of their wedding. But more and more couples are banning children altogether... risking the wrath of family and friends as they do.

All brides want their wedding day to be perfect - no rain, no family rows and no spots.

But what about noisy kids? While some believe youngsters add to the happiness of the occasion, others envision wedding vows drowned out by screams.

Full story: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7494823.stm

and it got me thinking about how people generally feel about events where the organiser stipulates that no children are allowed. I am talking about parties, weddings, nights out etc.

Its not really an issue for me as I only know a handful of friends with children, but it will obviously become more of an issue. I can defintely see the plus side of "no children" policies on events (hell - I think I would be tempted to do it if I were getting married). But I can also see upsetting people as an issue.

How do you feel about no children allowed restaurants etc?

Lets hear your views. By children I would personally mean under 18s (or whatever the legal drinking age is in your country), but perhaps could go as low as 16ish if I had to.

Jonyak · #2 07-08-2008, 07:13 AM

I am all for it but mostly because I hate children.

there is nothing that can ruin my night more than going out for dinner with the wife and I get seated next to a group of screaming brats.

the worst is when there are like 40 tables open and they sit you next to the table with 3 screaming children. then you have to ask to be moved.

**WillPlay4Food** · #3 07-08-2008, 07:14 AM

My friend's wedding had a strict no children rule in effect. That meant my wife had to stay home with our son and missed the wedding. I can understand people not wanting children at formal events, but I wonder what he'd say today now that he's a father himself...

Mark Latimour · #4 07-08-2008, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WillPlay4Food

My friend's wedding had a strict no children rule in effect. That meant my wife had to stay home with our son and missed the wedding. I can understand people not wanting children at formal events, but I wonder what he'd say today now that he's a father himself...

Does other peoples kids ruining events get less annoying when you have kids yourself?

fourstringdrums · #5 07-08-2008, 07:39 AM

My wife and I had a "no kids" rule at our wedding, but that mainly just extended to our cousin's kids who were younger at the time. It didn't pose a problem for anyone, though I don't remember if we outright said it on our invites or if we just didn't put the kids names down and they got the hint.

But, one of my cousin's brought his new baby who did nothing but scream through most of the service. Unfortunately this particular cousin is one who doesn't have enough sense to know to take the child out into a back room or what not. He shouldn't have kids period but that's another story...

MonetBass · #6 07-08-2008, 07:44 AM

This is completely ridiculous. What a 'no children' policy is really saying is, "It's OK for your children to misbehave, just not around us." Well, let's address the real issue here: that the children are misbehaving in the first place. If the parents would discipline their children as they should, this would never come up. I understand that this does not apply to babies and small toddlers, and I don't have an issue with leaving them at home. I'm talking about, say, 3 years and up.

Yes, I am a father with a 4-year-old son. He doesn't misbehave because we don't let him. He is very well-mannered and we get compliments about how polite and well-behaved he is when we eat out.

Matt_W · #7 07-08-2008, 07:46 AM

I am all for "No children allowed", unless they are well behaved and their parents know how to handle them. It really pisses me off when parents don't know how to be firm and keep them quiet....especially in a cinema. My parents would have been mortified if I had behaved as badly as some do in public. That said, children will be children and you can't expect them to sit through boring service and not get fidgety.

RWP · #8 07-08-2008, 07:55 AM

My nephew's wedding was NO CHILDREN ALLOWED. We didn't go.

dave64o · #9 07-08-2008, 08:09 AM

Events like a wedding are family events and children are part of the family. They should be *welcomed*, not just permitted. That's a good rule of thumb in general but I think that's even more important in today's world. It's pretty rare today that an extended family lives in the same "village" like they did in "the old days". They're now spread out far and wide and an occasions like a wedding is one of the few reasons many families get together en masse. How many kids these days grow up hardly knowing their cousins, aunts & uncles, grandparents, etc.? Hell, my dad is almost 81 years old and STILL has cousins he has never even met because my grandparents' families spread out so far across the country.

I wonder how these brides and grooms will feel when they're forced to decline invitations to future family weddings when they have kids and can't get a sitter to stay with them for a few days while they travel to a far away wedding? Maybe when they get old they'd feel OK about being excluded because their walker or oxygen tank will ruin an otherwise perfect photo or video?

My personal feeling is that excluding the children is a selfish act on the part of the bride and groom. Yes, it's "their day" but is the perfect wedding video more important than bringing the family together? Think about it this way. How many times have you been at a wedding, funeral, retirement party, milestone anniversary party, etc. and thought "Wow, <insert relative here> is really getting old. They might not even be here for <insert next family event>." or even said to someone "Wow, this is the first time we've gotten together since <insert relative here> died last year. It's really weird having everyone together without having them here with us.". At many occasions it will be the last time many people get to an older relative before they die, or even more sadly, it will be the last opportunity for some older relative to see the family before they die.

If I was told I couldn't bring my son, I'd assume my presence - and my gift - wasn't welcome either and decline the invitation.

CallieBum73 · #10 07-08-2008, 08:14 AM

Dont most churches have nurserys where the kids can be occupied during service? Banning kids from church would be the last thing society needs.
Far as weddings thats a personal choice of the couple. But how sad to exclude family from such an amazing event.
Resteraunts, as a rule I dont take my kids to any establishment that serves alcohol. There are so many family orintated places out there where its okay for kids to be kids.

TallLankyBastyd · #11 07-08-2008, 08:14 AM

Kids are a pain in the butt... that's why they're kids...

I was such a bad child that I decided I would never have children just so I wouldn't have to deal with a mini me!!

But... if having a kid would get get me out of all these danged family events... I may just have to reverse that vasectomy after all!!

Mark Latimour · #12 07-08-2008, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dave64o

Events like a wedding are family events and children are part of the family. They should be *welcomed*, not just permitted. That's a good rule of thumb in general but I think that's even more important in today's world. It's pretty rare today that an extended family lives in the same "village" like they did in "the old days". They're now spread out far and wide and an occasions like a wedding is one of the few reasons many families get together en masse. How many kids these days grow up hardly knowing their cousins, aunts & uncles, grandparents, etc.? Hell, my dad is almost 81 years old and STILL has cousins he has never even met because my grandparents' families spread out so far across the country.

My personal feeling is that excluding the children is a selfish act on the part of the bride and groom. Yes, it's "their day" but is the perfect wedding video more important than offering grandparents an opportunity to see grandchildren they might not get to see very often? I wonder how these brides and grooms will feel when they're forced to decline invitations to future family weddings when they have kids and can't get a sitter to stay with them for a few days while they travel to a far away wedding?

If I was told I couldn't bring my son, I'd assume my presence - and my gift - wasn't welcome either and decline the invitation.

What about events other than weddings such as birthday parties or just nights out etc - do you feel the same way or are you only thinking of weddings?

Munjibunga · #13 07-08-2008, 08:18 AM

How about if the kids misbehave, the parents are asked to remove them from the ceremony/party/whatever? I have a situation right now in which a guest I want to invite to a party has a 3-year-old boy who is the subject of countless stories of uncontrolled misbehavior. I'm going to invite him and tell him that there will be some older kids there but I'm concerned about little ones getting into the band equipment, so no little ones. He'll understand.

jady · #14 07-08-2008, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dave64o

Events like a wedding are family events and children are part of the family. They should be *welcomed*, not just permitted. That's a good rule of thumb in general but I think that's even more important in today's world. It's pretty rare today that an extended family lives in the same "village" like they did in "the old days". They're now spread out far and wide and an occasions like a wedding is one of the few reasons many families get together en masse. How many kids these days grow up hardly knowing their cousins, aunts & uncles, grandparents, etc.? Hell, my dad is almost 81 years old and STILL has cousins he has never even met because my grandparents' families spread out so far across the country.

My personal feeling is that excluding the children is a selfish act on the part of the bride and groom. Yes, it's "their day" but is the perfect wedding video more important than offering grandparents an opportunity to see grandchildren they might not get to see very often? I wonder how these brides and grooms will feel when they're forced to decline invitations to future family weddings when they have kids and can't get a sitter to stay with them for a few days while they travel to a far away wedding?

If I was told I couldn't bring my son, I'd assume my presence - and my gift - wasn't welcome either and decline the invitation.

I have to agree, we wonder why kids today don't act like good members of society sometimes but we exclude them from social events so how can they learn?

Are the children not family? What is a more familial event than a wedding?

Kids are not "extras" or "accessories" they are people who need to be treated as such.

Chriss62 · #15 07-08-2008, 08:33 AM

I generally do not like kids, but I can see the humor when they totally destroy something or some other sort of FAIL.

BetterBottomEnd · #16 07-08-2008, 08:35 AM

I think no children allowed at a wedding is ridiculous. A wedding should be about family at least IMHO. Then again I think the way weddings in general are in our society is ridiculous but that's another issue. On the other hand I'm all for no kid restaurants/parties etc. Honestly your kids would much rather go to Chuck E Cheese then to some fancy restaurant. If its a night out for the parents get a babysitter if it's for the kid take him somewhere he wants to go. People need to be able to use some common sense.

disenchant · #17 07-08-2008, 08:36 AM

The no children at weddings debate has been raging for decades. I think it depends on the type of wedding.

My opinion is that at a night wedding, young children should not be present. Children under the age of 6. Most young children are supposed to be in bed by 7, 8 or 9pm and usually at weddings that's when the festivities are just ramping up. What the parent gets is a crabby child, the parent doesn't get to socialize or enjoy the wedding reception and the guests are subjected to the worst side of what might be an otherwise good child. I would think that for the parents' sake, a sitter would be a more enjoyable option for all. There is also a lot of drinking at weddings, something that a young child really has no place around.

However, it is considered extremely rude to not invite the children of out-of-town guests.

At my first wedding we had a "children's room" and when the kids got crabby they went in that room, got their jammies on and watched Disney movies on a TV.

I would not be insulted if my kids weren't invited to the wedding of a friend, but I would be if they were not invited to a wedding of a relative. Practically speaking, if you invite everyone AND their kids the expense can get out of hand. If the wedding is local, I don't see the issue in finding a sitter and the parents getting a fun night out.

As for kids in restaurants, I think children belong at family restaurants but not at nice fancy ones where everyone should be on their best behavior. No one wants their romantic evening ruined by a screaming kid! I've privately thought to myself that some restaurants should have a "family room" for families and a couples/date room for those who wish to be away from the family. Sometimes going out is to get AWAY from the kids, and one certainly doesn't want to get away from their own only to be bombarded by the misbehavior of someone else's!

disenchant · #18 07-08-2008, 08:38 AM

Oh, and for my upcoming wedding I've invited all the kids of relatives, but not those of friends. I don't think anyone will have a problem with that, and if someone calls and wants to bring their kid, that is fine with me. We looked at it strictly from a space issue, we can only fit so many people. I highly doubt any of my friends are offended, in fact, I think they are looking forward to a night out without the kids!

Toasted · #19 07-08-2008, 08:48 AM

No children at baptisms next

**Rune Bivrin** · #20 07-08-2008, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchant

Oh, and for my upcoming wedding I've invited all the kids of relatives, but not those of friends. I don't think anyone will have a problem with that, and if someone calls and wants to bring their kid, that is fine with me. We looked at it strictly from a space issue, we can only fit so many people. I highly doubt any of my friends are offended, in fact, I think they are looking forward to a night out without the kids!

This was exactly the way me and my wife did it. I think everybody benefited from that. I think the wording we used on the invitations were "You'll probably have more fun if the young ones can be with a baby sitter instead."

We had a side room for the kids (our kids and those of our family and the one or two that were too small to be baby sat).
That worked out perfectly; my mother in law managed our children to the extent they needed management. They were 3½ and 2 at the time and still remember it, 6 years later.