What's Wrong with Me? (Relationship Content)

Livewire · #1 08-30-2011, 04:01 PM

Hey guys, I've had this on my mind for the past week and I really don't know where to go for advice... Just some background info, I'm 24, and the last serious relationship I was in was when I was 18. Teenage insecurity and long distance plagued that romance. But I'm grown up now, and I'm now the most confident I've ever been...

So I recently started dating this girl who I've known since high school, we also went to the same college and always remained friends. I've had a crush on her since high school but never made a move because I was such an insecure douche. In college I chased and chased her but we never could make time to see where things would go. I asked her out after not seeing her for over a year and she finally accepted, and we had an awesome time! Since our first date a month ago, we've dated steady and made it official a few weeks back. Just recently, I've had such mixed, confused, and scared feelings about her... I don't know if I'm feeling this way because this is my first serious relationship in a long time or something else... The girl is awesome, she so much fun to be around, amazing personality, she's great with my friends and family. I just don't know what's eating me up inside. We both do our own thing, so we don't spend every waking moment together, we're both independent, and I love that. I care about her(emo), and there's so many things I want to do with her. She told me recently she usually doesn't have this good luck with guys, and the way she looks at me, I can tell in her eyes she really digs me... I just don't know why I have this nervous, sick, uncertain feelin in my stomach... And it's obviously bothering me a lot to post it here...

I know I know tldr, but I guess I just had to get this off my chest with some fellow bassists... Any advice or experience in this situation?

Thanks
-Joe

MatticusMania · #2 08-30-2011, 04:14 PM

So you dont know why youre getting this feeling? When is it that this feeling occurs, and could you or would you describe said feeling as "butterflies in the stomach"?

Either way, my best advice at this point is to ignore that feeling, whatever it may be, and continue to date this girl until you see reason not to.

Jools4001 · #3 08-30-2011, 04:15 PM

Relax, enjoy..take each day as it comes.

MJ5150 · #4 08-30-2011, 04:16 PM

You're having flashbacks to your teenage dorkiness. So you can ignore it, or let it eat you up so bad that it destroys this relationship.

-Mike

Jared Lash · #5 08-30-2011, 04:19 PM

I'm not a psychiatrist but I'll play one on the internet.

My guess would be that you've obviously had a thing for this girl for a long time and are now really enjoying the initial stages of dating her so you're likely afraid at some point the bottom is going to drop out.

You have an image of her and you're afraid something will happen to change it. Just to remove the suspense - something will. Your image of her is not reality. Not entirely.

And that's not a bad thing, it just is what it is. Enjoy learning about her. Some things about her will surprise you. Sometimes she won't meet your expecations and sometimes she will. Jools has it exactly right. Relax and enjoy each day.

**colcifer** · #6 08-30-2011, 04:40 PM

Let's start at the beginning; tell us about your mother.

redmagictones · #7 08-30-2011, 04:49 PM

I would go with the flow for now. Because it could be that you havent been in a serious relationship in a while and those kind of feelings are new again.

But always be alert, because a gut feeling could get you out of a sticky situation down the road.

MJ5150 · #8 08-30-2011, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redmagictones

I would go with the flow for now.

Queens Of The Stone Age - Go With The Flow - YouTube

-Mike

redmagictones · #9 08-30-2011, 04:56 PM

MJ5150, After I typed that post and read it again thats exactly what started playing in my head haha.

Pilgrim · #10 08-30-2011, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MatticusMania

...my best advice at this point is to ignore that feeling, whatever it may be, and continue to date this girl until you see reason not to.

That's good advice. Value the relationship for what it is, and don't spend your time second-guessing it. If it works, it works; if not, not.

Give it time. My wife and I dated for four years before we married.

MatticusMania · #11 08-30-2011, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pilgrim

That's good advice. Value the relationship for what it is, and don't spend your time second-guessing it. If it works, it works; if not, not.

Give it time. My wife and I dated for four years before we married.

I gave the same advice to a friend who was getting similar feelings brought about by the girl he was dating. He had been in a long relationship with a girl who didnt treat him very well (as had I). He recently started dating a girl and was getting similar feelings like the OP is. It seemed to me he was questioning the relationship too much, and took very little things into wide consideration, reading too much into the situation. I told him that from dating his ex, he has a new perspective on what he doesnt want in a relationship, and that if he saw any big red flags, he was free to cut & run, but for now, take it as it comes. For what its worth, theyre still together, and he has seemingly gotten over a lot of his doubts.

hover · #12 08-30-2011, 05:04 PM

I would second all advice that states to let it grow naturally and run whatever course it takes, but would also suggest that you having these feelings points to being not as confident or grown up as you may think.

Good luck with this new relationship.

Jim Nazium · #13 08-30-2011, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by colcifer

Let's start at the beginning; tell us about your mother.

And post pics.

basstotheface · #14 08-30-2011, 06:39 PM

You need to stop talking to her and completely ignore anything she does. Then you will have her undying love and devotion, for life.

**pacojas** · #15 08-30-2011, 06:44 PM

i know this feeling all to well..

she did something in bed that has you wondering,...

does she do that with ALL the boys????

fenderhutz · #16 08-30-2011, 07:05 PM

Had the same feeling with my wife the first two months. Things were going too well and after being single what seemed like forever it seemed too perfect.

I have a hard time committing to dinner so the idea of things going that well and getting attached actually BOTHERED me to the point I almost walked away.

We have been together 12 years now.

Go with it. This will probably be very rewarding for you both.

RosieB · #17 08-30-2011, 07:06 PM

I'm glad guys have this happen too.

Listen to the advice your getting here. It's (mostly) good!

Livewire · #18 08-30-2011, 08:12 PM

I think I'm just nervous, and scared. I don't want to tell her any of this because I don't want to worry her or make her feel insecure... Sometime's I'm my own worse enemy.

Thanks for all the advice and comedic relief

MakiSupaStar · #19 08-30-2011, 08:28 PM

Whatever you do, don't start asking her who she was with, and what she was doing, and getting all jealous and possessive. Relax. Love her. Treat her right, and continuously try to win her over even if you already have.

Or start tapping all her friends.

Muaguana · #20 08-30-2011, 08:42 PM

Lots of good advice, here. I've experienced this, myself, and I think it's due to subconscious insecurities and, as another poster said, feelings of dread that the good times won't last. It's hard to ignore these feelings, but that's really the only way to get past them. Focus on the now, on the good that's coming from this relationship, and don't pay attention to the feeling of uncertainty. Nothing is certain; so stop worrying about it and move on.

Hope that helps.