The Ultimate Firewall

[plankspanker13]

1. One human cell contains 75MB genetic information.
2. One sperm cell contains a half of that; that is 37.5MB.
3. One ml of semen contains 100 million sperm cells.
4. On average, ejaculation lasts for 5 sec and contains 2.25 ml semen.
5. This means that the throughput of a man's member is equal to (37.5MB x 100,000,000 x 2.25)/5 = 1 687 500 000 000 000 byte/second = 1,6875 Тerabyte/sec

This means that the female eggcell withstands this DDoS attack at 1.5 terabytes per second, and only lets through one(!) data package, thereby being the best freaking hardware firewall in the world!

The downside of it is that this only small data package that it lets through, hangs the system for the whole of 9 months!

[i_got_a_mohawk]

And people in IT wonder why they never get laid?

[Jimmy Bones]

That's not entirely accurate. Every so often, more than one packet gets through, or the system which loads the firewall actually loads multiple iterations of the same program, which each allows one or more data packets each.

It's also extremely inefficient - it's like a freeware trial of the firewall program. If the firewall stops all packets, doesn't encounter any packets, or doesn't allow any through for one reason or another, or allows one to pass through, but aborts the process, it discards a whole iteration of the program. Once the set number of iterations is up, it stops working at all, even if a renewal of subscription is tried.

Additionally, if the firewall lets any packets through, it gets drastically mutated, and creates a whole new hardware system which either creates more viral packets, or duplicates the faulty firewall system.

[bigbass94]

When a man and a woman love each other very much, he whips out a calculator....

[derrellvis69]

I'm old school.... I still use a slide-rule!!!

[rr5025]

This thread has kinda killed my sexual appetite...

[KeithBMI]

I use the right hand rule.

[NJL]

i like ARP poisoning

[Valerus]

i am speechless.

[Jimmy Bones]

I count on my fingers...

When I absolutely *need* a toy, I choose a Chinese abacus.

[PSPookie]

Originally Posted by Jimmy Bones

That's not entirely accurate. Every so often, more than one packet gets through, or the system which loads the firewall actually loads multiple iterations of the same program, which each allows one or more data packets each.

It's also extremely inefficient - it's like a freeware trial of the firewall program. If the firewall stops all packets, doesn't encounter any packets, or doesn't allow any through for one reason or another, or allows one to pass through, but aborts the process, it discards a whole iteration of the program. Once the set number of iterations is up, it stops working at all, even if a renewal of subscription is tried.

Additionally, if the firewall lets any packets through, it gets drastically mutated, and creates a whole new hardware system which either creates more viral packets, or duplicates the faulty firewall system.

Not to mention they're terribly expensive and only available on draconian lease terms. Buying isn't even an option (in this country). Additionally, the terms of a typical lease agreement state that a tremendous payout will be required should you choose to terminate said lease or attempt an upgrade.

[need4mospd]

Originally Posted by plankspanker13

The downside of it is that this only small data package that it lets through, hangs the system for the whole of 9 months!

Yeah, but they've got software to fix that.

[flipper_gv]

Wow, that was..... interesting....

wonder what my gf will say of that XD