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10-10-2008, 01:57 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Chicago | | | things to do with the old man
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So my parents got divorced when i was young. Assuming the situation of divorce, he has been a great dad, but i want to spend more time with him. I am in university and dont have tons of time and he doesnt either, but what are some things we can do together to bond? This time wont last forever and i want to take the opportunity to spend time with him before its too late. Last time i tried to "bond" with him, i invited him to breakfast and a afternoon at the museum; He brought wifey, it was a fiasco. Long story short, i hate my step mom. How do i politely let him know that i just wana spend time with him and not the devil. |
10-10-2008, 02:00 AM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana | | | couple ideas
take him fishing (lake michigan)
go on a pub crawl (just guys; pool, darts, live music)
just ask him to have a guys night
you should know your dad pretty well.
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10-10-2008, 02:03 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Millcreek Township, UT | | | Why not just tell him?
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10-10-2008, 02:42 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Phoenix, AZ | | | Do something with him that he does not do with the wife.
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10-10-2008, 07:21 AM
|  | The Lowdown Diggler | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Huntington Beach, CA | | | Golf beer and fishing. Or you could spot him a message from your local Korean message parlor. Be sure to chip in for the happy ending. |
10-10-2008, 08:25 AM
|  | Resident Packer Fanatic | | Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Madison, Wisconsin | | | Bears game |
10-10-2008, 08:35 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: South Side Chicago | | | golf big +1 go out on a Sunday, there wont be many nice Sundays left. |
10-10-2008, 08:48 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Las Vegas, NV. | | | Fishing...you'll be out there, maybe drinking a beer, & you'll get to bond on a level that only the outdoors can provide for a father & son. A time-tested truth that hearkens all the way back to the cave-days. After he being gone for thirty years now, I still wish I could do it one more time with my old man. Go fishing.
Last edited by vinny : 10-10-2008 at 08:50 AM.
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10-10-2008, 09:28 AM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Fort Collins, Colorado | | | This is the time to get on a honest personal level with your dad. Tell him that you want to spend time with HIM only - at least for now. It's OK to let him know that you don't enjoy her company...you don't have to paint your step mom as a wicked witch - he's married to her.
Speaking as a dad, he probably doesn't know how to relate to you either - so have dinner, go to a sports game, do some things that both of you might be interested in. The time you spend will be valuable to you later.
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10-10-2008, 09:34 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Cornwall, UK. | | | Pipe smoking club?
On a more serious note I'd just get out and tell him if i was you.
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10-10-2008, 09:49 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Newark, NJ | | | I'll disagree here, the last thing your father wants to hear is that you hate his wife...I'm also sure he can get the vibes.
Plan an activity that can't involve her, or tell him "I just wanna spend some alone time with you dad." but don't tell him you disapprove of his marital choices, I'm no father but I can see my dad taking a ton of offense to me criticizing his choices....its supposed to be the other way around.
Fishing, Camping, Sports, a Concert...invite him to one of your gigs and a buy him dinner before hand. It's all good, just make it clear you want father and son time. |
10-10-2008, 09:54 AM
| | Banned | | Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Marathon Man | | | Get a couple of nice cigars and go for a smoke with him. |
10-10-2008, 10:05 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Pacific Northwest USA | | My father and mother divorced when I was around 8 y.o.
Here are some activities that I've enjoyed with dad over the years:
-camping
-white water rafting
-target shooting
-atv riding
-driving around in the mountains/ woods in a 4wd
-taking a road trip to see a family member (aunt, uncle, grandparents, etc)
-working on his house, property, vehicles
-barbecue
-beer drinking (don't drive drunk!!)
Some ideas that may or may not work for you and your dad. Remember, your elder family members will not be around forever. You will both benefit from spending time together, especially if you're doing something that you both enjoy.
Side note: I never really appreciated my parents until I became a parent myself. Wow, what a reality check that was  .
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10-10-2008, 10:16 AM
| | The Lowdown Diggler | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Huntington Beach, CA | | Quote:
Originally Posted by bimplizkit Side note: I never really appreciated my parents until I became a parent myself. Wow, what a reality check that was . | Amen to that brother.  |
10-10-2008, 10:17 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Los Angeles | | | My parents got divorced when I was 18.
Here's my view of this situation:
Why do you hate your step-mom? If you haven't spent time with her, you don't really even know her.
Just because she's with your dad isn't a good enough reason to hate her.
And just because your mom talks crap about her isn't good enough either.
You're making this situation all about you. It's not about you. Your dad loves her and that's reality. If you have a problem with it, it's exactly that: your problem. You're being selfish to try and take your dad's time away from her. If you haven't spent much time with him up 'til now, how does it look to him that you would want to schedule activities that don't include her, his newly wedded wife.
This can blow up into some serious psychological problems, especially if you dad won't go along a "plan" to get him away from the love of his life to spend alone time with you.
I suggest you get some counseling through the university to help you work through this.
You can also suggest to your dad that he and your step-mom join you in counseling to work through your issues with the new family.
There are also many self-help books on this exact situation. Your situation has been a subject of intense study do to the fallout (alcoholism, depression, etc.) that many young people get sucked in to because they try to solve an unsolvable problem that is not under their control.
For the same reason that you're studying at the University(more knowledge), I hope you gain more knowledge about yourself so you can get through this time in your life without too much trouble and help get your relationship with your Dad on a sound footing.
Good luck. Don't wait.
Last edited by Stumbo : 10-10-2008 at 10:23 AM.
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10-10-2008, 10:45 AM
|  | Life is Tough. Laugh more. Moderator | | Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Warwick, Rhode Island, USA | | Quote:
Originally Posted by mrpackerguy Bears game | Yup.
'Hi Dad, I got 2 (TWO [this ****blocks the evil stepmom]) tickets
to the Bears game. Why don't you and I go see them
put some whoopass on the Packers on Sunday?
Of course, the male bonding visit to the Foxy Lady or Cadillac Lounge
afterwords is always great. Tell Dad to be sure to bring a lot of one dollar bills.
Make it a yearly event. Fishing is good too.
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