Stuck in relationship out of guilt.

[6jase5]

I will never understand why anyone stays in a relationship that has issues. I'm glad that you got out. If you ever think that you aren't meant to be together with someone, stop thinking, you aren't.

When you find the right one, you question NOTHING. 7 years, not one fight, not one nag, not one cold shoulder......and we knew on the first date. You'll find the right one when YOU are ready to find it and no sooner.

Good luck!

[guy n. cognito]

Originally Posted by 6jase5

I will never understand why anyone stays in a relationship that has issues. I'm glad that you got out. If you ever think that you aren't meant to be together with someone, stop thinking, you aren't.

When you find the right one, you question NOTHING. 7 years, not one fight, not one nag, not one cold shoulder......and we knew on the first date. You'll find the right one when YOU are ready to find it and no sooner.

Good luck!

All healthy relationships have some issues.

[hrodbert696]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

All healthy relationships have some issues.

Tru dat. It's just a question of whether the relationship is worth the issues.

OP, glad to hear you broke up and are moving on - sounds like it was the right thing to do under the circumstances. Just keep moving forward now.

[pacojas]

<clapping, loudly>

[mellowinman]

Originally Posted by NML1986

I feel like I'm stuck in a relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years out of guilt.

At first we were very happy together, but I've come to realise that we're not compatible. She wants to get married and have 3 kids, I don't want to do any of that, our life goals are different.

I've been getting the feeling that she's not interested in me any more. She's been away at university and is back for the Easter. When I went to pick her up, she gave me the cold shoulder all the way back, and that night she went to stay at her sisters house and not at mine, I would have thought she would be more excited to see me since we haven't seen each other since January.

She seems happier to see her friends, I feel like I'm at the bottom of her list of things to do/see.

I've been getting very depressed over this and a few other things, I told her that I've been having mood things and dark thoughts, and thoughts of suicide, but she didn't seem too concerned.

I've had words with her over this and she said ''I'm sorry you feel this way, but nothing is going on, and I love you''

I've told her to prove it over this weekend, but as I type this, she's staying at her sisters again.

Sorry, just needed to vent.

Screw that. We are never STUCK in anything.

At least, I'm not.

[TOOL460002]

Originally Posted by smeet

Good luck, stay strong and let us know how it goes. And maybe you should think about changing medications...

There are several medications that prevent seizures and are mood stabilizers, and they are very good at both. I'm on two bi-polar medications that are also anti-seizure medications, and, if he's on either/both of those, then he has no option but to deal with it, get things stable, or add another medication to counter the side effects.

Just a guess.

[Strat-Mangler]

Originally Posted by NML1986

Her brother came to collect her things today and I got my keys back, sorted.

Amazing!

Seriously, man...

You dodged a bullet. Not only did you not have to deal with her own set of major insecurities/issues that she has (trust me, she has a whole bunch), but on top of that, you're free to finally meet the person you're meant to be with. The person who'll be in your corner, cheer you on, love you for who you are, etc.

You'll look back later on in life and honestly wonder why you didn't dump her sooner. No joke!

Congratulations on being strong and initiating it all, taking the high road, and being proactive. Thumbs WAY up for you! Just remember to be positive and distract yourself by going out with friends.

And really... NOBODY is worth even *entertaining* the thought of ending your life for. There will always be a-holes in the world so the best revenge is to just enjoy yourself and have a great life. This is a step in the right direction!

[6jase5]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

All healthy relationships have some issues.

Nah, I can't agree with that unless the definition of "issues" is defined. For instance..."my wife doesn't cook" isn't an issue. If it was "it ticks me off that my wife doesn't cook" then that's an issue. It's all perception, acceptance and compromise.

I don't really find issues healthy at all unless they are dealt with quicker than the time it takes to state that you have an issue. For everyone I hear telling me about issues, I just think...the inevitable is coming.

[NML1986]

Originally Posted by TOOL460002

There are several medications that prevent seizures and are mood stabilizers, and they are very good at both. I'm on two bi-polar medications that are also anti-seizure medications, and, if he's on either/both of those, then he has no option but to deal with it, get things stable, or add another medication to counter the side effects.

Just a guess.

I'm on tegretol prolonged release tablets, 200mg a day. It's to treat seizures and also used to treat depression.

[machine gewehr]

So many posts and no one has given the ultimate advice?

Bang her sister.


TBOT, I am disappoint.

[jarrydee]

man, not the stupid suicide thing....that dont work and makes you look like a little girl, stop "begging" (I know your not begging out right, but still man) Have a little pride. I dropped 40 pounds over a broken heart and I felt sorry for you until the "dark thoughts" and "suicide" thing...that is right up there with a girl telling you she is pregnant to keep a guy.....Good luck man, but I would move on!

[NML1986]

Originally Posted by machine gewehr

So many posts and no one has given the ultimate advice?

Bang her sister.


TBOT, I am disappoint.

Oh God no! Lol!

[NML1986]

Originally Posted by jarrydee

man, not the stupid suicide thing....that dont work and makes you look like a little girl, stop "begging" (I know your not begging out right, but still man) Have a little pride. I dropped 40 pounds over a broken heart and I felt sorry for you until the "dark thoughts" and "suicide" thing...that is right up there with a girl telling you she is pregnant to keep a guy.....Good luck man, but I would move on!

I didn't tell her I would commit suicide if we broke up just to keep her. But I've had dark thoughts for years, and I think it was the fact I had the thoughts of splitting running through my head making things worse.

I would never kill myself, I've always seen it to be the cowards way out IMO. But I can't help thinking about it.

Today I'm the complete opposite, I'm actually a little hyper today.

P.S. I'm not an emo, I don't do it for attention. I kind of regret bringing it up, but on the other hand I'm very glad I did, or I would still be with her no doubt. So thanks for all your support and advice everyone.

[fingerbun]

Originally Posted by 6jase5

I will never understand why anyone stays in a relationship that has issues. I'm glad that you got out. If you ever think that you aren't meant to be together with someone, stop thinking, you aren't.

When you find the right one, you question NOTHING. 7 years, not one fight, not one nag, not one cold shoulder......and we knew on the first date. You'll find the right one when YOU are ready to find it and no sooner.

Good luck!

7 years....the itch number.

I'm up to 30 years, it has not been without issues, but we get through because we are committed and it"s been worth it.

Not dissing your experience at all . Just commenting in case someone thinks "we had a fight, it's over!!!"

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by NML1986

I have the guilt, I just can't bare to see her upset.

Here's how I see it... neither of your are truly happy. You dont want the same things out of life, and thats okay. She seems to be distant, though you havent seen her since January. That, to me, is an indication she may have feelings for someone other than you. MAY. She may not, but perhaps shes feeling like you are. Id say a break up may be due, so that you are both free to pursue happier interests.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by NML1986

I have to admit I am fearing loneliness.

Thats natural, but you'll be fine. I just left my wife almost 2 months ago. We were together for 3 years. At first, being on my own was hard, I didnt know what to do with myself. I felt like I was wandering around like a lost puppy. Within a week I felt grounded again and started enjoying myself. I still have moments where I feel alone, well because I am, but there are worse situations to be in. Its allowed me the freedom to do things I wouldnt otherwise have done and meet and hang out with new people. Lifes an adventure, and much too short to get yourself stuck in a situation where youre not happy.

[Strat-Mangler]

No doubt. It's basically an emotional whiplash and your identity is being rewritten on-the-fly. That's how it was with me. My identity was firmly grounded into the relationship. When that crumbled, I was disoriented, to say the least.

Since I don't deal well with change, it took some time to readjust and learn to be on my own. Since then, I've started to value my alone time.

Any big change like this necessitates some time to process, digest, and then to learn from it before moving on. After I did that, I made my peace with it all and never looked back (i.e. contacting her, etc.). The best thing I did when it all happened was to throw everything she had given me into the trash, including all pics, cards, EVERYTHING. Though I vividly remember sobbing like a baby because I was mourning the death of the relationship, it was good for me to do and no later than 1-2 days later, I already felt very much relieved, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I urge anybody going through the same thing to do the same.

[bassbrad]

Originally Posted by NML1986

At first we were very happy together, but I've come to realise that we're not compatible. She wants to get married and have 3 kids, I don't want to do any of that, our life goals are different.

Time to break up for mutual benefit, so you can both find a better match.

[masturbasser]

I am in a very similar situation. I've been with my current gf for about 2 years now. I know I've needed to end it for probably a year.


I'm 32 and have never been married or had any kids. In Dec '11 I had a second brain tumor removed. In Jan I moved back in with my parents. I cannot work. I am a complete emotional wreck with post traumatic stress syndrome from fear of seizures. The only thing keeping me alive in a way is college and the prospect of very shortly beginning mortuary school.

She's 26 with no kids. She wants kids, badly. When ever we go out she can't stop talking about babies. I've let her believe we are going to eventually get married. She occasionly buys me cheap movies and/or video games. I feel sick admitting this but that's half the reason I've stayed with her. I feel like I've crossed the line into moustache twirling evil.

The other half of the reason it will be hard to break up with her is she's completely insane. She calls me literally 10-20 times a day. I once left her a few months into our relationship for another girl for two weeks. She left 20+ voicemails and 100+ texts on my phone everyday till we got back together. She showed up at my work unannounced. I'm fearful of this stress so late in the school year when I'm taking my prereq's for mortuary school.

Typing this was hard. I feel like I'm going to throw up now. She stayed with me through the cancer. She stayed with me when I had to quit my job because of seizures. I feel like I've robbed her of a year of her life. I don't think I can emotionally handle raising children. I really don't want to be in any kind of relationship for a few years atleast.

After typing this and getting it verbalized I see what a piece of scum I've been.

[MadMan118]

Life is too short to stick yourself in a crappy relationship. I tried really hard to stick it out with an ex of mine cause I thought i had found something special. Special doesn't hit you with your own car.