Therapy for me...

[Sublab]

Guess TB is 'home' enough to me to be able to post about this, hopefully so, turning point in my life.

Coming monday I'm going into therapy for 3 months. Just six months into a new job as a crosstrader for an airfreight company with ample opportunity and good pay - left the company this friday. I was still on temporary terms so was working there on a contract per week basis. I was on too good terms with this company to just give them a call coming monday to say I'm sick and will be out for three months, three months of therapy. And I didn't feel they needed to hear my story. So I told them I had another opportunity coming my way that was more 'my thing'. So I left in good spirits without blowing up bridges.

My life has been dominated in part by a soaring headache, coming from scar tissue that formed inside my head after a bad bycicle accident when I was twelve. The tissue on the right hand inside of my skull was torn and grew back together, apparently with some nerves intertwined, or so is what I learned from endless visits to all kinds of doctors. Eventually I found a neurologist who at a very slow pace helped me tackle the 24 hour aching. Today it's manageable, but not entirely gone. I keep working on it.

My upgrowing was a very troubled one. I can't say I ever really enjoyed life, and as a kid, before the bycicle accident, there already had been enough misery in the family to load any kid with a sense of fear. Most notably is my father, who was a worker's union big shot with an aggressive nature and a bad tendency for alcohol abuse. The other ones are my oldest brother trying to comit suicide over a bad love affair when I was eight. He had taken all the medicin he could find at home and was dying. My mother found him and was able to get him into our living room. I was crying like mad, eight years old, he was twenty back then. I still remember pulling his shirt and crying out to him not to go. For some reason I understood that he was dying. When I was fifteen my uncle, who had a serious Oedipus complex with my grandmother (who was an evil person by the way), had yet another devilish argument and he goes totally mad and stabs her... she dies. I remember the silence at home. Not a word said from my parents. Next day I just went back to school, feeling totally wrecked and ready to kill myself.

Fast forward to 2008. Two of my best friends and I had a serious car accident. My best mate got thrown out of the car and is now in a wheel chair for the rest of his life. Can't talk, can't walk, can't eat on his own. I was the driver.

All this has left me crazed out, and for some reason it has taken this much time to realise that I need to do this therapy to be able to put the past aside and take with me what is good. And life IS good. My two wonderfully crazy, loud kids are the most true example of that.

Anyways, I'll be reposting on this in the coming months.

Thanks for listening TB!

[shadowtippy]

Good luck with the therapy.

[Vorago]

Veel succes kerel. Ik denk dat ge de moeilijkste stap al gezet hebt door hulp te zoeken.

[Fassa Albrecht]

Good luck. I am sure that the therapy will help.

[Papa Dangerous]

Man, that is certainly a rough set of cards you have had dealt. I can see why you say you have not enjoyed life but honestly, I do see something positive in your story... That being your will to move on with life and now to seek out help to further try and enjoy it. I cannot imagine everyone in a similar situation being able to push themselves for so long and to end it. You obviously have a desire to live and are taking advantage of the possible ways of trying to improve it. KUDOS to you! As I am sure you know, your two kids along are enough for you to keep on pushing if things get rough again.

My personal belief is that there will be a nice payout in the end for those who have struggled due to things outside of their control. You seem, from the little I have read, to understand your own situation and seem to know the affects it has had on your life. That is a major stepping stone when attending therapy (So I believe) - many people may have to go to therapy just to figure out what is wrong before the healing can commence.

It seems like talking to someone will do you great wonders, someone who is there purposely to listen to you speak and you do not have to worry about the feeling of venting so much to someone.

I personally dislike the idea of prescribed medicines and feel that there are plenty of other ways of handling things.

I wish you luck bass brother and that you may find solace on your journey that lies ahead of you!

[runmikeyrun]

I went through a horrible marriage breakup, and was diagnosed with PTSD from 10 years of an emotionally abusive marriage at the hands of a sociopath. I did a 3 month therapy program that was group therapy, 3 nights a week, 3 hours a session. It was intense to say the least, but I REALLY got a lot of benefit out of it.

The one thing about therapy is you get out of it what you put into it- don't just go and then not apply what they teach you. Work at it, you WILL get better and life WILL become manageable.

Take care.

[Fassa Albrecht]

Originally Posted by runmikeyrun

I went through a horrible marriage breakup, and was diagnosed with PTSD from 10 years of an emotionally abusive marriage at the hands of a sociopath. I did a 3 month therapy program that was group therapy, 3 nights a week, 3 hours a session. It was intense to say the least, but I REALLY got a lot of benefit out of it.

The one thing about therapy is you get out of it what you put into it- don't just go and then not apply what they teach you. Work at it, you WILL get better and life WILL become manageable.

Take care.

This is absolutely correct. Therapy is incredibly useful but it's been up to me to not just attend sessions and do stuff in those sessions with my therapist, but also make changes and act upon it outside of it too.

[Sublab]

Thanks for the cheering!

Yeah, I will have to put in what I expect to get out of it. that I'm sure of. I'm not too keen on talking about all the stuff that went wrong because it's a whole lot of stuff. Mainly I guess I don't want to talk about it just to to avoid the confrontation. My parents and my family never talked about anything negative, eventhough our family has been riddled with it. Dead silence on the past and feasting on the good has been the credo I learned from my youth.

I want to break the circling and evolve beyond this past that haunts me. It even haunts my kids through me, allthough indirectly, it still does.

I seem to have a positive nature and that keeps me going. I'm stubborn and will do whatever I feel is right. But my instinct of what is right has been undermined thouroughly by the car accident. I feel dead. Yet even at this chaotic moment I am able to interact and live with my kids positively and write music and lyrics on a thorough level.
It's just crazy.

I'll never be normal, but I want to be 'there' for my son and daughter. They're just too full of love!!!!

[MJ5150]

I need to remember the struggles of people like yourself the next time I start whining about the closest espresso shop being 20 minutes away.

Those are some rough times, and good on you for trying to turn it around so your kids can stay happy. Hang in there.

-Mike

[TBrett]

The more we work on healing ourselves, the less baggage we leave for our children to carry. The fact that you're able to recognize the effects of the traumas you've experienced is a sure sign you'll eventually get to a better place it. Keep your eyes on the prize - it really does get better. Wishing you the best on your journey!

[Sonicfrog]

Holy Crap! You've been through the ringer!!!!! You've overcome so much more than most of us only have nightmares about. You, my friend, have great strength of character embedded deep in that soul of yours!!!!

Good luck with the therapy.

[L-A]

You have all my support, and I wish you the best of success

[Sonicfrog]

I'll never be normal,....

In the grand scheme of things, there is no such thing as "normal". I think my generation has a problem. This idea of normal! We were raised on "The Brady Bunch" and "The Waltons". We have this notion that that is what the typical life of most of our neighbors resembles. But the curious thing is, it only extended to the neighbor we didn't know at all. Even the most "normal" seeming person, with the most "normal" seeming life, has crap on one level or another. You just happen to have won lifes crap lottery!!!

You got me thinking about a lyric I wrote back when I was still dealing with some of my own demons.

They say time heals all wounds
They stop bleeding
But never neatly
Not completely.

Thing is, the bad stuff that happens in life, a lot of people have this imaginary process where "Oh, if you just do this, everything will be just wine and roses.. peachy keen..." and the like. The reality is, we carry the scars of life with us for the entirety of our lives. Some, / most wounds diminish in time naturally, and only give hints of their existence like the long healed broken bone that still aches on a cold day. Their effects on our lives can still be felt in some way. Many things heal on their own... The more serious ones???... Gotta go see the Doc.

Please take care, for yourself and your children. If you can, let us know how things go.

Mike.

[Mike M.]

Wishing all the best for you and your kids.

Best thing I ever did was to go to therapy after my divorce in '93. The therapist I saw played some real hardball with me. Wouldn't let me off the hook if she felt that I was trying to hide behind something. Got a lot out of it and I found out a lot.

You're on the right path already. Good luck.

[Selta]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

I need to remember the struggles of people like yourself the next time I start whining about the closest espresso shop being 20 minutes away.

Those are some rough times, and good on you for trying to turn it around so your kids can stay happy. Hang in there.

-Mike

Very well said!

[jasper383]

I have seen a therapist for about 15 years on and off for various reasons.

The greatest benefit is having someone to talk to who is not partial to any outcome. Just someone to talk to who has no angle.

If you are patient, and willing to let go and just talk, it can work.

[Fassa Albrecht]

Originally Posted by Mike M.

Wishing all the best for you and your kids.

Best thing I ever did was to go to therapy after my divorce in '93. The therapist I saw played some real hardball with me. Wouldn't let me off the hook if she felt that I was trying to hide behind something. Got a lot out of it and I found out a lot.

You're on the right path already. Good luck.

My therapist is also much the same, and as a result I've benefited a lot more because I've been forced to deal with the really important stuff in my life that I'd otherwise ignored but which was causing me the most problem.

[Mike M.]

Originally Posted by Fassa Albrecht

My therapist is also much the same, and as a result I've benefited a lot more because I've been forced to deal with the really important stuff in my life that I'd otherwise ignored but which was causing me the most problem.

Oh man, that's the best kind of therapist! They know when you're trying to avoid an issue that needs to be dealt with....and they won't let you!! There were times when it hurt like hell but I'll tell ya, it was some of the the best money I ever spent.

[Sublab]

I'm five weeks in now and though I can sense some benefit already, I still feel very much disconnected from my inner self and emotion. There's a lot of group therapy and some individual. The individual therapy with my personal therapist has gotten me near to crying each time, but somehow my inner mechanisms automatically push away the emotions that lead to tears. And I just know I have to cry first before I can start 'feeling' again. I'm afraid of crying. I'm afraid it will come out and overtake me and will leave me sobbing like a madman. And group therapy has gone from 'telling your story' to singling out a dramatic event or problem in your life and the group discussing that. My turn in the group hasn't yet come, but it's a thorough way of laying out bare the workings of one's own mind after certain events have had an impact on your life. Insomnia has kicked in too, and at long last I let myself be helped and am now taking 1 Zolpidem per night, just to get some sleep. Anyway, I guess the emotions are slowly stirring up and coming back to life. Thanks for listening guys. Hey, this is TB therapy!!

[Icey101]

been low and i mean close to the end myself....

this is the sentence that helped pulled me out..."just remember tomorrow all you can do is be the best person you can ever be to your family and friends around you"