Thinking about seeing a psychologist
I've been told many times on the forums that I should go see a therapist. Typically I've disregarded it because if I talk about bad things on the internet, that's all the people see and don't see the good side. I'm 17 and I'm holding out that it may be a hormone thing. However, there are a lot of symptoms that have plagued me for a while.
Since I was 9, if the sun goes down before 7 or 8, it makes me depressed. I told my parents I wasn't feeling right lately and I've been having anxiety about starting to make anything with my music. They informed me that, without fail, this is the time of year every year since I started middle school that I would get anxiety, my school work would start slipping, and my organization goes away.
I also have general anxiety about weird things. I'm afraid of what's known as dissociative/depersonalization disorder. Part of me thinks it's easy to diagnose yourself with wikipedia. But I often times will feel like I've snapped back into consciousness. I have a hard time recognizing my body as me. Sometimes I'll look in a mirror and get a shock of panic as I can't convince myself the body in the mirror is me. A lot of times I feel like Im watching things going on. When my anxiety becomes more frequent, so does this. I'd say at least a couple times a day I have some form of dissociative event.
My thinking has been fuzzy lately, where I just feel in a fog, as well as my motivation dropping. I don't want to leave the house much and I have very little interest in sex, and I feel myself getting annoyed with my girlfriend with anything more than a minimum amount of affection. It's nothing she (or other people that do it) do wrong, I'm just unable to match that emotion and it's frustrating. I feel myself unexcited by things I should be. I just don't react, either to good things or to things that require a quick reaction sometimes. Other times it's normal, but sometimes I just feel very little about things that should get a reaction from me. My best friend since 9th grade called me on Skype to tell me she was pregnant and I had no better reaction than to look at the webcam and say "huh" as in "how about that".
I see happy things as sad. I see my mom's little dog playing with her toys and rolling around with people and it makes me sad for reasons I can never quite define. My own dog is greying around the mouth and that makes me sad as well. Sometimes it goes even farther. When I was about 15, I used to get atrocious thoughts that I couldn't get out of my head. Babies in car accidents, toddlers falling into ovens, things I never wanted to think about but had no choice. Luckily it's mostly stopped now.
I think the worst of it though, is death anxiety. I'm a deep thinker and I leave absolutely nothing to faith. I like to think I don't do myself the disservice of believing anything that doesn't hold up completely to all questioning, and I'm constantly questioning. I don't believe in any deities. I used to believe that we had a form of energy that would carry our consciousness. Some think our consciousness is a quantum process, but tests show that entangled particles would decohere too quickly for that to be true. Even if it is, what is a consciousness with no brain to process new thoughts, no sensory inputs? Nirvana? Looped memories?
I've come to accept that the best I can hope for is that consciousness is a separate element from the mind (it has to be created somehow, and until we can replicate it, I don't honestly believe chemicals have the power to create it) and that when we die, we'll be stripped of our ego, our thought, maybe even our memories, and simply be on a level we don't understand. But this I doubt. I created a thread about my death anxiety a while ago (http://www.talkbass.com/forum/f34/si...nxiety-922540/) but lately have been obsessing over it. I have not stopped thinking about it since I posted that thread.
I don't really know why I'm posting this. I should have been in bed an hour ago but I suddenly got a wave of energy and stress/anxiety over the same old stuff so it feels good to get it out I guess. Maybe some of you in similar boats can share some things?
Christian people would tell you that you're missing Jesus in your life and they'd probably right. The kind of answer you seem to seek is typically provided by religion.
If, as me, you're not into faith, I suggest reading a lot and getting help from a pro soon.
The sun part sounds like it could be SAD (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasona...ctive_disorder), which can be quite common.
Much of the rest could simply be attributed to awkward teenage years. Doubt there would be any harm in talking it over with a psychologist or psychiatrist.
Yes... There is no shame in getting some help... In fact, it's the SMART thing to do.
Just remember that there are plenty of people that go through depression at some point in their lives... I did...
Hang on to the fact that with help, it WILL get better... Sometimes it takes a while, but it will .
Go and talk to your doctor. Nobody should be ashamed about mental health issues in this day and age. They're more common than Diabetes and Asthma combined.
Exercise does a lot of good for me especially in working out anger and I never feel better than after a good workout. Moderate weightlifting does it for me.
If you are seeking spiritual answers, find a Christian friend and ask them about their faith.
I not just trying to put a Band-Aid on your problem. As someone who is in the medical profession and someone who has issues too, doing what I stated helps me but I do need help in a form of medication. Without it, I would describe that I have feelings of helplessness, anxiety, worries that seem to consume me. It is hard for me to concentrate and all of these feelings come at me in a flight of ideas; usually at bedtime which makes me restless and hard to sleep.
I wold see someone and be open to what they have to say. There is nothing wrong with being on a medication. Chemical imbalances in your brain is beyond your control. Getting help and possibly getting on a medication might help you sort out those things you describe.
I would describe that the medication that I am on, Wellbutrin helps me to concentrate, not worry as much and put things into perspective.
Depression is also a way we direct our anger on ourselves. Sometimes my problems is exhibited as anger. Usually when I'm in a situation where I'm pressed or feel like I'm against a wall. I'm not one to hit or any other violence but being a big guy it is frightening to those around me. The medication also helps me to control these types of emotional outbursts.
Don't sell short the benefit of therapy either. Been there too. Have an open mind. Remember these people are trying to help you. I glad that your parents pay enough attention to you and have concerns about your well being. It's obvious that they love you and are concerned for you.
If you do start a medication be sure to let your parents or therapist know if you have thoughts about suicide. There are higher incidents of teens on antidepressants and other medications and suicide. I think it is the "trough or valley" just before things start to improve. It's my opinion not based on medical research.
Suicide doesn't help your problems and it ruins the lives of those who love you. I know of a couple of families it has happened to recently. You couldn't imagine the pain of a parent of loved one who discovers the person who commits suicide. Your current pain could not compare to the pain of those who are left behind.
This is temporary as long as you are willing to get help. I wish you the best in getting better. Feel free to PM me if you want someone to run things by.
Are you using any substances? Please be honest.
Slow down. Breathe. Breathe again...
Talking with a pro is never a bad thing so you should, if you can. There is a bit of depression here (some of the things you describe seem to fit), it sounds, but don't hyperfocus on it - that never makes anything better.
And for God's sake, get off the internet if you're going to attempt to self-diagnose (especially via Wiki!). What you'll find and no doubt read more into will only make you feel more depressed. But you're digging, so that means you're looking for answers: so go get the right one, from a pro. ;)
Meanwhile, some things come to mind:
I can relate to being such a thinker as yourself. While constant analysis of what's going on around you isn't a bad thing, necessarily, you can't keep it up and stay mentally rested. It's just too much, as you know - especially when your mind slips into the things you have absolutely no control over. It's hard but some of those things you have to try to let go: you just can't help most things you worry about. It's much easier said than done, but you're aware of it and that's a good thing. Try to use some of that mental energy in a different way. Stop the HABIT. And yes, it's a habit. Redirect that feeling to enable your engagement of those good things in life, rather than dwell and analyze from afar. It will take effort, perhaps a change of pace and routine; being physically active really helps the mental state, so get outside when you can. (I'm a sunshine lover myself - I get you with the dark thing, but it's the longer winter nights that get me stirred up on occasion.)
A pro once suggested to me: limit yourself when you find yourself thinking about these bad things: let yourself think about it for a specific amount of time, then stop yourself once the time is up. "Self. That's enough for now. Cool it." Then do something rewarding to distract yourself (be it a bike ride or simply getting a necessary chore done). Allow yourself that time to think but gradually wean yourself of that allowed time; basically replace that negative mental time with other, positive things. Habits take time and much energy to break (and sometimes help to break, so as suggested, don't be shy or ashamed to talk to a pro). The mind is a powerful thing, good and/or bad. Grab yourself by the horns (aka: ya gotta try!). ;)
I can also relate with your example of the sadness you sometimes find in positive actions, especially those things that express love or caring. I'm a very sensitive, empathetic person, so for me, I think it's a recognition of how 'beautiful' (special?) it is to love someone or something, to have a relationship (even with a dog), etc.....but all-the-while, knowing, deep down, that all this is fleeting and ultimately temporary. So the 'truth' brings sadness quickly after the happiness, when I remember that it is indeed only temporary. And when this "sadness" hits, I get 'sad' and it can kill motivation to do anything fun, rewarding, or stimulating. It's a sort of a defense mechanism, surely, but goes along with depression, too...and totally not healthy, especially when it becomes a debilitating habit and the norm for one's life. Continuing to not engage with those things we love, but feel sad about, makes it all worse - it's a bad cycle.
This has much to do with perspective, I think, and that influences how you spend your time - how, in other words, you let your mindset influence your feelings and even actions. It's OK to recognize the "temporary-ness" of everything in life, but you can't let it paralyze you physically or mentally...and it's easy to do. Then it becomes that habit: we're behind the computer all day,
In my totally less than qualified opinion, don't beat yourself up so much. 17 really is quite a time in one's life - all kinds of things going on. You come across rather intelligent, too, which probably doesn't help! Too much thinking with too much feeling, with not enough life experience to help settle it a little.
It's just as bad as any drug: break the habit. Force yourself to engage those things you're analyzing and try to live in, and enjoy the moment, rather than observing from afar and pondering the future... Throw the ball with your mom's dog, hug your girlfriend for 10 seconds longer, tell your grandfather that you love him - take charge of those things and own them. Fill those pages of the mind with good stuff, bro!
No offense, but just in case: drinking/smoking/drugs won't help this mindset at all, and will only make it worse, adding to the need of a crutch. Plenty can attest to that. It also won't help the sex drive.
Probably not a bad idea. A good therapist will help you understand that everything you described is probably normal to some degree and help you get a better handle on how to deal with life productively. I definitely recommend that you stop trying to diagnose yourself via the web. You are likely suffering from anxiety and depression rather than a major mental disorder, but only a professional can tell. I have spent time with 6 or 7 different psychologists/therapists in my life. 2 or 3 of them were completely useless from the start; another couple of them provided insight that was invaluable. You have to shop around and do research sometimes. I was spinning my wheels for a while until I found a therapist who was heavily into mindfulness practice and at the same time, I also started visiting a very esoteric massage therapist who gave me a lot of encouragement with my creative endeavors. You have to be honest and willing to exercise your brain daily like a muscle to get your thought process under control.
[IME, YMMV, IANAP, etc.]
and ... get more exercise ... if you can't sleep and you feel out of your body, working up a sweat is a simple, practical way of helping fix both things. When I was 17 the only thing that kept me sane was running 5 miles a night. (Wish I'd kept it up!)
The questions you're struggling with have no easy answers, and part of life is learning to deal with the fact that there will always be questions as long as you live. Steer clear of anyone who claims to have all the answers. Try to find enjoyment in your ability to ask big questions where you can. Maybe read this.
One last thought ... rather than chewing on these big questions before sleep, maybe consider this:
I'll only post this...
Sorry for being so blunt, but you're posting this because you want people to give you longwinded answers to which you'd reply.
Get off your ass and seek professional help so that you can get diagnosed and feel better about yourself and life in general. What you describe isn't normal and you've mentioned that people on this forum who've never met you have strongly suggested that you seek help... yet you come back here for more talk about symptoms.
If you want attention, continue making threads like this. If you want results, stop with this inaction BS and do something! Make appointments, take some tests from professional therapists, etc. Be logical ; if you do nothing, how do you think anything will ever change?
Sorry again for being so blunt, but people like this annoy the hell out of me. Complaining on a forum does NOTHING! Get off your ass, make phone calls, go to appointments, and talk to somebody who can help you! It's been suggested multiple times and you'd rather create a thread.
Baffles the mind. Stop posting in this thread and DO SOMETHING! Sincerely, I wish you luck.
I'll say this ...
If you were really nuts you wouldn't know it .
The fact that you know or feel something isn't right is a good thing . It means you haven't totally lost it.
Its not going to hurt to get some professional help .
You'll. Be ok...
Talk to a therapist...really, everyone would benefit from doing this, not just those who are struggling with something. Self-awareness can be a wonderful means of avoiding painful mistakes and shooting ourselves in the feet.
Personally, I'd avoid seeking a religious solution...but then again, I've spent thousands of dollars on therapy because of religion... Anyone who doesn't want you to see a therapist has their own selfish reasons/agendas, which have very little to do with your personal well-being.
Sorry for being blunt, but you should see a doctor, not a priest. Clinical depression could explain all your symptoms, or you could be suffering from some simple organic condition. Nobody here can diagnose you, so go and talk to a doctor, but please be honest with them in regards to drugs or alcohol. If they don't know the full story, it's a waste of time.
I am on no substances currently and religion is not something I can just choose to pickup. I went to church regularly fire several periods in my life
it's simple,... you need an Exorcism!:hiding:
Sorry if either of those posts came out as rude. I was on my phone, typing distracted and mincing words. Neither of those was intended to be snarky
I won't go into length in my post, but I will simply state that at the age of 17 I had many eerily similar experiences to you (although nothing related to the sun going down early - more ocd tendencies).
I never saw a therapist, aside from one brief intake session where I decided against continuing, which occured when I was around 17. I then went away to college, ended up becoming a psychology major, figured out a lot of things about myself, other people, and how to interpret things (as a result of both my major, but more predominately the social experience of college), and ultimately I have grown/evolved into a much stronger and more fulfilled person.
This is just a short-form version of my experience with similar issues, I am happy to talk ad nauseam about it if you want to PM me. Overall I do not regret making the choice not to undergo therapy, but I do think it is a very useful tool for the majority of the population.
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