writing song lyrics?

[santucci218]

most of us have tried it im sure. If you have the balls post yours.

Lets take constructive criticism here please, any douchy posts will be reported to a mod.

Also, any tips or hints would be greatly appriciated as i would like to get more into writing.

[flakeh]

Originally Posted by santucci218

most of us have tried it im sure. If you have the balls post yours.

Lets take constructive criticism here please, any douchy posts will be reported to a mod.

Also, any tips or hints would be greatly appriciated as i would like to get more into writing.

The song I wrote for history class.

Ohhhh....
Trench war fare, ah trench war fare
Its not as fun as your county fair
Yah can't get cotton candy
No, trench live ain't dandy

they don't sell hotdogs,
they don't got games
They got dead bodies
with unknown names
Yah can't mustard on your burgers
yah only get gassed. those hamburglers

Ohh trench war fare, ah trench war fare
Its not as fun as your county fair
Jimmy smits, gone died in the pits
Dandy dan gone stuck in no mans land
Smilin joe had to go
Cause he got trench foot, Oh!

The krouts got chlorine gasses
That poisoned our asses
They got machine guns
That'll tear your buns. Son.

So what'cha learned, whatcha know?
Bout the trench war, bout Colonel Joe?
Bout mustard gas, the others that we've learned in class
They got trench foot,
trench mouth,
All the rats, sometimes bats,
gunfire, big booms big bertha Smilin joe that had to go, Dandy Dan whos well..no longer a man.

(long pause)
Oooohhhhh A trench war fare, a trench war fare
Its nothing like yar county fair
I say its a nothing, like, yah coun-ty faaaaaair

[santucci218]

ha, pretty catchy man. you sang that infront of the class or what?

[flakeh]

Originally Posted by santucci218

ha, pretty catchy man. you sang that infront of the class or what?

Yah. 30 people. Played it with an acoustic guitar also. I gotta play it again in a few weeks, the history staff want to record it.

[IconBasser]

heh, nice Flakeh! I like it.

[santucci218]

if you get it on cd you need to post it man

[flakeh]

Originally Posted by santucci218

if you get it on cd you need to post it man

K, it'll be in a week or so, I'll make a thread and pm it about.


Anyway, Back on topic.

[Spoiled Grape]

These lyrics are copyrighted by me. (Just getting it out of the way, I already recorded them, yadda yadda yadda.)


---------------------------------

VERSE
And I don't think we mattered too much, to each other
I just sorta wasted your precious time
And it all comes down to you or me or anybody,
When did passion become a crime?

Logic, schmogic. I'm just tampering with mythologic
Tales of lust and glory and of love
Heartache, brought on by misogyny
Amnesty, from what you've grown to hate

CHORUS
It's only a matter of time,
Before we break through these walls


VERSE
And I don't know, which way is up or down or sideways
I'm just living in my past, and it's for rent
Cheap pleasures, go to the highest bidder, I'll take
Visa, Debit, Mastercard or cheque

Simple Simon, I'm patriotic and lethargic,
I can't seem to simply listen up,
And hear the cries, of a slow but sure, self demise,
This is going out, I guess.

BRIDGE

I am confused,
I'm not sure
When I'm going,
Or where I'm headed to

I'm so,
exausted with myself,
I'm afraid, of being alone,
without you

VERSE
See sometimes, I feel, that all these times I've spent inside
Are times so safe, I'll never get them back
Maybe this whole damn thing will blow up in my own face,
But I'm not sure I'm ready to end this race

Of course this isn't but a loose structure. It's a pop punky type song in the vein of Jawbreaker/Husker Du/The Descendents.

[Eric Cioe]

My advice for lyric writing is the same as my advice for everything else in life - read good books.

The verses take the abba rhyme structure that I learned from reading the poet James Merrill.

Leaving on an eastbound train
that left at five today.
My pen taps away
I’m writing goodbye again.

Watched her makeup smear
when she was on the street.
My hand does not agree
with the pen that writes my fears.

I'll withdraw from the world that has withdrawn from me.
I don't know who I am, but I'm headed back east.

All my words came out
on a late night on the beach.
I gave my prepared speech
erasing all her doubt.

Without a word, she slipped away
while the fire was burning soft.
My hope was all for naught.
I’m leaving ‘cause I can’t stay.

[basslyon]

Everyone's so deep and meaningful. This is one of our lighter ones...Guess the title

Sitting in the tav drinking beer as we do
Just sitting and chillin and drinkin with my crew
From the corner of my eye see an ass tight as can be
But when she turns around tell me what do I see?
A face that looks like it’s been torn off of a mutt
And it makes you wanna cry that it’s coupled with that butt

Cos it’s a shame about the face
Cos it’s a shame about the face

Gone out for a burger cos I really need a feed
School girls walk by and my eyes light up with glee
Tiny little skirts and those legs go up and up
But if you look too high then you’re bound to lose your lunch

Cos it’s a shame about the face
Cos it’s a shame about the face

Walking down the street and she’s right in front of me
Tight little body, all the curves where they should be
When I get caught staring she says my face is up here
But if I catch just one glimpse then I run away in fear

Cos it’s a shame about the face
Cos it’s a shame about the face

Buddy calls me up says have I got one for you
This chick wants a spit roast with a bag on her head dude
So I head around and give her a tadum ****
But when the bag comes off then I know I’m outta luck

Cos it’s a shame about the face
Cos it’s a shame about the face
(it's a ****ing disgrace)
Cos it’s a shame about the face
Cos it’s a shame about the face


I should explain the last verse: based on a bit of an urban myth we heard where one guy convinced his mate to spit roast this chick without seeing her face which was covered by a bag. When all was said and done the bag came off and it was his sister. It's too ****ed up to make up!!

[Bard2dbone]

This is my most recent one. It's not done yet.


Bread and Circuses

Verse: (minor keys mostly)
We live from payday to payday
With no promise the next one will come
My money can’t reach like it needs to
And I keep praying nothing goes wrong
But gas is higher now than in history
So everything else goes up too
And my check didn’t go up with the prices
It doesn’t leave me much to do

Chorus (Switch to major chords)
But meanwhile, here in Washington, life is wonderful
Let’s give some loopholes to our friends
I ‘m sure the little people will be sad to see us go
After this administration ends.


Verse (Minors again)
I can’t believe we voted for these guys
But we get the politicians we deserve
So clearly we’re being punished for something
But I can’t help but feel unnerved
Are these the best people we could hire
To run the only country we ‘ve got
They do what they can for each other
Then run off to play on their yachts

Chorus (back to major key everything-is-greatl feel)
But meanwhile, here in Washington, life is wonderful
Let’s give some contracts to our friends
I ‘m sure the little people will be sad to see us go
After this administration ends.

Verse: (minor keys, You know the drill)
I wish I could change the rules for elections
I know we could do better than this
I even know what I would change to
Keep all the same voters on the lists
But now we vote For or Against them
You still only have one vote to use
But now you don’t have to vote for someone
In hopes his opponent will lose


In the booth I see two main contenders
I wouldn’t trust either of them
But one is less scary than the other
Nowadays I ‘m forced to vote for him
But wouldn’t it be better in stead not to praises him
For only being less bad than his brother
But in stead to take away from the worse man
A vote left by some stupid mother.

Chorus (major keys again)
But meanwhile, here in Washington, life is wonderful
Let’s give more money to our friends
I ‘m sure the little people will be sad to see us go
After this administration ends.

Verse:
Cabinet members indicted
Special Prosecutor is raring to go
Another scandal it’s not so surprising
That’s the way Washington goes
They snarl across the aisles at each other
In stead of trying to do some good
And when we show them their failings come election time
They say that we’ve misunderstood

Chorus (major keys again)
But meanwhile, here in Washington, life is wonderful
Let’s give more refunds to our friends
I ‘m sure the little people will be sad to see us go
After this administration ends.

[santucci218]

seems like a long song!

[Bard2dbone]

Well my guitar player says that a typical song from me is six minutes long and someone dies at the end, so comparatively, this one is short and peppy.

[username n/a]

This song is called Blood Feud, it's about this dude whose brother is killed by another dude and the first dude seeks revenge. I just wrote this song like 5 minuets ago so be nice.


Blood feud
An eye for an eye
You shall die for my brother’s life

Blood feud
An eye for an eye
You shall die for my brother’s life

You know what you’ve done
His life it is done
You killed him and now you die

Because it’s a blood feud
An eye for an eye
You shall die for my brother’s life

You’re at the top of my list
The first to get hit
Because of what you have done

Because it’s a blood feud
An eye for an eye
You shall die for my brother’s life

As I take your life your life
You wonder why
I’m doing this to you

Because it’s a blood feud
An eye for an eye
You shall die for my brother’s life

Now your time is done
Because of what you have done
You have taken the life of my loved one

IT'S A BLOOD FEUD!!!

[santucci218]

Originally Posted by username n/a

This song is called Blood Feud, it's about this dude whose brother is killed by another dude and the first dude seeks revenge. I just wrote this song like 5 minuets ago so be nice.


Blood feud
An eye for an eye
You shall die for my brother’s life

Blood feud
An eye for an eye
You shall die for my brother’s life

You know what you’ve done
His life it is done
You killed him and now you die

Because it’s a blood feud
An eye for an eye
You shall die for my brother’s life

You’re at the top of my list
The first to get hit
Because of what you have done

Because it’s a blood feud
An eye for an eye
You shall die for my brother’s life

As I take your life your life
You wonder why
I’m doing this to you

Because it’s a blood feud
An eye for an eye
You shall die for my brother’s life

Now your time is done
Because of what you have done
You have taken the life of my loved one

IT'S A BLOOD FEUD!!!

that reminds me of the song its a madhouse...well thats how im singing it at least!

what kind of song is this? acoustic? rock? metal? polka?

[santucci218]

what the hell, ill post some of mine...problem is i can never make a whole song, just little snipits..

i always see this part as chanted in a way..

Bring me down
Watch me fall
See me beg
And see me crawl

See the life I hold within
Make my normal life begin

Destroy my beauty
Withhold my sin
Watch me die
See him begin


yep...thats all i got =[

more like a ***** poem.

Any thoughts?

[username n/a]

Originally Posted by santucci218

what the hell, ill post some of mine...problem is i can never make a whole song, just little snipits..

i always see this part as chanted in a way..

Bring me down
Watch me fall
See me beg
And see me crawl

See the life I hold within
Make my normal life begin

Destroy my beauty
Withhold my sin
Watch me die
See him begin


yep...thats all i got =[

more like a ***** poem.

Any thoughts?

Dude, thats an awesome song, its so metal but at the same time it makes you think, and put your life in perspective(SP).

[santucci218]

thank you man. i want it to be about somebody who on the outside is beautiful and strong. somebody who is stiff and is better than normal people, but on the inside is just as normal as anybody else. the inside wants to escape.

when i finish i will post it all.

[username n/a]

Here’s one I wrote a couple weeks ago and totally forgot, so it doesn’t have music yet. You may ember it as the poem I asked maki about awhile ago. It’s called "It's over"

You realize it's over
Threes nothing left
Only the turmoil and plain of death

In the garden you lay
Wondering what will be of you the next day
If you’ll be alive
Or dead

It's over
It's over
Threes nothing left
For you

Life you find out is just a big mess
And you realize threes nothing left
For you

It's over
It's over
There’s nothing left
For you

Abounded by life
Taken by death
Why should you even bother?
Threes nothing left

It’s over
It’s over


P.S. This song is a power balled, thats why it kinda sucks.

[santucci218]

Originally Posted by username n/a

P.S. This song is a power balled, thats why it kinda sucks.

bwahahaah