Took my Father-in-law to a nursing home

stratovani · #1 11-18-2010, 01:11 PM

Just got back from taking my father-in-law to what they call an extended-care facility (AKA a nursing home) where he'll be spending a few days. What a sad, sad place that is. Elderly people in various stages of Alzheimers and dementia, it's almost like a mental institution but without the younger patients. They charge the insurance company $310/day to stay there, which comes to over $113,000/year! But what's really sad is that all these people were once young, vital and alive, and now age has reduced them to this. I pray that the Good Lord takes me before I get to that point. Some seem happy, others oblivious, still others look drugged, but at this point in my life just the thought of being a burden to my family saddens me to no end.

MiniMoose234 · #2 11-18-2010, 01:23 PM

I'm only 16, but after working with my parents when their parent's did this, I know it's incredibly difficult. My mom's mom had some kind of Alzheimer's/dementia like problem, and was bedridden the last 7 years of her life, with her husband taking care of her daily and was a real trooper.
My mom has M.S, and while the medication has helped a lot, I can already notice her mind slowly going, and she's not very old at all, (between 50-60) and my dad who's 66, hasn't had any mind problems but physically he's definitely going downhill.
I hope it will be a long time before I have to worry about this. But it's still in my mind.

Jim Nazium · #3 11-18-2010, 01:34 PM

Ugh, that has to be brutal. My mom passed very suddenly, which was sad of course, but at least we didn't have to watch her waste away.

Best wishes to the OP and family members.

MJ5150 · #4 11-18-2010, 01:57 PM

My grandfather died in one of those homes. It was a terrible and tragic ending to a once proud and powerful mans life. It makes me cry to just think about it.

The people taking care of aged adults are the ones who should be making millions per year, not some bozo 24 year old who can throw a football really far.

-Mike

stratovani · #5 11-18-2010, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ5150

My grandfather died in one of those homes. It was a terrible and tragic ending to a once proud and powerful mans life. It makes me cry to just think about it.

The people taking care of aged adults are the ones who should be making millions per year, not some bozo 24 year old who can throw a football really far.

-Mike

I couldn't agree more with you.

Another thing is that when us Baby Boomers get to that age they're going to need a lot more of these homes than they have now. Not to get political, but let's hope the government can find a way to divert a few bucks from the Middle East to build more elder care facilities. They're going to need them!

MatticusMania · #6 11-18-2010, 02:43 PM

I hope I die before I get old

This is my generation

MakiSupaStar · #7 11-18-2010, 02:53 PM

That's tough brother. My grandfather recently passed away in one of these. I had to help my father through it. He felt a lot of guilt. My dad is a good man and really owned up to the responsibility, even though his father was not a very good father to him. Hang in there. It's for the best. You wouldn't have done it, if it wasn't.

Pilgrim · #8 11-18-2010, 04:45 PM

My mom spent her last couple of years in what was fortunately a very nice care home; her mind was fading out, but she was physically frail at age 86, especially after having smoked for 60 years. Fortunately her body gave out before her mind did. Not by much, but it was still a kindness. She was a wonderful, compassionate lady and a fantastic mom.

P. Aaron · #9 11-18-2010, 04:51 PM

At age 93, my grandfather & grandmother were in one of those assisted living apartments.

My grandma's health started to deteriorate rapidly and she was placed in a fine convalescent center about a mile down the road.

My grandpa would walk down there every day to make sure was o.k. The Sec State had taken away his ability to drive due to his vision. Once she was in the home, he within 3-5 days was hospitalized & died. I think he just accepted that he had done all he could and he was done.

My grandma lived another year in the center, she had advanced alzheimer's and she only recognized me as the guy who came and wheeled her outside.

My folks are getting up there to (as am I) with strokes & aches. We can only hope we get help so these situations are made a bit easier for us.

good luck & God Bless

hrodbert696 · #10 11-18-2010, 06:21 PM

It is a really hard time when the only way to get someone the care they need is in a nursing home. We used to go visit my grandmother in one when she had Alzheimer's, before she passed. I always found it depressing, but then watching the ladies I realized that they still had their lives going on, even if it was on such different terms; they had their little comforts and pleasures (and frustrations and rivalries) through the day. It helped to accept the situation when I realized that.

Mike N · #11 11-18-2010, 06:42 PM

My Grandmother spent the last couple years of her life in a nursing home. What a depressing place. Like my Dad pointed out, this is the last stop on the train. He was also quick to point out the vast majority of residents were women, and he added that you wont see many men here lingering because we luck out and die first.

On an unrelated side note, my Grandmother would have turned 98 today if she were still with us.

Lady Kayri · #12 11-20-2010, 04:43 PM

My mom spent the last 6 months of her life in a nursing home; combination of Alzheimer's, Parkinsons, Diabetes, and osteoporosis. Problem was finding a home that could handle ALL her problems; most are set up for either dementia OR other physical problems, and not both. Plus it was hard finding the right combination of medications to keep her as well as possible; too many of the best ones interacted badly with others... She had been taken care of at home by a 24 hour a day caretaker for the year previous, as my Dad has his own medical difficulties and just couldn't cope any more. At least she went relatively quickly; I know people who have loved ones with dementia who lived in nursing homes for quite a few years prior to passing. I'm in agreement with those who hope that when my time comes, I go relatively quickly. And blessings and good wishes to all those who have, are, or will be coping with loved ones afflicted with any of the various conditions that cause dementia, as well as those who take care of them.