Stupid Teenage Relationship Help

Grizzly700 · #1 03-03-2010, 06:50 AM

Hi guys, haven't posted here in a while.

I met this girl in 6th grade, got to know her and immediately knew she was for me. I am now a sophomore in high school and have dated her on and off for a total of about 10 months. I now realize that both of the times we have separated have been for stupid reasons and that the reason I'm even making this thread is about 90% my fault. After I broke up with her one time she got into a relationship with another guy and they had sex in their freshmen year of high school. Of course, they ended up having a bad break up and I am with her again. This time feels different to me, I truly believe I love her. The problem is I can't really get past her having sex with somebody else and knowing that I could have prevented it. It makes me sick to know somebody else has had their hands on her, and knowing that he didn't treat her as well as she deserved makes it hurt even worse. It's really ripping my insides out just to write this. I believe that sex should wait until marriage, and I really don't know what to do. I really don't want to break up with her, she is my first love. Is there any way to help me get over this?

Jonyak · #2 03-03-2010, 06:57 AM

hover · #3 03-03-2010, 07:03 AM

it is what it is. She was not with you when it "went down", you have no control and still don't. It happenned. If she means anything to you you're gonna have to learn how to get past it. If it weighs heavily on your mind when you are with her the relationship is doomed from the get-go. Sometimes infatuation feels like love and jealousy as a result somehow feels justified.

Get over it or get over her.

Disraeli Gears · #4 03-03-2010, 07:04 AM

It's a high school relationship. Sure, it sucks that she went out with someone else for a while, but that's just the way things go--it's not by ANY means a unique situation. As for the whole sex before marriage thing, it sounds like you and her may have a different value set regarding the situation. If not, there may have been some much bigger problems between her and that other guy than it seems right now...

Noonan768 · #5 03-03-2010, 07:06 AM

Jealousy will only take the relationship down. Get over it. move on. What's done is done.. blah blah blah...
Bottom line: Who's she with now? Period!

Sbociol · #6 03-03-2010, 07:07 AM

Man up and get over it.

Deluge Of Sound · #7 03-03-2010, 07:08 AM

This might be the first time I've heard of a guy being the "doesn't put out" half of a relationship.

ALiP BoB · #8 03-03-2010, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hover

it is what it is. She was not with you when it "went down", you have no control and still don't. It happenned. If she means anything to you you're gonna have to learn how to get past it. If it weighs heavily on your mind when you are with her the relationship is doomed from the get-go. Sometimes infatuation feels like love and jealousy as a result somehow feels justified.

Get over it or get over her.

+1
It's the cold hard truth bro. **** happens, everyone makes mistakes in the past. It's what makes us stronger.

**jmattbassplaya** · #9 03-03-2010, 07:12 AM

As a guy who only got out of high school two years ago please do yourself a favor and don't try to have a serious reltionship. Be young and have fun while you still can.

hdracer · #10 03-03-2010, 07:13 AM

When you get older, you will find that they all have been touched by another man.

RWP · #11 03-03-2010, 07:15 AM

If you are thinking long term relationship, the last thing you want is a girl that has never been with another dude.

Phalex · #12 03-03-2010, 07:18 AM

I have nothing more to add.

Jealousy will destroy a relationship. You have to let it go or move on.

CrispyDelicious · #13 03-03-2010, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hdracer

When you get older, you will find that they all have been touched by another man.

-Or woman
-Or both at the same time

In ways you never imagined possible.

Numerous times.

Deluge Of Sound · #14 03-03-2010, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrispyDelicious

-Or woman
-Or both at the same time

In ways you never imagined possible.

Numerous times.

Depends on your imagination.

Also, Grizzly, I bet tapping that would get your mind off it. Or maybe just *a grilled cheese sandwich* if you really want to hold out for the wedding night.

shadowtippy · #15 03-03-2010, 07:30 AM

Women are not "Star Trek". You will rarely "go where no man has gone before"

kingpin2512 · #16 03-03-2010, 07:44 AM

Alright i'm in highschool myself. You need to get past that if your going for a relationship. Also your in highschool so i wouldn't go for the long term relationship. I tried that and it wasn't worth it.

iamlowsound · #17 03-03-2010, 08:07 AM

You are in high school, it wont last, so what is the point?

lowsound

Bob Clayton · #18 03-03-2010, 08:09 AM

“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy -- in fact, they're almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.”

And you're wrong. You couldn't have "prevented" anything. The choices she made were HER choices. If you can't get over blaming yourself (or whatever it is that you're doing) for something you had no control over, then it's not going to work regardless.

The ball is in your court. Either you can let the past be past and focus on the now, or you can continue feeling this way and only hurt yourself.

But whatever you, I'd suggest TALKING TO HER ABOUT HOW YOU'RE FEELING. I know that's not always for a 16 year old guy, (I assume 16 because that's how old I was when I was a soph.) but the point is this: How long do you expect a relationship to last with someone you "love" when you would rather talk to thousands of online bassists instead of a problem that you have with the relationship?

Not to be pessimistic, but 999 times out of 1,000- you're not going to marry your first high school love. But if you even want a chance at that 1, you gotta start it off right. Now.

Bob Clayton · #19 03-03-2010, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iamlowsound

You are in high school, it wont last, so what is the point?

lowsound

my aunt and uncle met the first day of freshman year. still married now almost 40 years later. so it DOES happen, just very very very very rare.

Nikoubis · #20 03-03-2010, 08:24 AM

You think sex has to wait until marriage. It seems that she doesn't. She will likely have sex again before she's married and, if you are adamant about waiting, it probably won't be with you. Just saying.