Torn; Parents Disappointed.

[WyrmDL]

It's a horrible feeling. I finally found something that I know I could enjoy, something I could turn into my calling, a dream job. For the first time, this was a path designed for me, not a path designed because I thought everyone else would be proud.

I want to go into metal works. Wood works. Leather works. I love hands-on crafts. I want to get into blacksmithing, bladesmithing.

My parent's thought I have no focus, no motivation, no plans, no direction. I did, for a while. I was lost; I mean, if your lost, how can you possibly plan out your future? I do realize they care about me, and want me to have a financially stable life.

They recently found out that I wanted to get into blacksmithing and bladesmithing. I wasn't there for the conversation, but they got angry. My mom isn't talking to me. I haven't had a chance to talk to my dad yet.

I will talk to them when I have a chance to. I will explain my intentions and clear any misplaced expectations. They will not be happy, but I will at the very least try to get them to understand my position and direction.

It feels absolutely horrible to know that I finally found a direction I want to go, and my parents are disappointed and don't want to support what I want to do.

I'm still going to pursue the craft I yearn for. If after I try and fall, and fall, then maybe I will consider something else. But I'm going to try.

EDIT: It was a short vent, and again, I'm being a little spoiled baby. Perhaps when my head clears, I will revise these statements to my truer intentions.

[heroincredible]

I've had the same sorts of problems with my parents. No matter what my endeavors in life are, if they don't like it they become extremely disappointed with me and will go out of their way to make sure I fail. It's extremely disheartening, but it only makes me want to succeed more just to prove them wrong.

Yes, it feels bad that your parents don't support you. But if it's something that you truly want to do, use that as motivation to succeed, and when you do succeed and prove your parents wrong, it feels really, REALLY good.

[Stumbo]

I suggest you find out more about how to get experience in blade/black smithing. Here's a start. Guy's gone to art school as well. There's room for lots of creativity wherever you go.

Training Courses in Blacksmithing, Bladesmithing, Metalsmithing from Artisan Blacksmith Darrell Markewitz of the Wareham Forge in Ontario Canada

Instructor: Darrell Markewitz

Darrell has been working with forged iron for over 25 years. He has completed 4 years at Ontario College of Art. During his 5 years at Black Creek Pioneer Village, he worked in the Blacksmith shop part time for two years and full time as primary smith for three. He now makes his living as an artistic blacksmith and museum consultant.

Print out a bunch of info. I suggest you make a presentation to your parents. Frame it as a path to entrepreneurship/self-employment.

Still, you're young. Explore different paths. Don't limit yourself.

FYI, as far as dream jobs go, once something becomes a "job" that you're doing 40-50 hours a week, your ideas can change.

BTW, having a discussion about something or talking about your hopes/dreams doesn't make you a "little spoiled baby". It makes you human. For your parents to blow up over your "ideas", is mind numbing, to say the least. IME, what they need to be doing is having reasonable, positive discussions with you about your future. Sounds like they are following the Tiger parent code that produces adults that are technically proficient but stunted socially and emotionally.

All this anger and passive-aggressive behavior from your parents, IMO, is exactly what a spoiled kid does. IME, don't let them crush your dreams and make you an emotional casualty over what path(s) you want to follow.

Oh, btw, freedom of speech applies to everyone, not just adults.

Good luck.

[farbeyondwillie]

I know what you mean man. My dad wanted me to go to college and become a doctor so as I could take care of him when he got old. I told him I wasn't gonna go because I have no desire to be a doctor. He was furious and told me I was worthless. I also told him I didn't want to take adderal(?) because it made me feel like a zombie. Guess what he said to that. Hell my dad already planed my life.

He wanted me to get rich and live with him til he died. He didn't want me to drive, get a girlfriend, or even hang out at my friends. (He wouldn't even let my homes come to my house). I mean there is no way to make a guy who won't work, won't help around the house, won't even talk to me without insulting me happy.

Now he was a tw@t. My mom however as been nothing but supportive. She wants be to go to college, but won't force it on me. He'll she is the complete opposite of my dad.

My point is it feels really good to have your parents support and encouragement. But eventually you have to live your life and not theirs. (sorry bout grammar but I'm watching for tornados while typing)

[WyrmDL]

Thank you everyone for your input - words cannot describe how grateful I am to hear them.

I just talked to both of them, and they want me to get a applicable 4 year degree. They don't care what I do afterwards, as long as I get a degree of use. It's not a demand out of question, it's just, other than the metalworks stuff, I don't know what I'll do.

I'm still in mental vertigo at the moment; I will recollect my thoughts later.

[guy n. cognito]

Originally Posted by WyrmDL

Thank you everyone for your input - words cannot describe how grateful I am to hear them.

I just talked to both of them, and they want me to get a applicable 4 year degree. They don't care what I do afterwards, as long as I get a degree of use. It's not a demand out of question, it's just, other than the metalworks stuff, I don't know what I'll do.

I'm still in mental vertigo at the moment; I will recollect my thoughts later.

If your parents are willing to pay for college, you'd be an idiot not to go.

[Topspin]

First thing first- it's YOUR life. Do tons of research, talk to people in your fields of interest. Weigh the up/downsides.

I'm kind of in the same boat, I want to join the army after I graduate (senior next year). My parents are... less than supportive.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck.

[Jim Nazium]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

If your parents are willing to pay for college, you'd be an idiot not to go.

I respectfully disagree. Spending four years of your life and thousands of dollars of your parents' money to get a degree you don't care about isn't necessarily a good deal.

[Stumbo]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

If your parents are willing to pay for college, you'd be an idiot not to go.

+infinity

I suggest you widen your search, here's a start: http://www.ehow.com/list_6970197_met...g-schools.html

The Appalachian Center for Craft at Tennessee Tech University is a satellite location for students pursuing craft studies. It offers a bachelor of fine arts degree or certificate in metals. The programs prepare students for careers including blacksmithing, jewelery making and teaching. Students learn how to use hand tools, machines and modern technology as well as the history of metalworking and design techniques. The fine arts bachelor's degree program in metals allows students to specialize in hollow ware, blacksmithing and jewelry. Coursework includes classes in blacksmithing, metalsmithing, casting, jewelry, drawing, history, sculpture and design. The Appalachian Center for Craft also offers metals workshops in day, evening and weekend formats.

Appalachian Center for Craft

1560 Craft Center Drive

Smithville, TN 37166

931-372-3051

tntech.edu/craftcenter


This should be a happy time in your life. I suggest you turn your attitude/outlook around and get on with your business. Do research, ask questions, check out local schools that teach any metal working skills. Setup a file to accumulate your research so you can make an informed decision.

Get out there and don't look back. Show them how it's done! You can do it!

[guy n. cognito]

Originally Posted by Jim Nazium

I respectfully disagree. Spending four years of your life and thousands of dollars of your parents' money to get a degree you don't care about isn't necessarily a good deal.

Maybe in your mind, but it's certainly a better deal than stopping in high school and trying to compete in the modern world.

[WyrmDL]

Originally Posted by Jim Nazium

I respectfully disagree. Spending four years of your life and thousands of dollars of your parents' money to get a degree you don't care about isn't necessarily a good deal.

This is exactly the the crux I am stumped on. I didn't want them to painfully pay tuition if I was just half-heartedly motivated in whatever field I decided on. I've already gone to junior college for 2 years without any lead (actually losing the lead that I thought I had).

[Stumbo]

IME, there are aptitude tests available. Maybe your junior college has a department that can work with you on that. Or a local university.

I mean, lots of people start metal working out in their garage. Learn to weld, cut, design and stuff on your own, whatever you are doing. Just like music. If you're motivated, make it happen.

Check out the fine art schools with metal working programs to see what the requirements and program entails.

Present to your parents as it will fulfill both your goals.

[Stumbo]

Originally Posted by WyrmDL

...(actually losing the lead that I thought I had).

What do you mean "lead"? The junior college has the resources available for you to research on finding schools that will provide education in the field of your choice.

IMO, talk less, do more.

[WyrmDL]

I had thought I wanted to pursue Physics, but that was only a path to please other people.

Also, with the degree my parents envisioned, they essentially want me to get a "useful" degree, as backup in case I failed at whatever I tried at. A metalworking program is not what they want me to do, because they don't want me to put all my eggs in one basket.

I'm still going to go after metalworks, but I think I will try to find a degree they will be satisfied too; one that would benefit me and my future career choices. Perhaps, something along the lines of management or leadership. I actually have no confidence in anything like that, and so it would force me to face my fears and get me to grow and develop some essential life skills.

It's only been another day of brainstorming though. I still have some time to decide, but that's certainly an option.

[bassist11]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

If your parents are willing to pay for college, you'd be an idiot not to go.

I have to agree. College is a real eye opener and makes you realize just how many options are out there career wise.

I went in thinking I would be a mechanical engineer and decided it wasn't for me a year and a half in. I took some other classes that looked interesting and now I'm an unmanned aerial systems major.

My advice -- go to college if your parents are willing to help you out, don't worry about declaring a major when you go and just take classes that you think are interesting. Hell, even a business degree would work well with metalworks. You could start up your own metal working business.

[stevetx19]

eh...college isn't all about job training. Language and math skills are generally helpful in life. Exposure to a number of higher sciences and humanities is difficult to find outside of college. If you have the money or access to funding, i wouldn't turn it down. You could look for art degree programs that involve the mediums you are interested in.

[fdeck]

Originally Posted by WyrmDL

I had thought I wanted to pursue Physics, but that was only a path to please other people.

Also, with the degree my parents envisioned, they essentially want me to get a "useful" degree, as backup in case I failed at whatever I tried at. A metalworking program is not what they want me to do, because they don't want me to put all my eggs in one basket.

I'm still going to go after metalworks, but I think I will try to find a degree they will be satisfied too; one that would benefit me and my future career choices. Perhaps, something along the lines of management or leadership. I actually have no confidence in anything like that, and so it would force me to face my fears and get me to grow and develop some essential life skills.

It's only been another day of brainstorming though. I still have some time to decide, but that's certainly an option.

Mechanical engineering plus metalworking would be a cool combination.

[HaMMerHeD]

No matter how much they might want to, your parents can't live your life for you.

Now...in about 10 years, someone needs to remind me of that, as my own will be ready to leave high school and move on.

[colcifer]

Originally Posted by bassist11

I'm an unmanned aerial systems major.

Is that as awesome as it sounds?

Originally Posted by fdeck

Mechanical engineering plus metalworking would be a cool combination.

+1

Originally Posted by HaMMerHeD

No matter how much they might want to, your parents can't live your life for you.

Now...in about 10 years, someone needs to remind me of that, as my own will be ready to leave high school and move on.

I'll remind you in five.

[guitar ed]

In your situation, the best revenge is success.

Not anger, not "cutting them off," or any other such behavior.

Be polite to them, even when they aren't. Invite them to your major life events, even if they don't show. Pay your own bills.

And if you do fail, and you might, be honest about it, to them. Tell them what you learned from the experience.

Go for it.

edg