Verbal Abuse/Physical Abuse

[cassanova]

So my dad threatened to stab my mother just before calling her a c***. All my life the man has threatened to hurt those around him by bashing their skull or saying things like "i'll bash your God **** teeth in" etc. It's only continuing to escalate as he is now growing more violent by taking swings at my 19 year old sister, pushing my mother. He's actually only gotten physical like that when coming out of his "spells." His dilantin levels drop and it puts him in spells where he can't remember things and sometimes even grand mal seizures. I can't help but wonder if he's using these "spells" as a guise to actually enact his violence. I'm really starting to fear for my families safety and in a sense his safety.

Sorry for the drama but I needed to vent.

[Joe Gress]

Seek help! Now!

[TrooperFarva]

So you come on the internet, instead of calling the police?

[cassanova]

Tried too seek help. According to police "No witnesses, no bruises, = no crime." This also leads me to believe he's using the spells as a guise because there is never anyone around when he's gotten physical.

[Stumbo]

Originally Posted by cassanova

All my life the man has threatened to hurt those around him....

That's the key phrase in your post. Time to call the police.

If you're under 18, call Child Protective Services (or whatever they're called in your area).

It's gone on for too long. Find an abuse hot line in your area. Call them and ask for help.

Don't wait. It's foreseeable that someone will get hurt.

[curandero]

Originally Posted by cassanova

Tried too seek help. According to police "No witnesses, no bruises, = no crime." This also leads me to believe he's using the spells as a guise because there is never anyone around when he's gotten physical.

Well, I can tell you for 100% certain that is not how it's done. I know for a fact that a call for domestic violence will result in someone going to jail even if there is no evidence what-so-ever. Make the call and someone is getting arrested. At least that's how it goes down in Broward County FL, but I was told it's a statewide policy. Thank OJ Simpson for that one.

[knumbskull]

Originally Posted by Stumbo

That's the key phrase in your post. Time to call the police.

If you're under 18, call Child Protective Services (or whatever they're called in your area).

It's gone on for too long. Find an abuse hot line in your area. Call them and ask for help.

Don't wait. It's foreseeable that someone will get hurt.

this is good advice. best of luck.

[rcarraher]

Originally Posted by cassanova

So my dad threatened to stab my mother just before calling her a c***. All my life the man has threatened to hurt those around him by bashing their skull or saying things like "i'll bash your God **** teeth in" etc. It's only continuing to escalate as he is now growing more violent by taking swings at my 19 year old sister, pushing my mother. He's actually only gotten physical like that when coming out of his "spells." His dilantin levels drop and it puts him in spells where he can't remember things and sometimes even grand mal seizures. I can't help but wonder if he's using these "spells" as a guise to actually enact his violence. I'm really starting to fear for my families safety and in a sense his safety.

Sorry for the drama but I needed to vent.

Dude, thats not a vent. Thats pretty serious. Whether its the condition, the drugs or an excuse, you really need to do something about this. Make a confidential call to social services, get with other family members and talk to a doc, I hate to say call the cops, but you may want to call a non emergency number and ask to speak to someone in domestic violence and get some direction of what you can do before he ruins his life, or worse yet yours or your sisters or mothers.. Don't sit on this Do something before someone gets seriously hurt.

[rcarraher]

Originally Posted by curandero

Well, I can tell you for 100% certain that is not how it's done. I know for a fact that a call for domestic violence will result in someone going to jail even if there is no evidence what-so-ever. Make the call and someone is getting arrested. At least that's how it goes down in Broward County FL, but I was told it's a statewide policy. Thank OJ Simpson for that one.

Same in Oregon, even if only for the night. And verbal abuse is just about as bad, and can lead to a harrasment charge.

[brothernewt]

Call 911 while it's occurring. The calls are almost universally recorded and admissable evidence. It may not be the best witness... but it's better than waiting for a black eye.

[cassanova]

Originally Posted by curandero

Well, I can tell you for 100% certain that is not how it's done. I know for a fact that a call for domestic violence will result in someone going to jail even if there is no evidence what-so-ever. Make the call and someone is getting arrested. At least that's how it goes down in Broward County FL, but I was told it's a statewide policy. Thank OJ Simpson for that one.

We've had cops out here before for domestic violence and nobody was forced to leave the premises. This was post OJ too.

Originally Posted by rcarraher

Dude, thats not a vent. Thats pretty serious. Whether its the condition, the drugs or an excuse, you really need to do something about this. Make a confidential call to social services, get with other family members and talk to a doc, I hate to say call the cops, but you may want to call a non emergency number and ask to speak to someone in domestic violence and get some direction of what you can do before he ruins his life, or worse yet yours or your sisters or mothers.. Don't sit on this Do something before someone gets seriously hurt.

I'm staying with them for a while. My family is like old faithful, they will act up again and start a nasty argument. It's not a matter of if they do, its a matter of when they do. When they do, I'm just going to pick up the phone and call the police. But like I said, this has been done before to no avail. I've also sent emails to two of my professors. Both are psychologists that have worked in these areas before. I'm sure they'll have great advise as well. I'm also going to talk to my boss since we do a Batterers Intervention Program there. Its more or less people that are court ordered to attended for hitting their wife/gf, I'm not sure but they might even have threatened harm on them as well. I don't really counsel that area so I'm not very familiar with exactly what gets them there, other than someone being physical.

[WookieeForLife]

Dude you got a cell phone? How bout a web cam and a laptop? A digital camera with sound? All these things have potential to record video. Find a discreet way to candid the situation. A video is 1000x more powerful than a witness. Heck, it makes everyone who sees it a witness.

[hbarcat]

If you're going to spend your whole life making excuses for the violence of others then I suggest you learn self defense.

Specifically, I suggest you learn a grappling art like JUDO, so that when some **** **** decides to attack you, you will be able to take him down to the ground without hurting him and you will be able to walk away from the encounter without significant legal consequences.

Learn self defense. Now.

[Indiana Mike]

If its his legally prescribed drug aggravating this you need to call his doctor and demand a change or investigation into other meds. This will be a lot cheaper than calling the police as legal problems get costly .

catch 22???

I have a daughter that would get so violent due to drug abuse that I had to call the police on her three separate times . In the end getting her help worked wonders . We get along pretty good now. I finally have all the holes she punched in doors and walls fixed !

someone's gonna get hurt and he's gonna feel terrible when he "comes down"

This will destroy your family unless someone stops it now.

1-800-96ABUSE (962-2873)
Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-500-1119

[bassybill]

This sounds like a really serious situation by anybody's definition.

Get your family some help as soon as you can. I can't suggest anything other than what's already been offered, as I have no idea how your social services are administered where you are. But I do really hope you manage to make some positive progress with this, it's a terrible situation for anyone to be in.

[Gard]

John -

The law in FL is VERY EXPLICIT on this topic, if the police are called out on a domestic disturbance call, SOMEONE goes away in cuffs. If you local LE isn't doing this, they are not following the laws of the state, and you need to contact a supervisor or even a Chief or Sheriff to discuss the situation.

I'm very aware of the law, a good friend/bandmate of mine got into an argument with his wife, and the no-good rhymes with a witch used it to get him hauled off to the poky for 2 nights. The dude didn't raise his voice, much less a hand to her, not his M.O. (he's more a passive-aggressive type), but she slapped herself when the car pulled up, then pointed it out to the officer and said he hit her. Cuffs on, back of the cruiser, central lock-up. According to the lawyer we engaged to deal with this flustercluck, the physical contact was not even necessary, even the claim of a threat to do physical harm would have had the same outcome.

Thankfully for my buddy, his wife calmed down, and admitted to the DA that there was no altercation, and that she had fabricated it to get him in jail as "punishment for not agreeing with me". She's lucky SHE didn't end up in jail.

In your situation, find out WHY the Johnnies coming out on the call are letting it slide? Is your dad buddies with them? Something is going on, and it ain't kosher.

[cassanova]

Originally Posted by hbarcat

If you're going to spend your whole life making excuses for the violence of others then I suggest you learn self defense.

Specifically, I suggest you learn a grappling art like JUDO, so that when some **** **** decides to attack you, you will be able to take him down to the ground without hurting him and you will be able to walk away from the encounter without significant legal consequences.

Learn self defense. Now.

I'm already well schooled in self defense but thanks for the tip.

Originally Posted by Gard

John -

The law in FL is VERY EXPLICIT on this topic, if the police are called out on a domestic disturbance call, SOMEONE goes away in cuffs. If you local LE isn't doing this, they are not following the laws of the state, and you need to contact a supervisor or even a Chief or Sheriff to discuss the situation.

I'm very aware of the law, a good friend/bandmate of mine got into an argument with his wife, and the no-good rhymes with a witch used it to get him hauled off to the poky for 2 nights. The dude didn't raise his voice, much less a hand to her, not his M.O. (he's more a passive-aggressive type), but she slapped herself when the car pulled up, then pointed it out to the officer and said he hit her. Cuffs on, back of the cruiser, central lock-up. According to the lawyer we engaged to deal with this flustercluck, the physical contact was not even necessary, even the claim of a threat to do physical harm would have had the same outcome.

Thankfully for my buddy, his wife calmed down, and admitted to the DA that there was no altercation, and that she had fabricated it to get him in jail as "punishment for not agreeing with me". She's lucky SHE didn't end up in jail.

In your situation, find out WHY the Johnnies coming out on the call are letting it slide? Is your dad buddies with them? Something is going on, and it ain't kosher.

I cannot report squat if I don't see or hear squat. I never saw him take the swings or hear him threaten to stab anyone. That responsibility lies on my mom and sister when he did it. That being said, the next time he acts up like that, the police are going to be called with no questions asked.

I'm still researching and waiting to hear from a couple of lawyers, depending on what I learn, I will compose a letter to the Sheriff's department, county commissioners, and state legislature, about how the LE is snoozing on the job. I saw several videos on this type of stuff in my marriage & family, and social problems, courses. LE & the courts not doing what they're supposed to is more common than it should be when it come's to domestic violence.

Believe me when I say this. The crap he's pulling is going to stop.

[sonic assassin]

find a way to detain him.. call the police. have them either get him to the hospital to get his head checked out or get him to some sort of counselor. ive got rage issues, but id never hit a woman. ill say some wild **** to a lot of people, but id never hit a woman.

he slips into a seizure? ziptie his hands and feet together and call the police.

is he an epileptic or something? dilantin isnt tylenol or something.. if hes getting a chemical imbalance rage, then he needs to be properly medicated.

do so before someone really gets hurt. ive watched my parents fight for the past 10 years, and though its never gotten there, ive had to step between them a couple times because they were entirely too drunk to know what was going on. if you dont take action, its going to get worse.

[electracoyote]

Originally Posted by cassanova

Tried too seek help. According to police "No witnesses, no bruises, = no crime." This also leads me to believe he's using the spells as a guise because there is never anyone around when he's gotten physical.

Um, sorry, I'm a little skeptical. In this day and age of heightened awareness of domestic abuse, police are trained to make an arrest when the threat of violence is eminent. There doesn't have to be bruising, and verbal abuse can get you cuffed and stuffed. I think you're pulling our leg.

Someone had better call the cops next time he makes a threat or takes a swing.

[cassanova]

Originally Posted by electracoyote

Um, sorry, I'm a little skeptical. In this day and age of heightened awareness of domestic abuse, police are trained to make an arrest when the threat of violence is eminent. There doesn't have to be bruising, and verbal abuse can get you cuffed and stuffed. I think you're pulling our leg.

Someone had better call the cops next time he makes a threat or takes a swing.

Think what you want, but those that know me, know I have no reason to lie and am not a liar. Nor do I have anything to gain by "pulling your leg."

I know what I know about this crap from personal experiences. The man called the cops on me for pushing him out of a chair one time after he threatened me. The cops came, we each told them what happened and nobody was arrested. I know more than a few women that have called police on their husbands for threatening them and guess what? It was the same results, no arrests. Regardless of how aware they are in domestic violence the lack of arrests is not as uncommon as you think it is.