A warning to 17 year old girls, not all Vamps are "dreamy"

[burk48237]

Great bit of real life perspective for Twilight fans from the pages of Americas finest news source the Onion:

Woman Married To Fat, Emotionally Distant Vampire Escapes Into 'Twilight' Novels

Acknowledging years of marital dissatisfaction and a noticeable increase in her vampire husband's weight, 43-year-old Sara Pastor told reporters Thursday that she often seeks solace by losing herself in the escapist fantasy of the Twilight novels.

Sara's dream husband began spending more and more time secluded in darkened alcoves with his cape drawn over his face. Before long, Andrei—once a stealthy hunter who easily stalked young and healthy prey—started feeding excessively on any slow-moving person who happened to wander by the house, and soon ballooned to almost twice his normal weight.

"When we were first married, Andrei was so dark and mysterious," Pastor said wistfully. "These days, pretty much all he does is sit around swilling blood and watching ESPN."

Added Pastor, "Edward would never do that to Bella."

Not all Vampires can be like Edward!

http://www.theonion.com/content/news...ce=slate_rss_1

[Bryan R. Tyler]

I wish cheeseburgers would wander by my house.

[nutso42]

Bacon

[cheezewiz]

My favorite facebook group is called, "You're not a vampire, you're a sparkly douchebag in a tree"

[bassman03]

Is that the same one that says that what's his name cries glitter?

[7StringBassist]

I WAS going to get a warewolf Tattoo but I don't want to think something like warewolves could turn into teenage fantasy =X

[Bryan R. Tyler]

Originally Posted by 7StringBassist

I WAS going to get a warewolf Tattoo but I don't want to think something like warewolves could turn into teenage fantasy =X

Little late for that.

[7StringBassist]

haha well played

[your idol]

nothings scary about a pale english kid who looks like hes rolled around the floor of a strip club

[lycanbreed7]

Hay hay easy on the warewolfs.

[Ayliffe]

Originally Posted by lycanbreed7

Hay hay easy on the warewolfs.

at least spell it properly for god sakes lol.

its werewolves...

[your idol]

wherewolfs?

[Brad Johnson]

Originally Posted by Bryan R. Tyler

Little late for that.

Much later than you might think...



Michael Landon, "I Was a Teenage Werewolf". 1957

[7StringBassist]

I'm hoping they don't turn demons into something like twilight did to vampires

[Happynoj]

Originally Posted by cheezewiz

My favorite facebook group is called, "You're not a vampire, you're a sparkly douchebag in a tree"

My favourite...

"New Moon: The story of a girl's choice between beastiality and necrophilia."

[lycanbreed7]

Originally Posted by Ayliffe

at least spell it properly for god sakes lol.

its werewolves...

I did spell it that way when first typing it but "G.D." spell check on the computer said it was wrong. Re did it and it still said it wrong so I said screw it.

[BartmanPDX]

Originally Posted by cheezewiz

My favorite facebook group is called, "You're not a vampire, you're a sparkly douchebag in a tree"

I don't know anything about the Twilight crap, but this made me LOL. Nice one, cheeze!

[5StringBlues]

Originally Posted by your idol

wherewolfs?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQQtg...eature=related

[TortillaChip520]

[MakiSupaStar]

Originally Posted by Bryan R. Tyler

I wish cheeseburgers would wander by my house.

hahaha! I'm laughing not just because this is funny, but because I've had that actual thought many times.