What really is marriage?

[Quickie]

I don't want this to get political. I just would like peoples experiences and opinions on it.

My situation is; I have been with the same woman over 27 years and we would have celebrated out 21st wedding anniversary this past February. But we have been divorced over 2 years now. We are still together and enjoying each other, in many ways even better than before. We don't have tax breaks and realize that a serious hospitalization could possibly keep us from being "allowed" to see each other in as we are not family.

My question is, why is the piece of paper so important to some (many) as we are honestly, more happy now without it?

[Kwesi]

I don't think it's the paper, I think it's the ceremony itself and what it represents. That said, I wonder the same thing.

[jp58]

Eating chocolate ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

[jmattbassplaya]

I think it's what it represents to people that makes it 'important'. Honestly, the older I get the less likely I see myself getting married.

[sandmangeck]

Marriage is something my lady and I will do once the tax benefits of being a "single" parent are less then a married one!

[guitar ed]

For me, being "married" is more about the public declaration of our intent. Of course there is more to it than that, but that's where it starts for me.

edg

[Quickie]

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

I think it's what it represents to people that makes it 'important'. Honestly, the older I get the less likely I see myself getting married.

Whatever works for you.

[GregC]

It's all right here: Peter Cook - The Princess Bride - YouTube

[Ben Lesser]

Originally Posted by GregC

It's all right here: Peter Cook - The Princess Bride - YouTube

Wove. Twue wove.

[oniman7]

I've not had to ever worry about this, but couldn't you go to the local courthouse or some such to get legally married to enjoy the tax breaks and other things like that? My parents never had a ceremony, just got the papers signed and have been married for 19 years this October

[hrodbert696]

In legal terms, marriage ain't what it used to be. Adultery used to be a crime with pretty intimidating penalties. In agricultural economies, where inherited land ownership made or broke your livelihood, the difference between the legitimate and illegitimate offspring was the difference between wealth and being destitute. Divorce was difficult and created problems far beyond what we're used to today. Sex was a "debt" that both partners owed to each other and you could go to court for being deprived of it by your spouse. The tax breaks and hospital visitations that still linger as legal privileges of marriage are a vague shadow of what it used to mean.

That's why, even though I'm conservative and a Christian, I mostly just laugh at the whole gay marriage debate. The dogs are barking over a pretty gnawed-over bone that hasn't had any real meat in it for a long time.

Personally and spiritually, though, I think marriage is huge. The core of marriage is making a vow - a solemn promise to dedicate yourself to the other person, come what may, till death do you part. Rings and ceremonies and licenses aren't what make a marriage, it's the vow that makes the marriage. You don't get married to get a tax break (at least, I didn't), you get married because making the vow to someone, and them making it to you, makes you one flesh. As far as I'm concerned, without a vow, all you have are roommates with benefits, no matter how gushy your emotions may be about it at any given moment.

When people fuss about how a "piece of paper" is irrelevant to their feelings etc etc what I really hear is that they're scared to make that solemn vow to the other person. And the refusal to make that vow DOES say something about how deep their commitment really runs.

[Rob22315]

Mostly, it's a public manifestation of commitment. I suppose it's not necessary in our society for the purpose of legally binding two people. Men and women have mostly equal opportunities to make a living in America. I believe the commitment is necessary to provide a safe and secure environment for raising kids and the legal baggage that comes along with it helps to ensure the couple will make every effort to work through the challenges that always come along with.

In societies where women have fewer rights and opportunities, it's a necessary social construct to help prevent them from being turned out onto the streets. Unfortunately, it seems even American society is moving away from being commitment-driven - divorce is still common place, corporations raid pension funds for survival leaving past employees to fend for themselves, and frequent job changes are the norm. I'm not sure how we'll survive in the long run with so much change as an underpinning to basic survival. The next 10 years will be interesting to say the least.

[fhm555]

It's a personal commitment requiring constant work and cooperation to live up to.

All the rest is window dressing to mollify society and government.

[Strohsx]

My wife and I view it as a business contract and something we felt we needed to do as a social commitment also.

[MakiSupaStar]

In my opinion it's more about creating a stable environment for kids. Everyone has small details that individualize marriage, but the only real necessity is that a child being raised in this country (for better or worse) is going to perceive outside media and influence that push this concept of a set of parents committed to each other and dedicated to providing for the child. We're slowly moving away from this concept, with gay parents, single parents etc. In fact, I heard on NPR that a recent study showed that between a child raised with divorced parents and a child raised with parents that are together but unmarried, the child with unmarried parents fairs worse. Now of course this would depend on the child, the situation, the parents, and all the mitigating variables involved, but I found that pretty surprising. But for me, the marriage is a vow, a contract, and all that, but it doesn't become binding until you bring a little life into it. For me without that, it's just a step couples decide to take to prove their love to each other, that can easily be reversed. Personally, the only thing that motivates me to keep my marriage together is my son. I would have been long gone a long time ago if wasn't for him.

As a male, you're at a huge legal and financial disadvantage getting married. I wouldn't recommend doing it, if you don't want kids.

With that all said here's the male version of the fairy tale:

A Male Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "NO !!!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big titted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and banged cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end

[NateS]

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

In my opinion it's more about creating a stable environment for kids. Everyone has small details that individualize marriage, but the only real necessity is that a child being raised in this country (for better or worse) is going to perceive outside media and influence that push this concept of a set of parents committed to each other and dedicated to providing for the child. We're slowly moving away from this concept, with gay parents, single parents etc. In fact, I heard on NPR that a recent study showed that between a child raised with divorced parents and a child raised with parents that are together but unmarried, the child with unmarried parents fairs worse. Now of course this would depend on the child, the situation, the parents, and all the mitigating variables involved, but I found that pretty surprising. But for me, the marriage is a vow, a contract, and all that, but it doesn't become binding until you bring a little life into it. For me without that, it's just a step couples decide to take to prove their love to each other, that can easily be reversed. Personally, the only thing that motivates me to keep my marriage together is my son. I would have been long gone a long time ago if wasn't for him.

As a male, you're at a huge legal and financial disadvantage getting married. I wouldn't recommend doing it, if you don't want kids.

With that all said here's the male version of the fairy tale:

A Male Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "NO !!!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big titted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and banged cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end

Epic post status, as usual

[Jay Ralston]

If you would like, I can answer your question through a pm. I subscribe to why we need to marry for Biblical reasons so in order for me to explain that properly, I would have to quote from the Bible.

[Tituscrow]

Oh please please please post your response anyway, even if it causes a lockdown

[stratovani]

Originally Posted by hrodbert696

In legal terms, marriage ain't what it used to be. Adultery used to be a crime with pretty intimidating penalties. In agricultural economies, where inherited land ownership made or broke your livelihood, the difference between the legitimate and illegitimate offspring was the difference between wealth and being destitute. Divorce was difficult and created problems far beyond what we're used to today. Sex was a "debt" that both partners owed to each other and you could go to court for being deprived of it by your spouse. The tax breaks and hospital visitations that still linger as legal privileges of marriage are a vague shadow of what it used to mean.

That's why, even though I'm conservative and a Christian, I mostly just laugh at the whole gay marriage debate. The dogs are barking over a pretty gnawed-over bone that hasn't had any real meat in it for a long time.

Personally and spiritually, though, I think marriage is huge. The core of marriage is making a vow - a solemn promise to dedicate yourself to the other person, come what may, till death do you part. Rings and ceremonies and licenses aren't what make a marriage, it's the vow that makes the marriage. You don't get married to get a tax break (at least, I didn't), you get married because making the vow to someone, and them making it to you, makes you one flesh. As far as I'm concerned, without a vow, all you have are roommates with benefits, no matter how gushy your emotions may be about it at any given moment.

When people fuss about how a "piece of paper" is irrelevant to their feelings etc etc what I really hear is that they're scared to make that solemn vow to the other person. And the refusal to make that vow DOES say something about how deep their commitment really runs.

Other than the fact that I'm a liberal and a retired Christian, I agree with this.

[RosieB]

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

A Male Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "NO !!!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big titted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and banged cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end

Oh, you forgot the part about putting the toilet paper roll on backwards - if at all. Again! (nag, nag :-))