Under These Circumstances - Wrong to lock my daughter in her room?

[Clark Dark]

My daughter is 3y 6mo. She gets a nap around 2pm > 4pm everyday so at 7pm she's not exactly in sleep mode. But what I do is get some readers then as I'm telling the story I always get to a point where the character is sleepy and get her to act sleepy too. Then I tell her she is so safe in her own bed, nothing can hurt her. I leave the bathroom light on overnight incase she needs a potty time and my wife and I explained the light is on for that purpose and that the house isn't entirely dark. And I give her the daddy kiss on her forehead and rub her back for about 10 minutes and she sleeps through the night. Sometimes the little ones are just afraid of the dark.

[tastybasslines]

Originally Posted by Oneirogenic

She used to give in without me knowing and I would wake to getting kicked or otherwise abused by our sleeping kid.

That's me. Mine literally tries to kick me and force me off.

[1958Bassman]

I can't imagine how most kids would react to finding out that their door was locked and they couldn't open it. Might be setting them up for later "issues". I know a guy who was a royal PITA- complained about his wife being crazy and all kinds of other BS that had nothing to do with anyone but himself. One night, while he was on a rant about her, I reminded him that he said he was thinking about dumping her and less than two weeks later, they announced they were engaged. He finally admitted that he doesn't like to be alone. He was about 40 at the time of the admission.

[bassbully]

It is part of being a parent...fun huh? My Daughter is 8 years old and still has night issues every now and then..bad dreams, heard somthing outside etc..."Can I sleep with you?

Never lock the door ! That could really be bad. Work on keeping her in the bed add her fav stuffed animals around her a night light or a book works. We gave a daughter a small plastic flashlight and she shined it around to get thru but would fall back to sleep soon after. Many times were we were too tired and gave in..allot of our friends did this to.
When you need sleep to work etc you have to adapt but offer her ideas like If you go back to bed tonight you can sleep with mom and dad next time (dont). I feel for you have been thru this with three Daughters..not fun.

[sloasdaylight]

Originally Posted by tastybasslines

That's me. Mine literally tries to kick me and force me off.

My girlfriend's son sleeps with us every night he's over, and pretty much that means 3 to 4 nights a week I don't get any sleep because that little kid is trying to kick me off the bed, or putting his knees in my back. Then he wakes up at 5am and expects us to feed him.

I seriously gotta break my girlfriend about that **** and just put up with him crying until he goes to bed.

[DwaynieAD]

Just wanted to say the thought of locking my son in his room crossed my mind more than once. Don't want you to feel alone on that.

[tastybasslines]

Originally Posted by DwaynieAD

Just wanted to say the thought of locking my son in his room crossed my mind more than once. Don't want you to feel alone on that.

Thanks Dwaynie.

[Randyt]

Maybe put her in a sports program...dance, gymnastics, hockey etc...this will tucker her out for bed time!!...Mind / body/ soul....important balance.

Also, have you checked her out for food allergies.>???i know it sounds odd...but my friend was going through some tough times with their son...acting erratic etc...found out he is allergic to red dye...found in alot of foods..sorry dont know the technical term...once diet was corrected...so was the situation...at first I called BS...but it really changed him.

[DwaynieAD]

Originally Posted by Randyt

Maybe put her in a sports program...dance, gymnastics, hockey etc...this will tucker her out for bed time!!...Mind / body/ soul....important balance.

Also, have you checked her out for food allergies.>???i know it sounds odd...but my friend was going through some tough times with their son...acting erratic etc...found out he is allergic to red dye...found in alot of foods..sorry dont know the technical term...once diet was corrected...so was the situation...at first I called BS...but it really changed him.

diet/food allergies affected my younger brother in this way..

[tZer]

My son was just like your daughter - and I, unlike most here did at one point 'lock his door' - well, sort of. But it wasn't to 'keep him in there all night' - it was to show him that I could do that if he continued to disobey us.

He'd get up with one obviously BS excuse after another. Once we were sure he wasn't experiencing anything like night terrors or any other anxiety-type thing, we'd tell him, "go back to bed and go to sleep" - he started having temper tantrums and getting defiant so we would walk him back to his room tell him to get in bed. He'd then pop up and be at our door minutes later - we'd tell him "go back..." he'd run back to his room screaming - and minutes later be at our door again.

That's when I walked him back to his room and told him if he didn't stay in his room, I would take his door knob so he couldn't open his door - and I showed him that I could easily pop his door knob off. The threat of having his door knob removed worked. So I suppose I didn't technically 'lock him in' - nor did he ever experience being 'locked in', but he knew the next time either of us had to walk him back to his room that we'd be leaving with his door knob.

He opted to keep his freedom to leave his room at will - even thought that meant not leaving his room at will. I still think he's confused by why that worked.

[Oneirogenic]

To elaborate on "locking" my son in his room: We only had to do it because he was way too young(2) and too quiet about sneaking out of his room for us to instill him that he couldn't leave his room at night. After a few months of the kid proof door knob we tested taking it off and there was never a problem after that.

Maybe trying a night or two (or however long it takes) of the child proof door knob or a gate will get her in the habit of staying in her room. I didn't like the idea of isolating my son in his room but his safety was my priority at the time and it was effective in permanently fixing his night wandering habit. Now I can threaten take away his videogame or TV privelages to keep him in bed.

[Pilgrim]

Originally Posted by tastybasslines

Yeah, I was going to give this a try. Take her back and don't talk to her. If she gets out of her bed, put her back in and stay QUIET.

My child is strong willed. It will talk a week or more I bet. I'll give it another try.

It's so hard to stay quiet when she says somthing funny and it makes you laugh, or she says, "I love you dada", but at that point, I know she doesn't mean it...she is just trying to prolong the engagement.

You're on the right track. It's worth giving up some sleep for a few mights to work through this without strong-arming your daughter.

[ErebusBass]

You have to stop giving in. You're reinforcing the behavior by giving in. If you give in after she's pleaded for a longer period of time, you will reinforce the behavior at a higher intensity.

If you eliminate the reinforcement for the behavior, the behavior will extinguish.

That's psychology brah.

[Icey101]

Originally Posted by Sav'nBass

Suck it up and consider it one of those parenting things that will pass. Don't lock her in her room. I know it is hard and each kid will bring their own "stuff" . You and your wife should try being firm and patient. When she gets up take her back to her room. If she crys try to ignore her or at least make her think you are ignoring her. Eventually when she stops getting results she will stop doing this. Explain to her that big girls don't do this and she is a big girl... If you have to pop her on the butt it's OK.

+1

[SonicBlueJoe]

We (cough cough MY WIFE the softie) made the mistake of letting No. 2 daughter in the bed from Day 1, so the transition has been...a process. Our hardest challenge came at an earlier age, so it was somewhat different, although the result for us was the same. I finally got her out of the bed after 6 months or so, but the damage was done. At first it was ok, because she was still little and needed alot of sleep, but for more weeks than I can remember, in the 18 mo to 2 year old age (she was really little, so still in a crib), she would wake the dead with the wailing from her room, because she wanted back with her Mommy. Some nights, hourly. Go in, rock her back to sleep, go back to bed, start to fall asleep, howwwwwwwllllllll. Would have been so tempting to haul her into bed and get a good night sleep. By the time she was in a bed where she could leave the room in the middle of the night, we had pretty much broken her spirit for that crap, not that she wouldn't make a run one or twice a week in the 2-5 age range, but nothing like you are experiencing now. She just turned 9. She shows up about once a month, maybe 4 in the morning. Just loves to sleep with that Mommy.

My 11 year, we agreed we wouldn't start her off in the bed, and she's been just fine all the way along. Sleeps like a champ, like I did when I was a kid.

Agree with the no door lock, if it's just your sleep at stake. Safety, property damage, an extremely stubborn child...I certainly wouldn't second guess the choices made by anyone on this thread to go the lock route. I'd probably research it and read as much about it as I could before I did it.

It's just part of parenting, some teaching now and this to shall pass, and then the next challenge will present itself, hopefully at a more reasonable hour

Hang in there, you can do this.

[machine gewehr]

A few drops of vodka in her regular water, juice etc. before she goes to sleep.

Vodka is the answer, it always is.

[Simo98]

Originally Posted by 1958Bassman

I can't imagine how most kids would react to finding out that their door was locked and they couldn't open it.

I grew up on a farm, when I woke up every morning between 2 and 3 years old the door was locked as my parents were already in the dairy milking. They had a baby monitor thingo setup in case of emergency, but it never caused a problem for me, I'd just play with toys or whatever for an hour or two until they got home from working.

Doesn't sound like it would necessarily work or be a good idea in your situation, but figured it was worth sharing.

Originally Posted by Randyt

Also, have you checked her out for food allergies.>???i know it sounds odd...but my friend was going through some tough times with their son...acting erratic etc...found out he is allergic to red dye...found in alot of foods..sorry dont know the technical term...once diet was corrected...so was the situation...at first I called BS...but it really changed him.

Food allergies can be the root of huge problems. My little brother is allergic to a lot of naturally occurring stuff in many foods. It sends his hyperactivity through the roof, and even these days (12 years old) he'll still struggle to sleep well if he has eaten something that set him off.

[aborgman]

Originally Posted by SonicBlueJoe

Agree with the no door lock, if it's just your sleep at stake. Safety, property damage, an extremely stubborn child...I certainly wouldn't second guess the choices made by anyone on this thread to go the lock route.

That is the thing - in my case it WAS a safety issue. Because you had no idea what he would roam around the house and do at night.