Stuck in relationship out of guilt.

[NML1986]

Everything is ok.

[Chainsaw Willie]

Your post gives no indication of why you are stuck nor any evidence of something causing guilt.

Why is it that you think you are stuck?

Who has guilt?
Why does that person have guilt?
Is that guilt valid, or just self-crazy-making?

Why can't you just end this and move on?

[Ziltoid]

Move on and go bang sexy Asian chicks, lots of them.

[NML1986]

Originally Posted by Chainsaw Willie

Your post gives no indication of why you are stuck nor any evidence of something causing guilt.

Why is it that you think you are stuck?

Who has guilt?
Why does that person have guilt?
Is that guilt valid, or just self-crazy-making?

Why can't you just end this and move on?

I have the guilt, I just can't bare to see her upset.

[SoonerMatt]

Originally Posted by Ziltoid

Move on and go bang sexy Asian chicks, lots of them.

I second this motion.

Seriously, you sound like you're the one making yourself stuck. Break up with her and move on.

[EBodious]

Originally Posted by NML1986

I've told her to prove it over this weekend, but as I type this, she's staying at her sisters again.

yeah man, it doesn't sound like either of you are thrilled with the current state of your relationship, so why you feel stuck and guilty is a little confusing.

i quoted the above because it really stood out to me. in my opinion, telling someone to 'prove' something in a relationship is not a healthy course of action.

i believe you are young. and i believe this will not be your last relationship. hang in there and try to stay positive. you both have full lives ahead.

[SoonerMatt]

Originally Posted by NML1986

I have the guilt, I just can't bare to see her upset.

With all due respect, I don't think she'll be all that upset if you break up with her.

[ZeroSymbolic]

Originally Posted by Ziltoid

Move on and go bang sexy Asian chicks, lots of them.

I second this.

[NML1986]

Originally Posted by SoonerMatt

With all due respect, I don't think she'll be all that upset if you break up with her.

Truth is I ''broke up'' with her for a few weeks last year, only to go back. Thought we could have another go at it. Seems it's not working.

[Muziekschuur]

Ask her if she is seeing someone else.... I'm quite sure that's what's going on... Then brake up...

[warwick.hoy]

If I'm honest,...from your description,...a break up is inevitable.

She wants kids,...you don't.

There is really no reason to continue this relationship.

Are we feeling guilty or fearing loneliness?

[Kwesi]

End it. I've seen too many people in relationships that they just shouldn't be in. For your sake and hers, end it and move forward.

[NML1986]

Originally Posted by warwick.hoy

If I'm honest,...from your description,...a break up is inevitable.

She wants kids,...you don't.

There is really no reason to continue this relationship.

Are we feeling guilty or fearing loneliness?

I have to admit I am fearing loneliness.

[warwick.hoy]

Originally Posted by Muziekschuur

Ask her if she is seeing someone else.... I'm quite sure that's what's going on... Then brake up...

That thought occurred to me as well,....

If she is withdrawn then it is not outside the realm of possibility that she is into some other dude.

If she don't want you there is nothing to be guilty about. It should be that much easier to kick her to the curb and "meat" someone whose companionship you actually enjoy.

Or just freedom for rumpy pumpy with random strangers (wrap that **** up son).

Originally Posted by NML1986

I have to admit I am fearing loneliness.

Comes with the territory. It happens to all of us in recent breakup situations. I've been there before.

You have friends? Family? Lean on them a little bit. Loneliness is a healthy feeling,....trapping yourself in a sour relationship is unhealthy.

[NML1986]

Originally Posted by Muziekschuur

Ask her if she is seeing someone else.... I'm quite sure that's what's going on... Then brake up...

She's been giving all the signs, she doesn't seem the type to cheat. She's shy, or she was.

I've asked her, she got a bit defensive over it, and said she wasn't.

[ZeroSymbolic]

Originally Posted by NML1986

I have to admit I am fearing loneliness.

[Sonic_Death]

Originally Posted by NML1986

Truth is I ''broke up'' with her for a few weeks last year, only to go back. Thought we could have another go at it. Seems it's not working.

Originally Posted by NML1986

I have to admit I am fearing loneliness.

So you pretty much just answered my questions already.

My first suggestion would have been to take a break or see if it may work in the future. Usually the hopes of that working are bleak as-is, but you apparently have already tried that even! I won't be as harsh as to say cut your losses, but you may have to just bite the bullet and end it.

The next step: Acceptance of what has happened. You will definitely feel lonely and maybe a little depressed. All that means is that you're human; it is a natural reaction.

I am going to assume you've been in other relationships before, which means you know full well that it gets better over time. If you do end the relationship, try to do something fun to keep your mind off of it. Hang out with friends, play music, go out, etc... That loneliness will fade.

Lastly, in my experience, sometimes that loneliness for a connection can be mistaken as loneliness for the woman you lost. Try not to let the lines blur, and realize that you will feel that connection with someone more compatible down the road. Think about what's best for you.

[EBodious]

Originally Posted by NML1986

I have to admit I am fearing loneliness.

good job admitting it. loneliness sucks. but so does compromising your happiness. admitting your fear is a great step forward. facing it is next...

i have a friend. she is a popular, fun, beautiful bartender. she could have a line of guys wanting her. she is in a relationship with a guy she lives and breathes for, for 6 years now. he treats her like crap. none of her friends think her relationship is healthy. but after 6 years, she can't face being alone.

i don't support ditching relationships at any small sign of trouble. however, getting out when its done saves everyone a lot of hassle. good luck.

[warwick.hoy]

Originally Posted by NML1986

She's been giving all the signs, she doesn't seem the type to cheat. She's shy, or she was.

I've asked her, she got a bit defensive over it, and said she wasn't.

Hmmm,...does she have a propensity towards being secretive? Has she lied to you in the past; that you know of?

[Kwesi]

Originally Posted by ZeroSymbolic

Pssh, pants - who needs 'em, right?