Work Christmas Parties 2010: The nightmare continues

[mike_v_s]

This is the 4th installment of my annual Work Christmas Parties threads. For the uninitiated: I hate them with the burning intensity of two suns. After holding ours at the same lame location for three years in a row, it was announced that they would be searching for a new venue. Wait. What? This was a shocking development. Unheard of, actually. This revelation called into question everything I thought I knew about the universe. I called my wife to tell her I loved her and then scanned the horizon, waiting to see the four horsemen of the apocalypse bringing an end to this world. To my great surprise, they never came. No planes fell out of the sky, no walking dead, no Y2K-like collapse of society. Nothing.

I closed the blinds and turned to the coworker who delivered the news and asked “are you sure?”. He said “Yes. We’re considering one of the riverboats.”. Ah. THAT explains it. The four horsemen didn’t show because they can’t compete with the anguish of corralling your employees on a boat floating in the middle of a river with a known under current and a little old lady banging out Christmas music on a pipe organ that can be heard from over ½ mile away. Your choices are to either face people you hate with a smile while an unholy instrument causes internal bleeding or drown. The horsemen can only sit back and admire the predicament, so much so that War, Famine and Death openly discussed trading in Pestilence for Work Christmas Party when he was in Haiti.

Apparently my employer got wind of this and, concerned that an ousted Pestilence would somehow cut into his profit margin, moved the party to a bar/restaurant in the French Quarter. In print, that looks awesome. Details, people. Details.

First, as usual, our work Christmas Party is officially titled the End of Year Party because our Administrative Assistant refuses to attend anything related to Christmas. Already, this is stupid.

Second, every year said Assistant tries to “liven” up the party by insisting that we participate in some sort of activity. This year we’ve been asked/told to submit a picture of us as a baby/toddler so the group can play “Name That Employee”. I’ve already secured a picture of someone else that will be submitted as me.

Lastly (and the best part): after moving our End of the Year Party to a venue that people thought might not be a bad idea and would facilitate some after party revelry, they scheduled the gathering for a Monday afternoon. YEEEEHAW!! Fans of my previous threads will recall that I don’t think the late night throw down of alcohol with coworkers ends well, but damn.

…and finally: I truly detest some of my coworkers. I can work around a personality conflict. People don’t always get along. No biggie. I can’t forgive people who put more work into avoiding work than they do contributing to the company effort. When your sloppiness and conscious inattention to detail end up causing me more work, you deserve a trip to the unemployment line and about 15 minutes to explain to your kids why they now qualify for the free lunch program at school. Three of these individuals have logged about 4 years of sloth and I’m one beer away from being openly hostile. Lucky for them, this year’s End of the Year Party will provide both the venue and impetus. Happy End of the Year.

Mike

[Tsal]

I thought the day after Xmas party is a sanctioned day to stay off work? It is around here, at least - no-one in their good mind would consider an Xmas party where you aren't supposed to drink

[Relic]

I HATE Christmas parties with unbridled passion. My wife loves 'em. ANy guesses at where we're going tonite?
God help me...

[NateS]

My company's Christmas party is on January 2nd. Like that makes sense...

[Wyrm74]

Mine is tonight...and my band is the entertainment.

[nazroth]

Be sure to shake your junk at the boss ^^^

[MJ5150]

While your writing skills are sometimes impressive, this one is a bit overboard.

-Mike

[mike_v_s]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

While your writing skills are sometimes impressive, this one is a bit overboard.

-Mike

a) thanks (for the first part) and b) overboard as in how? I'm not looking to challenge the opinion, just curious. I'd like to offer up "out of practice" as an excuse.

Mike

[SoonerMatt]

Dodged the bullet this year. The biology department's Christmas party is on the 18th and I will already be in Houston. This is good because (A) the biology department as a whole sees me as a "traitor" for jumping ship to business when I'm done here, (B) all the other grad students are really lame (seriously, they never go out during the semester and last year they just stood there and didn't talk to anyone), and (C) the department head is a jerk and not pleasant to be around.

[username n/a]

This looks like a nice, well organised post, however I will be forced to ignore it as somebody lacks an avatar...

[stevetx19]

[Relic]

just got back. Am drunk. Danced a lot. Including breakdanacing to dinner jazz. bet you didnt think that it could be done? It cant, but it can be attempted. Wife still mad. It's bedtime. g'nite

[GregC]

Originally Posted by Relic

just got back. Am drunk. Danced a lot. Including breakdanacing to dinner jazz. bet you didnt think that it could be done? It cant, but it can be attempted. Wife still mad. It's bedtime. g'nite

We need pics!

[MakiSupaStar]

Originally Posted by Relic

just got back. Am drunk. Danced a lot. Including breakdanacing to dinner jazz. bet you didnt think that it could be done? It cant, but it can be attempted. Wife still mad. It's bedtime. g'nite

I've been there many many times before. My wife is akin to one of those amazing service dogs that can detect when I'm heading down a path that's going to embarrass her, myself, and everyone else around me. She knows before I even know. She's gotten so good at it that she's usually got the car running with the passenger door unlocked ready to evacuate me from the scene that I'm now running from like the guy that tosses a grenade into a crowded room and then shuts the door. By the time I realize it's become THAT kind of night she's gone and I know that she'll be there when the time comes. It almost ALWAYS involves breakdancing by the way. The worm to be exact.

[MJ5150]

Originally Posted by mike_v_s

a) thanks (for the first part) and b) overboard as in how? I'm not looking to challenge the opinion, just curious. I'd like to offer up "out of practice" as an excuse.

Mike

The opening and Four Horseman references were over the top. Too much drama in my opinion. I accept your excuse, and agree with it.

-Mike

[Atoz]

We're forbidden from having Christmas parties where I work, so I don't have to deal with the misery.

[bassybill]

mike, where you been? We've missed you. Always extra work for moderators when one of us is off duty.

I'm totally in agreement about the Christmas party issue. There seems to be an assumption in some organisations that a work team's effectiveness wil be enhanced if they're somehow forced to get together in a social scenario. Why has nobody realised that this is more often counter-productive than it is productive? I've got people at my workplace that I'm entirely happy to get along with as colleagues during work time, but if I was forced to mix with them on my own clock I'd probably want to knock them unconscious.

[albertofrog]

My works christmas dinner is going to be held in the staff canteen, over 3 days (there's about 1000 staff), and its usually a pretty lame affair.

However, the musicians amongst us tend to get press ganged into playing carols.

Now I cant stand playing Xmas carols anytime, but 3 days on the trot is a bit much.

The only upside is I'll be getting paid for it, and i can avoid having to socilaise with my co-workers..

We were talking about dropping a few funky numbers in between the carols to keep ourselves entertained..

[Jim Nazium]

My new policy is this: when I get a new job, I go to the holiday party the first year. After that... sorry, I have family coming to town that night, I have a gig, my cat needs to go to the vet, my car won't start, the power is out in my neighborhood, and I think I have the flu.

Even if I really like my coworkers, I see them all day every day. What could we possibly have to talk about that we haven't already?

[iamlowsound]

I am currently unemployed, which means no Christmas party!

lowsound