Stupid Wife Tricks

5andFretless · #1 02-23-2008, 10:45 AM

I realize that not everyone has a wife or a girl friend, or is even male, so feel free to share other significant other stories. I will get it started.

Last night my wife totaled the 8th car of our 25 year marriage. She had our son and 3 of his friends in her Dodge Stratus (nearly 1000 lbs of passengers in a little car) and could not stop when a semi cut her off on the LIE. She drove the car, in slow motion according to my son, under the back of the truck all the way to the middle of the car top. No one got a scratch since it happened so slow that they all had time to duck down. Hurst tools really do a number on cars

She managed to keep this car for nearly 3 years. Almost a record.

fenderhutz · #2 02-23-2008, 10:46 AM

Sounds like it's time for a bicycle or public transportation.

HollowBassman · #3 02-23-2008, 10:48 AM

That title is awesome! There are so many meanings it could have.

Big Hungry · #4 02-23-2008, 10:55 AM

Buy that women a bus pass. So if your wife crashes a car every 3.125 years and MY wife has two cars that would make her due for a crash every 1.5625 years AND we are 2 months shy of our second anniversary then she is about 3.375 months late.

Pilgrim · #5 02-23-2008, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5andFretless

Last night my wife totaled the 8th car of our 25 year marriage. She had our son and 3 of his friends in her Dodge Stratus (nearly 1000 lbs of passengers in a little car) and could not stop when a semi cut her off on the LIE. She drove the car, in slow motion according to my son, under the back of the truck all the way to the middle of the car top. No one got a scratch since it happened so slow that they all had time to duck down. Hurst tools really do a number on cars

She managed to keep this car for nearly 3 years. Almost a record.

An attempt at a constructive suggestion: You seriously would benefit by sending her to a Skip Barber or other driving school. They're high-performance schools, but the skills they teach would be extremely helpful in keeping her and your kids safer. Right now she's a danger to herself, your kids and everyone else on the road.

That's not criticism of her as a person - just as a driver. One of the hi-po driving schools would really make a difference to her....and you. She might balk at going to "remedial" driving, but might think that going to a performance driving school would be cool. She wouldn't know that they'd be teaching her to look ahead, kkeep her hands in proper position on the wheel, watch traffic around her, understand weight transfer and braking, etc. It would cost a couple thousand, but that's a lot cheaper than going through cars.

i_got_a_mohawk · #6 02-23-2008, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pilgrim

An attempt at a constructive suggestion: You seriously would benefit by sending her to a Skip Barber or other driving school. They're high-performance schools, but the skills they teach would be extremely helpful in keeping her and your kids safer. Right now she's a danger to herself, your kids and everyone else on the road.

That's not criticism of her as a person - just as a driver. One of the hi-po driving schools would really make a difference to her....and you. She might balk at going to "remedial" driving, but might think that going to a performance driving school would be cool. She wouldn't know that they'd be teaching her to look ahead, kkeep her hands in proper position on the wheel, watch traffic around her, understand weight transfer and braking, etc. It would cost a couple thousand, but that's a lot cheaper than going through cars.

+1

Just say, with it being such a close call with the kids in the car, maybe its worth honing up driving skills? Might take the bite off if you go for them too.

Over here, the advanced driving school stuff is apparently pretty useful.

iamlowsound · #7 02-23-2008, 11:20 AM

Wow, the beats the American average of an accident ever 7 years by almost 4 years. That is impressive. Send her to a driving school that teaches her to keep her distance.

lowsound

Valerus · #8 02-23-2008, 11:28 AM

You guys let your women drive??

Illbay · #9 02-23-2008, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5andFretless

Last night my wife totaled the 8th car of our 25 year marriage.

Twenty-five years of marriage, and your relationship's so strong that you can expose her to public ridicule on a worldwide Internet forum.

Heartwarming.

theshadow2001 · #10 02-23-2008, 11:41 AM

A guy some friends are living with has been driving since he was legal which is 16 he is now 21 and in that time has written off five cars. Which means they have been crashed and are unsuitable for driving any more. He still doesn't have his full drivers license yet he is still free to drive around the roads

FL Knifemaker · #11 02-23-2008, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Valerus

You guys let your women drive??

My wife doesn't have the best driving record either. She has her motorcycle license but she is NOT going to ride one anymore. She needs metal around her

A few years ago she came DAMN close to killing herself in my little Autocross car. No bikes, no sportscars, jet skis or snowmobiles, airboats or bass boats for my wife.............She's THAT bad

I can't even have her pull a boat up onto the boat trailer. She'd endup up with the boat missing the trailer and laying in the parking lot!!! My Son has been doing it since he was about 6. I'm showing my wife this thread by the way, I have no fear

warwick.hoy · #12 02-23-2008, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Valerus

You guys let your women drive??

I don't. She doesn't even have a license. Although I wish she'd get one, I beginning to re-evaluate that desire.

8 wrecks in 25 years. Wow

I'll be staying away from Long Island

skaliwag66 · #13 02-23-2008, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illbay

Twenty-five years of marriage, and your relationship's so strong that you can expose her to public ridicule on a worldwide Internet forum.

Heartwarming.

There wasn't much of an internet 25 years ago.

peterbright · #14 02-23-2008, 12:46 PM

My wife is Chinese and grew up in a village where there were no roads or cars. It was quite a chore to teach her how to drive as she had no idea what a brake, turn signal, accelerator (she always thinks that's funny for some reason) or anything else was. Took five weeks of practice but she passed the written test on the first try (in English!) and the driving test on the first try also. She had a friend take her for both tests as I didn't think she was ready.

Now 7 years later, she still hasn't had a single ticket and her first (and only) car is still in one piece. I think its all those red Chinese luck charms she has hanging everywhere in the car.

bassteban · #15 02-23-2008, 12:52 PM

My kids used to sleep very lightly, so we'd be careful as to not make noise. She got into the habit of not flushing the toilet.

Not so bad if there's a legitimate reason(& if she were to actually get around to flushing the thing at some point), but they all sleep through anything now. She also leaves disgusting things like discarded(read full)diapers & such lying about.

I'm constantly beyotching about her 'collections'.
OTOH, she makes the earth move for me...
Out of fairness, I'll mention my stupid husband trick: When she really torques me off, I'll clean the house.

Like I said, stupid.

txbasschik · #16 02-23-2008, 12:58 PM

The hubby's had more wrecks/fender-benders than I have. And more speeding tickets. But I that's just because I've managed not to get caught.

I have more, like, stupid accidents than he does, though. I can fall down standing still.

There was that one time when he fell off the drum riser at a big show. It was funny and cool at once. He leaned back on his drum throne, in the throes of a tune, and...disappeared!!! Where's Drummer?

He climbed back up the riser (which was about 6' up from the ground), got back on his drums, and continued playing. Very cool.

Cherie

ubado · #17 02-23-2008, 02:09 PM

My wife (at the time was my girlfriend) deceided to follow a speeding Virginia State Trooper one X-Mas day.

The roads were empty... the trooper spead up into the 90's... with my wife following.

After a bit... he pulled off the road.... she passed... then he pulled her over. Since it was X-Mas he dropped down the speed from 90+ into the 80's.... she still got hit with reckless driving.

I didn't find out about the "reckless driving" part until I tried to add her to my insurance (after we got married).

My insurance agent was cool though... he told me to wait until it falls off her record before I added her... about a month later.

Illbay · #18 02-25-2008, 08:44 AM

Anybody else notice that the ad banner at the bottom of the page is for some sort of Online Asian Mail-Order Bride outfit?

I checked pretty closely, 'cuz I thought it might actually be the .sig for one of Maki's posts, but nope, it's an ad banner all right.

(So does this mean the internets think Asian women make stupid wives? That are tricky?)

Baryonyx · #19 02-25-2008, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

Sounds like it's time for a bicycle or public transportation.

+1

Keep the dozy mare away from controlling anything other than a shopping trolley!

Pilgrim · #20 02-25-2008, 09:11 AM

I personally find such comments as "letting your wife drive" in marginal taste, as they imply a degree of male-dominated control that went out in the early 1900's. However, I realize that those comments are made to intentionally portray a stereotypical view that the writer does not hold.

Driving skills are not gender-linked. However, the way the genders are socialized in our society, I think that driving is generally more of an "expression of self" for men in our culture, and generally more of a basic task-oriented activity for women.

In other words, most guys have more ego invested in driving - and are more interested in it. There are plenty of horrendously bad male drivers, as illustrated by comments in this thread. There are also many excellent female drivers, including a lot who participate in motorsports.

My personal opinion is that the most dangerous drivers fall into two categories (excluding drunks):

- Those who care nothing about driving and who pay no attention to what they're doing (and I think they cause even more accidents than they're actually involved in)
- Those who are aggressive and treat every other driver as someone who has to be overcome and overtaken, as well as letting their emotions out through their driving

But in either case, a performance driving school (I've been to two) makes one more aware of the interactions between their vehicle and traffic, makes them more alert to what's going on around them, and gives them more skills in controlling the vehicle. All of these result in their becoming a safer driver. These schools even reduce an agressive driver's need to express their emotions through their vehicle, because that behavior compromises vehicle control - which is a huge part of the focus of those schools.

I recommend these high performance driving schools for all drivers, knowing that only a small fraction can or will spend the money to participate in such a school.

But if my wife or one of my daughters had the driving record in the original post, I'd find a way to "send them" to such a school. My first pick would be the Bondurant school in Arizona because I'm familiar with that one and it's not too far from Colorado where I live.