Would you go out with someone who wasn't into music?

[f'nar f'nar]

It's a tough question and one I have faced a few times. The few times I have had to make a choice I have chosen to give it a shot, however all of those relationships ended because of this difference.

Would I do it again? Probably, you never know. But it seems that for passionate musicians the field of partners is significantly narrowed, for me this is probably because of the depth to which my passion for music has reached, I'm sure it can be a little full on at times.

So what about you guys? Is it a prerequisite that your partner is into music (if only to an extent) or are you capable of working through such things?

I'm very curious, not because I have anyone 'on the go' currently, but because it's an interesting thing I have noticed about my relationships in the past.

[A-Step-Towards]

Its a big plus if there into the same bands but honestly most people i have dated did not like my style of music so it was almost if they werent into music because we did not listen to the same stuff.

[phatbass]

I actually prefer if someone has divergent interests. I'm one of those people who doesn't need to be with their partner/girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and have them totally immersed in everything I do and vice versa.

My last "serious" relationship was with a woman who didn't really like much of the stuff I was into, and I felt the same about her taste in music. Still lasted 13 years together.

[TOOL460002]

long term itd be hard to keep things happy with how much i sit around playing (especially while watching tv, which is apparently extremely annoying if you arent the me playing). i like going to concerts as well, so there would be major compatibility issues there too.

ive never been with anyone who simply didnt listen to music, or wasnt into live shows, but ive also never found anyone who also plays (preferably an instrument that isnt the bass to collaborate). im still looking, but im not looking to be that guy that sells his gear and majorly cuts down playing time to be with someone or settle down. **** that. theres seven billion people out there. why settle?

[Bongolation]

Sure.

I'm a (mainly retired) music pro not a music fan.

I've posted about this before. Many, many career music pros I've known in my life never listened to music except for professional purposes. When they retired some went back to playing (usually classical) as a hobby.

I don't see or experience music the same way a music fan does. It means entirely different things to me than it does to a music fan. It's the product whose business I was in. It was the product I analyzed, developed, marketed and sold to the country as a broadcast format developer and playlister. My own music was (and remains) a product I developed and packaged when I was a performer. It's business, not pleasure.

I think it would be incredibly irritating to me to have some chick around who was always gushing about how "awesome" some silly band was, and having to listen to it blare in my own home.

[Let It Fall]

Music would have nothing to do with our relationship. Ok If she was into death metal or alot of rap I'd be concerned but otherwise no. I'd rather her do her thing and I do mine.

[Number27]

i think i would. so long as they're not against music, or into stupid music (aka hip pop), i'd have no problem. of course if i'd prefer someone who shares my musical tastes, but it's not the biggest priority. hell, my best friend isn't into music at all and we get along great so..

[Holy War]

Originally Posted by Bongolation

Sure.

I'm a (mainly retired) music pro not a music fan.

I've posted about this before. Many, many career music pros I've known in my life never listened to music except for professional purposes. When they retired some went back to playing (usually classical) as a hobby.

I don't see or experience music the same way a music fan does. It means entirely different things to me than it does to a music fan. It's the product whose business I was in. It was the product I analyzed, developed, marketed and sold to the country as a broadcast format developer and playlister. My own music was (and remains) a product I developed and packaged when I was a performer. It's business, not pleasure.

I think it would be incredibly irritating to me to have some chick around who was always gushing about how "awesome" some silly band was, and having to listen to it blare in my own home.

Sounds like youve had a depressing life

[basste]

My partner likes to listen to music, but we have not really same tastes, even if we have some common stuff we like.

It's not easy to find the life balance every day, but if i downed a bit my practising time, she comes with me to concerts. She learned to appreciate music i played with the ex band, little by little. Hope it will be the same with the upcoming band.

But having someone which is not in music is very good because that brings you to do other things than music, have other interests, and finally enlight your music with life experience, other than practising, practising, practising music all time.

[hover]

Originally Posted by Holy War

Sounds like youve had a depressing life

"It's business, not pleasure"

to this part, I totally agree.

As for me, not liking music at all I find a bit odd, so I guess my jubilance over a new band or whatever falling on deaf ears or indifference could be off-putting relationship-wise... thankfully my Wife likes music just not always "my music", and that's fine, unless we're takin a long road trip, haha. When it comes to the performance side of it... I mean if I need to practice, I go into my den and I close the door and I practice...She's not involved in that, nor does she need to be. But she takes an interest, and is supportive and understanding, and to me, that is all I need. I ride the fence between avid listener and player, and it's a fine balance. But if we're talking a complete dismissal of music, yeh, that's kinda not cool to me.

[Bruce Lindfield]

I just think I would find somebody who wasn't into music at all... as just too weird to even be a friend!!

I think music is so important that I can't imagine a well-rounded human being who wasn't into music - even the deaf people I have known, liked music and dancing..?

My partner is into different music to me - but she loves music as such and played guitar in bands!


PS - Mods - shouldn't this be in Misc. as it is music-related?

[Bongolation]

Originally Posted by hover

"It's business, not pleasure"

to this part, I totally agree.

As for me, not liking music at all I find a bit odd,

It's not that I don't "like" it, it just means something different to me than it does to a music fan.

Someone asked me a question about something a while back and my answer was, "listen to music as education, not recreation."

If you do that the whole world changes.

One of the things I noticed different about music pros listening to music was that fans listen to "get into" the music and have some emotional experience with it, but the pros listen to understand the music -- on many different levels. You listen with your head, not your butt. That makes you a lot more open-minded between genres and less suckered by the corporate packaging of the band (though that's another valid issue in itself), etc., etc. More objective, less subjective, no personal involvement.

One of the BIG problems I've always had with small-time musicians and wannabees (including hundreds on TB over the years) is that for most of them, playing was just an extension of their fandom, and they never get past thinking of music like a fan does, which cripples not only any career hopes they have, but also cripples those of any more serious person stuck with working with them.

Music is not something I can listen to casually. I have to pay attention to it or I want it turned off. Listening to music can be very rewarding, but for me it will always be work, not play.

So...I don't want to deal with some chick's music fandom. If she could articulate why she found certain music moving or interesting that would be fine and I be curious to understand it, but I don't want to have to listen to it all day.

That make more sense?

[hover]

Bongo, that last line you quoted wasn't directed at you, but an "in general". But I appreciate your thoughts.

[Mark Wilson]

My ADD has hit me like a ton of bricks.
so, i didn't read the OP.

but yea, i'd date a girl who wasn't into music.
Differences are good. as long as she's not ignorant.

[Bongolation]

Originally Posted by Bruce Lindfield

PS - Mods - shouldn't this be in Misc. as it is music-related?

If you think so, click the "Report Post" icon and ask. That's what it's for. Don't do it here.

But...this thread's about relaaaaationships, maaaaaan!

[Bongolation]

Originally Posted by Mark Wilson

Differences are good. as long as she's not ignorant.

Well, good luck on that one!

[Mark Wilson]

Originally Posted by Bongolation

Well, good luck on that one!

lmfao.

[MakiSupaStar]

Meh, as long as she's hot, great in the sack, and has a fair level of intelligence, I really don't care. My wife really digs reggae, as do I, so that's cool. She doesn't really dig some of my weirder tastes, and I'm fine with that. She makes up for that by being a sexy asian chick that can cook like a mofo.

[electracoyote]

Originally Posted by f'nar f'nar

So what about you guys? Is it a prerequisite that your partner is into music (if only to an extent) or are you capable of working through such things?

I would never ever consider going on a second date or anything longterm with a girl who didn't at least like and appreciate music, and I would prefer one who was fairly open-minded about genres.

Relationships are tough. You have to have a few big important things in common, not everything, but a few. And music is definitely one in my book.

It's really easy to imagine a scenario when that would come between two people. She's mad because you like music so much and invest so much of yourself in the pursuit of music-related pleasures, then you're mad because she's an ignoramus.

Game over. Don't even go there.

[James_B]

It's not really if they are into music, it's if the person is capable of feeling or understanding the level of passion you have for your music. If the partner is but her/his passion is directed to something like horses, painting, cars or like zoo animals . Then I can't see why it would matter if I liked John Denver and she liked All American Rejects.

In order to connect with someone you have to share some type of common ground. The specifics aren't always a necessity.

For at least people who aren't codependent. Codependent people just take whatever as long as they are babied.