Stupidest thing you've done while being intoxicated?

[Fishheadjoe]

Woke up on the garage roof at a party... I guess I thought that it was the best/safest place to pass out.
Had a buddy who was on the school football team. When ever he got drunk, he would "pretend" to be on the foot ball field, get in a 3 point stance and on the hut hut hut comand, try and tackle anything... especially mail boxes.
His shoulder has never been the same since he hit the mail box that was cemented in the ground!
At a field party, on the way home, riding in the back of my buddy's pick up, my other friend and I took turns holding each other's ankles while we hung backwards off the side of the truck, trying to reach to ground with our hands... at 60mph.
Dumb drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son!
Fishheadjoe

[groooooove]

i was really drunk at a jazz show at the blue note once. i went to crack my back and broke the chair i was sitting in... calmly tried to push the back piece back onto the chair, but it diddnt quite work. during the show i was looking for a bathroom and stumbled into the backstage area where food was laid out for the musicians. i grabbed a handful of calamari and proceeded to stumble around to find my friend who was with me, stolen food in both hand and mouth. i had no idea what i was eating but knew i liked it (that was the first time i tried calamari!)

man, what a fun time. i had no idea what a drunken fool i was being, either.

[Munjibunga]

Drive. But that was over 40 years ago, when I was young and stupid.

[pmchenry]

I took a dump in someone's bathroom drawer once... short and sweet, we went to a party, turned out to be full of fratguy douches, decided to use the bathroom before we bailed, and I was suddenly inspired.

[Metalbasshippy]

I almost got in a fight over a bag of doritos

[Tat2dHeart]

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

That's not too bad. How do you face your girlfriends mom after you accidentally asked her to show you her jigglies, and her response is, 'you're going to need to get me drunk first.'

With a bottle of tequila, a lime, and a sheepish grin.

[iJazz]

The sad thing is even the stupidest displays I've made when drunk are rivaled in sheer outrageous nature by several which have occurred when not drunk.

I think I'll just sit to the side for a while and watch.

iJazz - Discretion is the better part of valor.

[Georynn]

Went to a "hotel room party" in Southaven, MS where everyone brought a bottle as a cover charge... got plastered... woke up the next afternoon in a hotel room in NEW ORLEANS (6 hours away)... with 2 girls I barely knew and my buddy and his girlfriend... my car parked outside... there wasn't a sober one among us... I have no idea how the hell I got there...

[Jeff K]

Originally Posted by Mike M.

Played a big party gig back in the early 70's and by the end I was hammered beyond belief. Had a 20 mile ride back home. I remember crawling into my car, driving to the end of the parking lot and stopped looking both ways for traffic...........that's the last thing I remembered until I woke up the next day in bed. Had no recollection of how I got home. Flew out of bed in a panic to look my car over. Not a dent or ding in sight. How I got home intact was beyond me. That was the last time I did that.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. No excuse for being that dumb. If the laws that are now in effect were on the books back then and I got caught I think I'd still be doing time.

Ah yes, the "homing pigeon" phenomenon. Scary stuff indeed. Now that I'm old, I try to live by the "everything in moderation" credo...

[TOOL460002]

More: Starting off stupid, on my 21st birthday I decided to skip work (getting me fired) and buy some alcohol, and drive around or something (it made sense at the time). I got lost and ended up in SF, and then blacked out, yet managed to get way up in the Berkeley hills in a stick shift. I was shaken from my blackout when my car started spinning around, going through a chain link fence and doing a 540 into some concrete building, hitting it three times. The airbag on my Mustang GT didn't deploy. It was totalled, with the rear wheels ended up suspended over the ground.

I staggered to the road (Grizzly Peak Road) where a bunch of Australian tourists picked me up, all covered in blood and whatnot. They invited my back to SF to party with them, but instead I got dropped off at a BART (train) station and got back home.

The next morning I got a loud knock on my window. It was some state park police or something, since I crashed on park land. I managed to avoid a DUI by complete denial. That isn't the last Mustang GT I totalled drunk.

I also once stopped breathing and went unconscious for a few minutes until my friend brought me breathing again. If he wasn't there I would for sure be dead.

There is so much stupid **** you can do in a complicated world. I don't recommend any of it. Me being alive is all luck. Don't do drukqs kids.

[NWB]

Way back in my teen years, I was at this party at a beach house. Drank a lot of beer. I mean a whole lot.

I was upstairs and had to pee really bad, but the stairway was clogged with people so I couldn't get the to the downstairs bathroom so easily. But, what's this? The windows were narrow and tall and I could fit myself into the window sill and open it up. Sweet.

I stood there in the window letting it fly outside and hear a whole lot of profanity burst forth beneath me. Apparently a couple were outside making out and I pissed all over them. Fortunately, it was too dark to see me and I didn't get beat up.

[ShredderMaximus]

Not one of my crazy stories but I think one of the more embarrassing stories is when I went over to my buddies cousins and his cousins girlfriends house for a party they were having. There were a couple kegs of Sierra Nevada, a kitchen full of every liquor under the sun, and a couple six foot "water pipes" with copious amounts of primo six foot water pipe "packing material." Needless to say, we were partying hard. Well, after going at it non-stop for awhile, I started feeling kinda crappy, like, reeeeaaallllly crappy, and became glued to the couch in a stupor. For awhile, I tried to mind over matter the contents of my stomach to stay where it was at. Didn't work, and I knew as soon as I stood up that I was going to go off, putting me in a little bit of a pickle. Stay and yarf on the couch, or make a run for the bathroom and risk yarfing on the way... I decided to go for it, and actually made it to the bathroom, sorta. I knew it was not waiting anymore as soon as I stepped into the bathroom, so I tried to aim for the sink, but my aim was not so good and lost it all over the counter, where the cousins girlfriend had all her makeup, brushes, etc all out where it all got a good thorough dowsing.

tl;dr: Got isht-faced, threw up on girls bathroom toiletries, recieved first ever perma-ban from house.

[Funky Ghost]

New Years eve, my first ever "tie one on" session. I was feeling no pain, was 12 feet tall, invisible and invincible... so obviously I chose to wrestle with the other meat heads like a moronic cave man. I was then, and am now, a bit bigger/stronger than my friends so they ganged up on me at one point. I had Snarf ( Marc ) over my head ( think old school WWF action here ) when someone hit me in the knees to topple us. Everyone heard the tendons pop like rubber bands. I went into the fetal position for a time. I think someone yaked from the sound, but I can't say for sure. It's crazy how fast that sobered me up. That was the last time we wrestled at a party.

Same house, same group of guys ( and a gaggle of other folks ) New Years eve a few year later we had other things to sample besides drinks... a few folks who were taking a trip started to learn to juggle with the grapefruit off the tree in the back yard... We later found them under the pool table as others rolled balls from one side to the other. Not that I know what any of that was all about or anything . . . The next day there were grapefruit all over the back yard, the tree was bare and we found a few pool balls in a pan of water with cooking oil and dye in it. Good times.

[Mike M.]

Originally Posted by Jeff K

Ah yes, the "homing pigeon" phenomenon. Scary stuff indeed. Now that I'm old, I try to live by the "everything in moderation" credo...

It's more like heavy moderation! For years now if I drink a six pack of anything within a years time, I consider that to be heavy drinking!! Fact is I still have two beers in my fridge from a six pack that I bought last summer!!

[UncleFluffy]

Walked naked and "visibly excited" into the wrong room, where her mother was sat up reading a book.

[iJazz]

Originally Posted by A-Step-Towards

I think i could maybe do the rest of my natural life in prison If i was charged for everything I did

Welcome to my life in eighth grade.

I forgot, this was about being intoxicated. We weren't, but we did one bang-up job getting a classmate severely drunk at my house one afternoon. Yes, that was 8th grade, too.

iJazz - No violence was involved, only very bored very smart kids.

[guitar ed]

Broadly speaking, the worst thing I ever did was drink & drive. Maybe go home with a few girls I should not to have.

Specifically, the (almost) stupidest thing I did was drink after giving blood. Not normally a big deal, except that this was a blood drive organized by the Hells Angels. Yes, those guys. It was legit & all. But drinking after giving blood has a real major impact on you. Fortunately, I did nothing stupid that day, as their form of punishment is usually pretty severe.

edg

[A-Step-Towards]

Originally Posted by iJazz

Welcome to my life in eighth grade.

I forgot, this was about being intoxicated. We weren't, but we did one bang-up job getting a classmate severely drunk at my house one afternoon. Yes, that was 8th grade, too.

iJazz - No violence was involved, only very bored very smart kids.

Yeah everything I did was not violent towards another human but man , i was DUMB.

I was also hanging with some friends at a river once when they started a 2.5 acre forest fire , drunk.They were responsible for there actions and turned themselves in , 15,000$ fine.

[Thrill-House]

I dont usually do many stupid things while drunk.. but one time i went to a house party using rollerblades. Didnt quite think it through, because obviously i would have to get ome the same way. I was pretty confident as im blazing down an empty intersection, and about that time i remember the road rushing up to my face. I basically just kind of mumbled, got up and continued on my way.

Woke up the next morning looking like i got in a huge bar fight, big fat bleeding lip, bloody nose, and a rather large laceration running from my eyebrow, around my eye, and down to my upper lip. My mother saw me and freaked out for a second thinking i was in huge trouble, but then laughed and called me a dumbass when i explained.

[carlthegroover]

A few years back I got drunk at my place with another guy and a girl I fancied. Only she didn't get drunk, the cheater! Anyways, among the plethora of pathetic acts I ate dog food, I stripped (down to my underwear) and even flashed my privates to my buddies, I did a pretty energetic air guitar solo, and I hugged and touched the girl all over (over her clothes at least). No kidding, I even got to rub her parts a couple times (again, over her clothes). After that episode I realized she also liked me because she endured all that crap and took a hilarious story with her, and I kept all my teeth and balls intact.