What causes people to get divorced?

Armueller2001 · #1 07-27-2008, 04:06 AM

I always hear stories of people getting married 6 months after they met each other, and then they get divorced like 2 yrs later because they just didn't get along with each other... and then there's stories of people being married for 20 years and then filing papers. What do you think is the cause for a divorce?

Mark Latimour · #2 07-27-2008, 04:10 AM

I don't think there is one cause.

Son of Sanford · #3 07-27-2008, 05:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark Latimour

I don't think there is one cause.

+1

I know a couple who are in the middle of a brutal one. The husband picked up a heavy drug habit after 7-8 years. They tried to work it out but she eventually booted him when she found out he had liquidated every account they had. I wouldn't consider this a typical reason for divorce, though. I would have to agree with Mark, all the resons differ.

JimB52 · #4 07-27-2008, 06:07 AM

Usually because one spouse changes, or the other one doesn't.

Relic · #5 07-27-2008, 06:08 AM

That's a really broad question.
There are far too many reasons to list them all out, some quite valid - see armywalaby's cleverly worded post (now deleted) as a "for instance"

My ex had bipolar disorder which made it dangerous to even be home at times.
Then there's just plain ol' selfishness. We live in the me-me-me-/instant gratification/ego era and that plays a part I'm sure.

mike_v_s · #6 07-27-2008, 06:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

Might want to read the Terms of Service.

I'm not sure the marriage license covers that.

Mike

René_Julien · #7 07-27-2008, 06:28 AM

Marriage.

Relic · #8 07-27-2008, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mike_v_s

I'm not sure the marriage license covers that.

Mike

terms of service? Mine did according to my ex:
I must service the car, service the kitchen, service the washer and dryer, be a personal man-servant to her, serve her breakfast in bed, serve as whipping boy for whenever she was PMS-ing...
we divorced..now it just serves her right

FL Knifemaker · #9 07-27-2008, 06:50 AM

Never marry your test wife and you'll be just fine

CallieBum73 · #10 07-27-2008, 07:42 AM

My husband and I have been married for 10 years . We have seperated twice during that time. I dont think that people really take enough time to get to know one another before jumping into marriage. We dated for 3 years before we got married. We had a great time and were ultimate party buddies. Then real life hit us after marriage, work, bills, kids. We had very differnet opinions on about everything. Then it began to feel like we were relatives. We hardly saw each other due to work schedules, our biggest conversations were about what bills were due. Sex...what was that? We are back together again, and making a real effort to treat each other like we were still dating. Marriage is hard...and some people just get tired

thumpbass1 · #11 07-27-2008, 08:00 AM

I've been married for almost 25 years and all I can say is that every marriage is a union between two imperfect people who have to work hard at the relationship if they want the relationship to survive. Romance and naturally infatuated hormonal horniness may be the happy glue of new relationships but it's not enough to sustain any long term relationship. That's when words like commitment and compromise have to take on actual meaning. I'm far from perfect but I married an amazing, yet equally imperfect woman and in spite of all the craziness at times we've made it so far. In fact I wonder how we've managed to stay married this long because we have had our moments. Marriage takes work and a love for that other person that gets outside of your own inate selfishness.
Not easy for anyone imho. I hope we can make it for another 25 years.

Mark Latimour · #12 07-27-2008, 08:06 AM

I have seen people argue whether long periods of monogamy are actually not in line with our natural instincts.

flipper_gv · #13 07-27-2008, 08:22 AM

Often, people just get married way too fast. They usually don't take the time necessary (at least 5 years together before) before they do this.

spade2you · #14 07-27-2008, 08:38 AM

Several reasons.

1. Pop culture sees marriage as more of a trend than a commitment. Getting married is simply something that needs to be checked off a checklist.

2. People get married before they or their spouse knows themselves yet. Getting married at age 21-22 may seem trendy n' cute, but nobody is the same person after graduation and spending a few years working for a living.

3. Some people have personality problems. Arguing and winning is too important for some. Sometimes that victory they're after means winning the battle, but losing the war.....and they can't resist it.

eedre · #15 07-27-2008, 08:48 AM

Usually affairs or money disagreements.

KsToaDangr · #16 07-27-2008, 09:03 AM

I'm currently going through a divorce. We knew each other for about 2 years before we got married, and dated/lived together for about a year. Just about 3 years after we got married, I found out that she was leaving our (1 & a half at the time) son alone in the apartment at night while I was working to go over to a neighbor's place and drink and smoke weed. The same day that I found that out, she admitted to me that she "doesn't feel like he's my son", and that she had hit him because he wouldn't stop crying on more than one occasion. As soon as she said that, I called a friend of mine who owns a pickup truck, and loaded all of mine and his stuff up, and we left.

steve66 · #17 07-27-2008, 09:13 AM

Most divorces are over money and infidelity.

René_Julien · #18 07-27-2008, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KsToaDangr

I'm currently going through a divorce. We knew each other for about 2 years before we got married, and dated/lived together for about a year. Just about 3 years after we got married, I found out that she was leaving our (1 & a half at the time) son alone in the apartment at night while I was working to go over to a neighbor's place and drink and smoke weed. The same day that I found that out, she admitted to me that she "doesn't feel like he's my son", and that she had hit him because he wouldn't stop crying on more than one occasion. As soon as she said that, I called a friend of mine who owns a pickup truck, and loaded all of mine and his stuff up, and we left.

Good man.

Jee... that is a twisted story.

I'm confused, you mean she said she didn't feel like it was her son or yours? I'm guessing hers. But I never heard a mother said that.
I would leave to with my kid.

Best wishes... your situation worked out I hope.
Your son is taken care of now?

KsToaDangr · #19 07-27-2008, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C'thulhu

Good man.

Jee... that is a twisted story.

I'm confused, you mean she said she didn't feel like it was her son or yours? I'm guessing hers. But I never heard a mother said that.
I would leave to with my kid.

Best wishes... your situation worked out I hope.
Your son is taken care of now?

Yeah, she meant that she didn't feel like he was her child. I've been doing the whole single parent thing since February...sometimes it's a little frustrating, but I'd rather be a little frustrated than have my son hurt. I don't want to go into too many specifics about other stuff I've found out she was doing, because a lot of people would say stuff like "well, that's not that bad", but trust me, she should not be around children.

My boss has actually been really cool about helping me out, and so has my family. My boss worked out a schedule with me so that the only 2 days a week I have to work are Saturday and Sunday, and my mom decided that she wasn't seeing him enough, so she takes care of him while I'm at work. If she can't do it, my brother and/or his fiance are always willing to watch him for me. My divorce will be final in February, only because SC law says you have to have 1 year of seperation before divorcing.

René_Julien · #20 07-27-2008, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KsToaDangr

Yeah, she meant that she didn't feel like he was her child. I've been doing the whole single parent thing since February...sometimes it's a little frustrating, but I'd rather be a little frustrated than have my son hurt. I don't want to go into too many specifics about other stuff I've found out she was doing, because a lot of people would say stuff like "well, that's not that bad", but trust me, she should not be around children.

My boss has actually been really cool about helping me out, and so has my family. My boss worked out a schedule with me so that the only 2 days a week I have to work are Saturday and Sunday, and my mom decided that she wasn't seeing him enough, so she takes care of him while I'm at work. If she can't do it, my brother and/or his fiance are always willing to watch him for me. My divorce will be final in February, only because SC law says you have to have 1 year of seperation before divorcing.

Good to hear it's working out for you. Good luck.
And be thankful for your boss and family.