Would you want to know?

tulip_tina · #1 03-18-2008, 09:35 AM

I posted this orginally on another board, but it was suggested that I post here as well. Here it is (I would love any feedback):

it happened last week. I never intended to cheat, I still do not know why I did. This may sound naive now, but I feel it will never happen again. It was a mistake, and I love my husband dearly. The person I cheated with is a friend and married as well. He seems at ease and will happilly move one. We have agreed not to have another romantic encounter.

I guess what I am wondering is should I tell my husband? Would you want to know?

A large part of me says no, I do not want to hurt him, it is my mistake and my guilt to live with. I was a good wife and mother before - I can continue to be now (maybe better). I owe them that. I am convinced that my AP will not say anything.

Another part of me says yes - he deserves the honesty, even if it tears us apart. I beleive that it ultimately will (there is a history in his family of this) and it is likely to be inforgivable in his eyes. Then of course there are our children. I should have thought more of them last week.

Sorry for the sad post, but I am confused. I love him and our life together, I am just trying to figure out the right thing at this point.

bmc · #2 03-18-2008, 09:38 AM

You HAVE to tell him. Look for a pm.

MakiSupaStar · #3 03-18-2008, 09:41 AM

You need to live with that guilt and bury it. Let it eat you apart from the inside. Telling him only gets that off of your own chest and destroys him in the process. Live with your mistake. We all have them. It's your own fault. Telling him won't make you feel any less guilty.

Diggler · #4 03-18-2008, 09:42 AM

Are you a male or female?

Because over here, it's the same story but "should I tell my WIFE?"

Even the "happilly" typo is the same.

Oh, and the post there was 3/2/2008, more than a week ago.

bmc · #5 03-18-2008, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

You need to live with that guilt and bury it. Let it eat you apart from the inside. Telling him only gets that off of your own chest and destroys him in the process. Live with your mistake. We all have them. It's your own fault. Telling him won't make you feel any less guilty.

...and continue lying to your husband because lying is a better strategy? Any marriage counselor worth their weight would never recommend this.

tulip_tina · #6 03-18-2008, 09:45 AM

I am female.

Chriss62 · #7 03-18-2008, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diggler

Are you a male or female?

Because over here, it's the same story but "should I tell my WIFE?"

Even the "happilly" typo is the same.

Oh, and the post there was 3/2/2008, more than a week ago.

Hmmmmmm?

kevteop · #8 03-18-2008, 09:48 AM

Just tell him. Say you shagged his friend and if it makes him feel any better you'll give him a free pop at any bit of skirt that catches his eye. He's probably just as bored of the marital sex as you are.

buzzbass · #9 03-18-2008, 09:48 AM

I'm inclined to agree with Maki on this one. I know if my wife came to me with this, no matter how much I love her, she'd be out on her butt in a flash. Not to say we wouldn't try and work it out. But initially, she'd be outta here, as would I in the reverse situation. She'd have to "earn" her way back, and even then, it would still bug me for a very long time.

mjolnir · #10 03-18-2008, 09:49 AM

Tell him, don't tell him, who are we to say? In all honesty I think you know a hell of a lot better than we do what you need to do.

I will say however generally honesty is the best policy.

jomahu · #11 03-18-2008, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diggler

Are you a male or female?

+1. filling out a profile would help.

i get the feeling that pictures of boobies are going to occur soon....

**baba** · #12 03-18-2008, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

You need to live with that guilt and bury it. Let it eat you apart from the inside. Telling him only gets that off of your own chest and destroys him in the process. Live with your mistake. We all have them. It's your own fault. Telling him won't make you feel any less guilty.

+1. Learn from it, and don't do it again. If you bring it up, you will regret it and your relationship will NEVER be the same. It already isn't the same for you, don't put him through it.

Jeremy Crockett · #13 03-18-2008, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diggler

Are you a male or female?

Because over here, it's the same story but "should I tell my WIFE?"

Even the "happilly" typo is the same.

Oh, and the post there was 3/2/2008, more than a week ago.

Good catch! This thread has "bogus" written all over it.

mjolnir · #14 03-18-2008, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jomahu

+1. filling out a profile would help.

i get the feeling that pictures of boobies are going to occur soon....

Ah, the memories...

ric1312 · #15 03-18-2008, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tulip_tina

I posted this orginally on another board, but it was suggested that I post here as well. Here it is (I would love any feedback):

it happened last week. I never intended to cheat, I still do not know why I did. This may sound naive now, but I feel it will never happen again. It was a mistake, and I love my husband dearly. The person I cheated with is a friend and married as well. He seems at ease and will happilly move one. We have agreed not to have another romantic encounter.

I guess what I am wondering is should I tell my husband? Would you want to know?

A large part of me says no, I do not want to hurt him, it is my mistake and my guilt to live with. I was a good wife and mother before - I can continue to be now (maybe better). I owe them that. I am convinced that my AP will not say anything.

Another part of me says yes - he deserves the honesty, even if it tears us apart. I beleive that it ultimately will (there is a history in his family of this) and it is likely to be inforgivable in his eyes. Then of course there are our children. I should have thought more of them last week.

Sorry for the sad post, but I am confused. I love him and our life together, I am just trying to figure out the right thing at this point.

I've been married for twelve years. Honestly I don't want to think about my wifes past boyfriends. If she cheated on me and told me, it would be over. Simple as that.

And the whole, " I didn't mean to do it thing," is a lot of BS. You wanted sex with another man and you did it because you have a lack of self control and it seems little thought about hurting your husbands feelings. Don't put it off as some accident. Especially if you tell your husband, that is just insulting. Next time you think about cheating picture what your husbands face would be like when you tell him you cheated. IF that doesn't put a quick stop to any burning feelings in the loins then you should get a divorces because you are heartless.

Is it possible you were doing it to get back at your husband for something? Or aren't getting the attention you want from him? Or that you want to split and don't want to be adult and just say it and are just trying to sabotage the marriage?

IMO, if you tell your husband it will be for your own benifit and to lighten your own conscious. Or to cause a divorce. All telling him will do is hurt his feelings and he'll probably never look at you the same and never trust you again. IMO if you really intend never to cheat again you are better off not telling him and never cheating again.

MakiSupaStar · #16 03-18-2008, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by buzzbass

I'm inclined to agree with Maki on this one. I know if my wife came to me with this, no matter how much I love her, she'd be out on her butt in a flash. Not to say we wouldn't try and work it out. But initially, she'd be outta here, as would I in the reverse situation. She'd have to "earn" her way back, and even then, it would still bug me for a very long time.

+1. At this point she realizes it's a mistake. Feels guilty about it. Telling him is selfish and on designed to rid her of her own guilt, and it turn destroy any scrap of faith he had in her. If she wants to move forward, and truly get her life back together, she needs to live with this pain as a reminder of what she did.

MakiSupaStar · #17 03-18-2008, 10:01 AM

Ok. Nevermind. Bring on the boobs. I'm ready.

LowDown Hal · #18 03-18-2008, 10:02 AM

sure seems like troll cr@p to me............

Jared Lash · #19 03-18-2008, 10:10 AM

Assuming this is a legit post (and from Diggler's post I'm seriously doubting that) then here is my personal answer to the question, "Would you want to know?"

The answer is, it depends.

If I was in a long term relationship or married, but without children, then yes I would. It would be the end of the relationship, but I would want to know. I've dated girls who have slept around while we were going out and I've done the same, but not when there was a serious commitment involved.

And here's why it would be the end of the relationship: cheaters cheat. The wording in the OP is just proof along those lines. "I never intended to cheat. I don't know why it happened." Not taking responsibility for your own actions. If I were to take a woman back after she cheated on me, I would assume it would happen again. And even if it didn't I don't think I'd ever stop thinking about the possibility. From personal experience, I think ending it is the only answer.

But if I was married and had children, then no I wouldn't want to know for the exact same reasons listed above. Breaking up a relationship I can handle, but I would not want to break up my family because my wife was unfaithful. Deal with the guilt yourself, and don't punish your kids by putting them through a divorce or by having to witness the irreparably strained relationship of their parents.

MakiSupaStar · #20 03-18-2008, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBigO

Assuming this is a legit post (and from Diggler's post I'm seriously doubting that) then here is my personal answer to the question, "Would you want to know?"

The answer is, it depends.

If I was in a long term relationship or married, but without children, then yes I would. It would be the end of the relationship, but I would want to know. I've dated girls who have slept around while we were going out and I've done the same, but not when there was a serious commitment involved.

And here's why it would be the end of the relationship: cheaters cheat. The wording in the OP is just proof along those lines. "I never intended to cheat. I don't know why it happened." Not taking responsibility for your own actions. If I were to take a woman back after she cheated on me, I would assume it would happen again. And even if it didn't I don't think I'd ever stop thinking about the possibility. From personal experience, I think ending it is the only answer.

But if I was married and had children, then no I wouldn't want to know for the exact same reasons listed above. Breaking up a relationship I can handle, but I would not want to break up my family because my wife was unfaithful. Deal with the guilt yourself, and don't punish your kids by putting them through a divorce or by having to witness the irreparably strained relationship of their parents.

+1. Exactly. Now that we all got that off our chest let's await the chest pics.