Under These Circumstances - Wrong to lock my daughter in her room?

[tastybasslines]

My 3 year, 2 month, daughter is finding EVERY excuse to wake up and wreak complete havok during the middle of the night, each and every night.

She goes to bed around 9 - 9:30pm and usually wakes up around 7am. First she wants to come and sleep with us, usually around 2 am, which has been happening for about 2 weeks now, 5 out of the 7 days of the week. We give in, which I suppose is our fault, but otherwise, it is a battle to get her to stay and sleep in her own bed, so we give in.

Among the excuses:

My water is too wet.
My pyjamas don't match the sheets.
The pillow isn't soft enough.
I'm too warm.
I don't like your polka dots (on my wife's pyjamas)

Any of these and more, followed by crying. I want to get her to stay in her bed. If my daughter is totally misbehaving, is it wrong to lock her in her own room? I know she is just seeking attention and this will eventually get her to crawl back into her bed and go to sleep. But, still worried that I'm being mean. I read her 4 or more books and spend quality time with her before putting her to bed. She still wants me to stay then. During the day she is a sweet, loving, mostly well behaved kid.

Opinions? This is causing my wife and I excessive grumpiness, strong irritability, missing my Muay Thai class, (tired as I've been up since 2:30 am) and could not get back to sleep, so I am missing my 8am class...ect, ect..tonight the battle was an HOUR and 15 minutes long!!

[DwaynieAD]

my son, 3 years 6 months, is doing almost the exact same thing. destroying the house under the cover of night.

[Sav'nBass]

Suck it up and consider it one of those parenting things that will pass. Don't lock her in her room. I know it is hard and each kid will bring their own "stuff" . You and your wife should try being firm and patient. When she gets up take her back to her room. If she crys try to ignore her or at least make her think you are ignoring her. Eventually when she stops getting results she will stop doing this. Explain to her that big girls don't do this and she is a big girl... If you have to pop her on the butt it's OK.

[MatticusMania]

As Im not a parent who has had to deal with this I cannot offer much advice.
One thing I would suggest, is to stop giving in when she wants to sleep in your bed, though I dont have a good solution for how to go about that.

[SoVeryTired]

Don't lock the door. Just take her back to her room. The first time, explain quietly and briefly that it's bed time and she needs to sleep in her own room. The second and subsequent times, just lead her back to her room without talking. She's getting all the attention she wants at the moment - she just needs to learn that there's a time and a place, and the middle of the night and your room isn't it!

We had this with our son getting out of bed consistently. The first night was three hours of sitting outside his room, calmly leading him back to his bed every time he opened the door (we took it in shifts). The second night maybe took an hour. And then he got bored of it, seeing that we didn't give him any attention or let him get away with it.

But no, I wouldn't lock the door.

[carl h.]

Originally Posted by Sav'nBass

Suck it up and consider it one of those parenting things that will pass. Don't lock her in her room. I know it is hard and each kid will bring their own "stuff" . You and your wife should try being firm and patient. When she gets up take her back to her room. If she crys try to ignore her or at least make her think you are ignoring her. Eventually when she stops getting results she will stop doing this. Explain to her that big girls don't do this and she is a big girl...

This.

It isn't easy, but you are the teacher and it is hard work. What you do now will have benefits down the road. Put in the time needed for your kid to understand what is expected and to understand that she is not abandoned but needs to stay in her bed.

[tastybasslines]

Originally Posted by SoVeryTired

Don't lock the door. Just take her back to her room. The first time, explain quietly and briefly that it's bed time and she needs to sleep in her own room. The second and subsequent times, just lead her back to her room without talking. She's getting all the attention she wants at the moment - she just needs to learn that there's a time and a place, and the middle of the night and your room isn't it!

We had this with our son getting out of bed consistently. The first night was three hours of sitting outside his room, calmly leading him back to his bed every time he opened the door (we took it in shifts). The second night maybe took an hour. And then he got bored of it, seeing that we didn't give him any attention or let him get away with it.

But no, I wouldn't lock the door.

Yeah, I was going to give this a try. Take her back and don't talk to her. If she gets out of her bed, put her back in and stay QUIET.

My child is strong willed. It will talk a week or more I bet. I'll give it another try.

It's so hard to stay quiet when she says somthing funny and it makes you laugh, or she says, "I love you dada", but at that point, I know she doesn't mean it...she is just trying to prolong the engagement.

[DwaynieAD]

at least yours didn't spread jelly on a DVD and put it in the PS3 at 1 am like mine did. he then came and woke me up to "change the movie because this one isn't working"

[Jared Lash]

Originally Posted by tastybasslines

Yeah, I was going to give this a try. Take her back and don't talk to her. If she gets out of her bed, put her back in and stay QUIET.

My child is strong willed. It will talk a week or more I bet. I'll give it another try.

Yeah, that's the right track. You can't give attention, even negative attention to this behavior. You just pick her up and take her back to her bed without talking or interacting. It may take a couple nights of a bunch of trips back to her room but when she stops getting anything out of the action she'll stop doing it.

Our daughter is about the same age (3 in August) and went through this about six months ago so I can sympathize. We went through the same process until our daughter started sneaking into our room and sleeping on the floor in the middle of the night. We couldn't correct that if we wanted to since she was quiet enough to not wake us up but then eventually stopped altogether.

It'll pass, and you'll help it pass faster by you not giving in and also not making it a huge fight each night to where it becomes part of her routine.

[Relic]

Nah, don't lock her in her room. That can be dangerous shoudl anything ever happen god forbid.
When kids do this sort of thing, it's because it's become a habit that mom and dad enabled. (I know because I've been there..)
What you need to do is start escorting her back to her bed and not giving in. You will face the next two weeks sleepless, miserable, grumpy and half-past dead but eventually she'll surrender and start sleeping in her own bed again. She's stubborn, you need to out-stubborn her.

good luck!!!

[tastybasslines]

Grrrr...

My wife doesn't sleep well as it is...and she says hurtful things walking away, that could be within an earshot that my daughter might pickup. Time for a chat and agreement on what to do. I hate that she does that.

[Tituscrow]

Tough it out. Carry her back to bed each time, without conversation. It might take 20 trips the first night, 15 the second night, 10 the third night and so on...she will eventually concede that her parents are the boss.

Make a BIG fuss the first morning she makes it through the night without visiting you. Treat her if you want, but offer it as an unexpected reward rather than bribery the night before.

Bottom line....love your kids to bits. Walk over hot coals for them. But do not negotiate with a 3 year old.

Good luck, and update us in a week or so.

[lowfreq33]

Originally Posted by DwaynieAD

at least yours didn't spread jelly on a DVD and put it in the PS3 at 1 am like mine did. he then came and woke me up to "change the movie because this one isn't working"

Dude...

Makes me glad we didn't have video games when I was that age. I think the worst thing I broke was a lamp.

[Truktek2]

I wouldn't lock her in her room. I'd just sleep on the floor next to her bed until she gets used to sleeping through the night. When she gets up, just say......and where are you going? Never had that problem myself, but I'd try that first. Good luck.

[aborgman]

Originally Posted by Tituscrow

Tough it out. Carry her back to bed each time, without conversation. It might take 20 trips the first night, 15 the second night, 10 the third night and so on...she will eventually concede that her parents are the boss.

Most of the time, this is what I recommend.

I generally recommend it for kids who cry a lot at night for attention also.

As for the eventual concession - it'll happen with MOST kids, but not all. My youngest had no problem with it.

My oldest on the other hand... we ended up having to lock in his room... After a couple months of 15-20 times a night hauling him back to bed.

Of course - this is the same kid that cried for multiple HOURS a night for weeks after we made him "cry it out" and managed to cry so much that he made himself vomit repeatedly.

[Sav'nBass]

Originally Posted by lowfreq33

Dude...
Makes me glad we didn't have video games when I was that age. I think the worst thing I broke was a lamp.

I blew out the lights in my entire building one day.. We lived on the second floor of a 5 story walk up in The Bronx at the time.

[jasper383]

It's a phase.

Walk her back without a word. She is looking for entertainment and stimulation from you. Don't give it to her.

We used a 3' high pressure gate at the door for our last kid. Kept him in there , but wasn't as drastic as closing and locking the door.

[Oneirogenic]

I had to use a child safety lock on my oldests door because he would ninja out of his room and cause havok. The night he hurt himself (not badly) falling off a couch or table I said no more and did the safety lock. He grew out of the phase of causing trouble and started the coming to our bed phase about 4. He is 6 now and still tries to come to bed in the middle of night. My wife and I are finally on the same page of telling him no and to go back to bed. She used to give in without me knowing and I would wake to getting kicked or otherwise abused by our sleeping kid.

[DwaynieAD]

Originally Posted by lowfreq33

Dude...

Makes me glad we didn't have video games when I was that age. I think the worst thing I broke was a lamp.

I was so angry at the time. Angry to the point that I simply pointed at his bed and he got in it and didn't move until the next morning.

the replacement blu ray drive for it is only 21 dollars + the cost of a set of precision screwdrivers. It's a year out of warranty.

Honestly now that I've calmed down about it the story makes me chuckle a little.

[Oneirogenic]

Originally Posted by DwaynieAD

I was so angry at the time. Angry to the point that I simply pointed at his bed and he got in it and didn't move until the next morning.

the replacement blu ray drive for it is only 21 dollars + the cost of a set of precision screwdrivers. It's a year out of warranty.

Honestly now that I've calmed down about it the story makes me chuckle a little.

My son destroyed or nearly destroyed so much stuff we have taken a lot of precautionary measures with my 2 year old daughter that ironically aren't necessary. She won't come out of her room until we open her door, she won't touch anything electronic that isn't hers without asking for help, and she doesn't throw stuff when she gets mad. She is probably waiting until she is teenager so she accumulate her property damages on my car....