Thinking of taking... The plunge!

[Eric Perry]

Hey all,

I've been thinking of popping the proverbial question to the gurl recently. We've been going out almost a year, and things are going very well. I just turned 38 and this is only the second time I've ever even considered the whole marriage thing, despite a few 5+ year relationships, so it's definitely not a knee-jerk reaction or anything like that.

Anywho, my question involves the ring. I guess I don't have any specific questions, but would just love all the input possible on ring shopping/buying/etc. Any help from those of you who have been there and done that would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance!

[Gard]

Originally Posted by Eric Perry

Hey all,

I've been thinking of popping the proverbial question to the gurl recently. We've been going out almost a year, and things are going very well. I just turned 38 and this is only the second time I've ever even considered the whole marriage thing, despite a few 5+ year relationships, so it's definitely not a knee-jerk reaction or anything like that.

Anywho, my question involves the ring. I guess I don't have any specific questions, but would just love all the input possible on ring shopping/buying/etc. Any help from those of you who have been there and done that would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance!

...does she know about, and understand, the relationship you have with small furry rodents???



...in all seriousness, I have never purchased a ring, I had a family heirloom ring. My take on it is this - if YOU feel that it is the right symbol for how you feel for her, she should be thrilled by it, size, price, "bling factor" should not matter one bit.

Do NOT follow the jeweler's and diamond merchant BS rule of "1/4 of your yearly income" as being appropriate, because that's crap. Oh, and if you go to Jared, I will hunt you down and kill you, for your own good.

[EricF]

First of all, I'm not totally surprised. I mean that in a good way.

DO NOT...I repeat, DO NOT!!!!...buy from a jewelry retailer in your local mall.

For me, I went to the jewelry mart district in downtown Los Angeles (a place recommend by a good friend). I got great service, they were able to do some significant customizing of the setting to create a unique ring set, and they do trade-ins if you ever decide to upgrade the rock (which I did for our 5th anniv.).

[MJ5150]

For the engagement ring, I went behind my wifes back and got her mom to give me her engagement ring. My wife was totally shocked and stoked to receive it. My wifes mom was planning on passing down the ring anyway some day since her husband had passed when my wife was a child.

For wedding rings, we wanted something really simple, so the wife and I bought plain gold bands. We got those from a small jewelry store in town. We tried going to the mall, but I would get distracted by Orange Julius and all the cool kicks at Foot Locker.

-Mike

[Gard]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

For the engagement ring, I went behind my wifes back and got her mom to give me her engagement ring. My wife was totally shocked and stoked to receive it. My wifes mom was planning on passing down the ring anyway some day since her husband had passed when my wife was a child.

For wedding rings, we wanted something really simple, so the wife and I bought plain gold bands. We got those from a small jewelry store in town. We tried going to the mall, but I would get distracted by Orange Julius and all the cool kicks at Foot Locker.

-Mike

MJ, good mention: wedding bands - shop small independent retailers, and for us bass-wielding fiends, I recommend titanium, very light, unobtrusive, and minimal annoyance on your playing hand.

[tZer]

I did it totally wrong! I had no clue what to do and if I had to do it all again, I'd do it totally differently - probably starting with starting a thread here...

I still ended up married though (12 years in 3 days), so apparently you can screw that up completely and still get a 'yes'.

[KenHR]

Get the stone from a diamond merchant...take a trip to NYC for a day, seriously. You'll save a lot on the rock, and that's the major part of your cost right there.

And as someone who DID spend a bit over 1/3 of his annual income to get a _really_ nice (classy, not gaudy) designer ring, make sure you insure it. My fiancee lost hers a couple months ago. After the homicidal instinct left my being, I filed a claim and got it replaced at no cost to me (with a better stone, to boot!). The insurance premium was only $120 for a year, and after the claim it went up to $150. Well worth it.

[turbo chicken]

question where the traditional rules come from when purchasing a ring ... question weather you should or need to follow them ...

The 3 C's only matter when you start to look at them under a jewelers lense ... compare rings on your pinky at arms length.

buy used... take it to a jeweler to be repaired and cleaned ...

Don't go into debt for a stupid ring ... or the wedding... spend more on the honey moon than you do on anything else. I wish i had.

pre marriage counseling ... after you pop that question.

my wife was happy with wedding bands ... i got her the bling when i could afford it.

[CapnSev]

This is like a 180 for you isn't it? I though you were all anti- marriage and stuff.

If you do decide to go through with it, congratulations, and I second Gard's opinion on rings. The mall is the devil, they jack everything up by a huge profit margin. Find a local jeweler who will make you what you want, or find some kind of outlet or something. I got my wife's ring at an outlet mall in the clearance case for an incredible deal!

[Funky Ghost]

Get a ring made. Nothing worse than a girl having a ring all her girlfriends have seen in a book or at the mall. I went with a great setting and was a little frugal ( I was quite young and not making a ton of kaysh ) with the diamond. Now, I don't recommend saying what I did She knew I was a natural born smart ass going in . . . I told her that marriage was like a job. It takes hard work, and that hard work is rewarded. At the 5 year mark I'll put a bigger diamond in, and every 5 years after that She laughed, so all was good. We're on the 5th diamond now. Traded in each lesser stone to help fund the next. Her ring was reinvented so momma was happy, and as we all know, when momma is happy, the house is happy.

[Eric Perry]

Thanks everyone! This is a total 180 for me, definitely.

I have already been warned about the "mall shops" (Zales, Kays, etc.) and will be avoiding them! I work in Human Services, so I can't afford any crazy rock anyway! What do you all think about online retailers? A few seem to have *great* reputations online. I found a gorgeous stone and ring combo at UnionDiamond.com earlier that I really, really liked. I wary about buying a diamond sight-unseen, but all the positive reviews I've read can't all lie, right? The premise is that what these online shops save in advertising, they pass on to the consumer. Truth, or crap?

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by Eric Perry

Hey all,

I've been thinking of popping the proverbial question to the gurl recently. We've been going out almost a year, and things are going very well. I just turned 38 and this is only the second time I've ever even considered the whole marriage thing, despite a few 5+ year relationships, so it's definitely not a knee-jerk reaction or anything like that.

Anywho, my question involves the ring. I guess I don't have any specific questions, but would just love all the input possible on ring shopping/buying/etc. Any help from those of you who have been there and done that would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance!

I bought my wife (yay, I can offically call her "wife" rather than fiancee) a 1/4ct. heart shaped solitaire from Kay Jewelers. They have an awesome protection plan that insures against loss of diamonds and an upgrade policy.

Later I got her a 1/5ct enhancer and had them fused a few weeks before the wedding. Total cost was about $1200.

Originally Posted by Gard

MJ, good mention: wedding bands - shop small independent retailers, and for us bass-wielding fiends, I recommend titanium, very light, unobtrusive, and minimal annoyance on your playing hand.

I went Tungsten Carbide myself.

[warwick.hoy]

+1 Family Heirlooms.

I can certainly appreciate the sentiment of creating new future heirlooms too. If you decide to get something new; consider a meaningful engraving to mark the occasion; your initials her initials and the date.

I don't know much about rings but I would definitely place an importance on quality as you want something like that to last. I'm assuming that means spending a little bit more and probably dealing with a local jeweler instead of Kay or Jarred or one of the corporate jewelers

And congrats and good lucky.

[Funky Ghost]

My sister in law got a FAT rock from an estate sale a couple years back for a silly price. Might check that source.

[pointbass]

The first wife, I have no idea what I did about a ring .... too many years ago to remember. The 2nd (current & permanent) wife that I've been with for over 30 years now was easy. I let her pick the ring herself and it was the best thing I ever did. When I proposed (on a ski lift in Lake Placid) I didn't worry about having a ring at that immediate moment ....

If I had bought it myself, I would have: a) spent way too much; b) purchased something much too awkward for her to wear; c) probably been ripped off by the jeweler. My wife is an artist and knows a bunch of people who are small craftsman. She was able to find the perfect ring setting and the perfect size stone, exactly what she liked (and no, not all women like having a huge rock on their finger).

Over these many years I have bought her quite a few rings and I always let her be a part of the selection process

[pointbass]

BTW, congrats for finding a good one

[Eric Perry]

Here is the one I'm considering. Again, it's from an online place with a killer reputation. It's a. 51 carat Marquise that did well on the whole 4 C's thing. It's a EGL certified rock too.

[MJ5150]

Originally Posted by pointbass

BTW, congrats for finding a good one

Yes, I agree with Ed. I hope it all works out for the both of you.

-Mike

[warwick.hoy]

Originally Posted by Eric Perry

Here is the one I'm considering. Again, it's from an online place with a killer reputation. It's a. 51 carat Marquise that did well on the whole 4 C's thing. It's a EGL certified rock too.

That's a pretty ring boss. Modern.

The Wife got her engagement ring closer to the day we got married.

She likes old things



The smaller of the more decorative rings is the engagement ring and the diamond in the basket setting is the wedding "band". The actual band is my wedding ring. These all belonged to my great grandmother (my great grandfather didn't wear a ring) and I don't have the story down perfectly,....but all these rings will be 100 years old in our lifetime (my band is actually engraved with the date 5-28-27) and there is something very appealing about that. The connection to family is also important. The other cool thing is none of these rings needed to be sized and they fit our ring fingers perfectly.

[EricF]

Nice looking ring, man. Seriously.