Would you rather be Scraping the Bottom of a Barrel or...?

[Bruce Lindfield]

OK - so here is a small selection of recent threads started by ...guess who ...??


Would you rather be beaten with a wood beam or a lead pipe ?
Were you crankier in youth or now ?
Eat any good fruit lately ?
What do you find offensive?
Ever get stabbed with a pencil ?
Would you kill the killer of your pet ?
What looks better with a balding head , a beard or clean shaven ?
What are your thoughts on the TV Show Reno 911 ?
Guys would you perform wearing a dress ?
If you were to write a book about about www.talkbass.com what would you title it ?

So from the above - what has MM been up to lately.... ?

Tell us the story of his life according to TB!!

[Mark Latimour]

Originally Posted by Lindquist

Would you rather be Scraping the Bottom of a Barrell or...?

Doesn't "barrel" on have one "l"?

[Bruce Lindfield]

Picking on typos is really scraping the bottom - especially when I had already edited it out before you even posted!"!

[Bruce Lindfield]

So - to kick start the thread ...

I am imagining a balding guy in a dress, being beaten and stabbed with various implements, force-fed fruit and compelled to watch an awful TV show - just because he killed his offensive cranky neighbour's pet!!

[Diggler]

I think of a teacher overseeing study hall, giving the kids busy-work essays to try to keep them out of trouble.

[ras1983]

I see a person who was controlled, opressed and emotionally tormented and destroyed by a negative religious experience.

I only mention this because I distinctly remember Major Metal posting a thread about a horrible ordeal he endured at the hands of a 'Christian' organisation.

For the record, I'm a 'Christian' and i have my own views about salvation and I absolutely disagree with what many sects/religions/cults/groups teach about biblical salvation and Christianity.

[Barfly]

"Help! Help! I'm bein' oppressed!"

[f'nar f'nar]

One day, MM decided to visit his local hardwear store, upon seeing their wears, his pent up anger from his youth caused him to with to harm something. Unfortunately, MM was at a loss as to what he should harm, and with what he should do the harming. Undecided, he bought both.
"Hmm," thought he, "I shall ask the members of Talkbass which weapon I shall use."
He then proceeded to post said thread. In the time it would take for the TB members to reply he decided to mull over his tough decision with some fruit, which he grows in his back yard. He walked outside to his fruit garden.
"Howdy!" Called a voice, it was his neighbour Matt Till, evidently utilizing the nice sunny day to tend to his garden and take flattering garden pictures of his basses.
"Good day sir!" replied Major Metal, then in a fit of indecisivness proceeded: "Say, Matt, which delicious fruits before should I indulge in today?"
"Well" Matt replied thoughtfully, "I have heard that Jack from Will and Grace can be a bundle of joy!"
Infuriated by this blatent use of the term 'Fruit' as a euphemism for homosexual, MM removed a pencil from his pocket and thrust it deep into the fretting arm of Matt Till, before picking a Banana and proceeding inside.
Whilst in the his kitchen, enjoying the fresh Banana he had just picked and was now consuming, he heard the distant cry of his Chihuahua from the back yard. He raced to the window to see that Matt Till, in an enraged state had casted Fire 3 on Mr. MiniMajor
and killed him.
Finally, thought Major Metal, a reason harm someone! But wait! I wonder if the TB goers have decided which weapon I shall use!
MM raced to his computer, opened up the thread only to find that it had been transformed into a thread full of flamers, trolling and an honestly disturbing number of pictures of scantily clad asain women and subsequently closed.
MM came to the conclusion that people just didn't take him seriously anymore. So in order to strike fear into the hearts of those around him, he shaved his head bald. He did not, however, wish to remove his beard which he had worked so hard to grow so that he could look like the lead singer of his favourite band, Clutch. He decided not to and with that, sat down for a few hours of quality TV programming.
He flicked through the channels only to find that they where all full of poor quality reality TV shows and political campaign news. He continued to flick for a few minutes before coming to rest on a show he thought was COPS.
"Excellent!" He exclaimed, clapping his hands with glee at the high quality show he had unearthed. However the show was not cops, but it fact Reno 911. After a few minutes he became so disgusted by the sight of James "Jim" Ron Dangle's signature short shorts that images of his childhood began to surface in his mind. Images of the day his parents entered his room only to find that he was bouncing on his bed, singing New Order songs and wearing a brides maids dress. He was subsequently beaten thoroughly for this plight on humanity.
Weary, sad and certifiably insane he wandered back to his computer. Unable to think of anything useful to post on TalkBass he made his way to the Off Topic room, where he knew he would be accepted and created yet another useless yet mildly amusing thread, asking the members of TalkBass for suggestions on what he should name his up and coming novel. (He later named it Diatonics, released it claiming that everyone on earth where in fact souls of intergalactic bassists, sent to earth by the evil lord Jaco and that they all needed to be healed for a nominal fee. He later gained cult status and a following of dim witted and, frankly, retarded celbrities.)

[Bryan316]

And now, Deep Thoughts... by Major Metal.

[Bruce Lindfield]

Originally Posted by Diggler

I think of a teacher overseeing study hall, giving the kids busy-work essays to try to keep them out of trouble.

So this is the current definition of the job of 'Moderator' at TB then!!??

[Bruce Lindfield]

Originally Posted by f'nar f'nar

Weary, sad and certifiably insane he wandered back to his computer. Unable to think of anything useful to post on TalkBass he made his way to the Off Topic room, where he knew he would be accepted and created yet another useless yet mildly amusing thread...

Honorable mention for the contrasting note of 'realism' in this part!!

[WRBass]

I think he's with the CIA. Somewhere there's a database where they are compiling all the answers to these dumb questions for psychoanalysis.

[Bruce Lindfield]

Originally Posted by WRBass

I think he's with the CIA. Somewhere there's a database where they are compiling all the answers to these dumb questions for psychoanalysis.

Or maybe a huge, long-term internet fraud operation - so you know how they ask you all these "security questions" before you can access your account on some internet banking sites - so MM will have a huge database of what we would all choose !!

[Bruce Lindfield]

Originally Posted by Bryan316

And now, Deep Thoughts... by Major Metal.

"There are more questions than answers!"

[Diggler]

/W\