Is it wrong to think you're unattractive?

spade2you · #1 01-20-2013, 11:07 AM

I met up with a friend whom I've known since the 2nd grade the other night. As we drank a beer and solved all the world's problems, the topic of women always comes up. When it came to dating, I really didn't. At 5'6", I'm a little vertically challenged and built like a marathon runner. As fate and genetics had their way with me, I'm now half bald. (THANKS!

) Online dating reinforced the idea that my height was a big disadvantage, despite being successful and athletic. It seemed that a 5' woman who wasn't in shape had her sights set on someone 6' and built like a linebacker.

This is generally where people say that it's all about confidence, but I'm fairly confident and driven. When it came to attacting a mate, it wasn't happenin' and it didn't take a rocket surgeon to understand why.

As if dating weren't enough of a challenge, it's a little obvious that my wife isn't attracted to me, either. I suppose that's a different topic for another day.

Without getting too long winded, is it wrong to realize that what the opposet sex want isn't me? I'm not really depressed about it. I don't really feel like getting hair plugs. I work out a ton, which makes me even thinner, albeit more defined.

My friend seemed to think it was odd that I'm aware that I'm unattractive, despite me assuring him that I don't give a poop because they're mostly things I can't change.

bass12 · #2 01-20-2013, 11:12 AM

It's not wrong. It might be unfortunate, especially if you're not as unattractive as you think. And it's common knowledge that physical appearance is not as high on most women's priority lists (when it comes to choosing a mate) as it is one guys' lists.

jmattbassplaya · #3 01-20-2013, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spade2you

I met up with a friend whom I've known since the 2nd grade the other night. As we drank a beer and solved all the world's problems, the topic of women always comes up. When it came to dating, I really didn't. At 5'6", I'm a little vertically challenged and built like a marathon runner. As fate and genetics had their way with me, I'm now half bald. (THANKS!

) Online dating reinforced the idea that my height was a big disadvantage, despite being successful and athletic. It seemed that a 5' woman who wasn't in shape had her sights set on someone 6' and built like a linebacker.

This is generally where people say that it's all about confidence, but I'm fairly confident and driven. When it came to attacting a mate, it wasn't happenin' and it didn't take a rocket surgeon to understand why.

As if dating weren't enough of a challenge, it's a little obvious that my wife isn't attracted to me, either. I suppose that's a different topic for another day.

Without getting too long winded, is it wrong to realize that what the opposet sex want isn't me? I'm not really depressed about it. I don't really feel like getting hair plugs. I work out a ton, which makes me even thinner, albeit more defined.

My friend seemed to think it was odd that I'm aware that I'm unattractive, despite me assuring him that I don't give a poop because they're mostly things I can't change.

So does he agree that you're unattractive, or does he just think it's weird that you're being so critical of yourself?

spade2you · #4 01-20-2013, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bass12

It's not wrong. It might be unfortunate, especially if you're not as unattractive as you think. And it's common knowledge that physical appearance is not as high on most women's priority lists (when it comes to choosing a mate) as it is one guys' lists.

LOL at 5'6" and ~120lbs, I probably am. I was never opposed to dating a bigger girl, but most weren't too keen on me since more than a few commented that I made them feel bad about their self image.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

So does he agree that you're unattractive, or does he just think it's weird that you're being so critical of yourself?

Strange that I'm so critical of myself.

Ziltoid · #5 01-20-2013, 11:24 AM

It has always been my understanding that most people are unhappy about certain traits of their person these days.

oniman7 · #6 01-20-2013, 11:37 AM

Better than to think you're all that. You don't have to be a model to be clean and well kept, even looking good

i_got_a_mohawk · #7 01-20-2013, 11:38 AM

As someone who's 6ft4, it isn't all it's cracked up to be and not all women like tall guys. Confidence matters a lot more IMO, it's something I've never had in abundance though I've certainly gotten better with age.

My girlfriend is 5ft3, so, sorry for stealing the shorter girls

zfunkman · #8 01-20-2013, 11:45 AM

Women don't go by looks the same way men do. They want a guy that will make them laugh. If you own your own power, are a bit sarcastic, and don't take anything too seriously when your with women . . . then you have to view yourself as freakin' Hott. Thats it. . . Oh yea, if you have a stable income and have your life together that also helps.

Nashrakh · #9 01-20-2013, 11:55 AM

Imo, if you have a receding hairline, might as well shave. My drummer got a bad case of the bald and it looks good on him. Something to consider if you don't do that already or you found it's not for you.

I can totally relate though, op, but it never came to me as a problem either. As you point out, there's two types of things one shouldn't complain about; the things you can change and the things you can't.

hrodbert696 · #10 01-20-2013, 12:29 PM

My take on it was always this; beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Whatever you look like, it's some combination of what your parents look like, and they apparently found each other attractive enough to hook up. You may not be the average person on the street's stereotype of Mr. Hunky, but that doesn't mean there isn't someone out there who will find you attractive.

spade2you · #11 01-20-2013, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nashrakh

Imo, if you have a receding hairline, might as well shave. My drummer got a bad case of the bald and it looks good on him. Something to consider if you don't do that already or you found it's not for you.

I can totally relate though, op, but it never came to me as a problem either. As you point out, there's two types of things one shouldn't complain about; the things you can change and the things you can't.

I used to shave my head, although my mom told me I looked like I had cancer and my grandma said I looked like I had The AIDS when I first shaved it.

My wife didn't want me to keep shaving my head, which makes it a little peculiar that she's not attracted to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zfunkman

Women don't go by looks the same way men do.

Maybe not all. It shouldn't be too suprising that people tend to be shallow these days. It's possible that some of the women I met were single because they were too superficial. I joked with my friend that I'd become a hermit if I were ever single again.

basstotheface · #12 01-20-2013, 12:52 PM

Not if you're unattractive.

Munjibunga · #13 01-20-2013, 01:00 PM

It's not wrong but, whether you're unattractive or not, it's counterproductive to obsess about it, or even spend any amount of time worrying about it. When it comes to physical appearance, you are who you are. Do what you can to improve your appearance, but don't overdo it. Some people give up and enhance their unattractiveness with things like piercings and abundant tattoos.

If you're overly thin, bulking up is easier than bulking down (this from experience - I'm doing the latter now). Be clean, dress well, be friendly. From what I'm getting, you're not ugly, so you've got that going for you. Go to Wal Mart and look at some couples. You'll soon realize there's someone for everyone.

bass12 · #14 01-20-2013, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spade2you

Maybe not all. It shouldn't be too suprising that people tend to be shallow these days. It's possible that some of the women I met were single because they were too superficial. I joked with my friend that I'd become a hermit if I were ever single again.

Well, you have all kinds of people out there, but a lot of it has more to do with grooming than basic looks. I see lots of guys out there who aren't actually that good-looking but have "hot" girlfriends. These guys buy into the look of the month and probably take just as long as their female counterparts when it comes to pre-leave-the-house mirror-time. And yeah, plenty of those guys are short!

bass12 · #15 01-20-2013, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

From what I'm getting, you're not ugly, so you've got that going for you. Go to Wal Mart and look at some couples. You'll soon realize there's someone for everyone.

Yeah, no pic no unattractive TBer!

spade2you · #16 01-20-2013, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bass12

Yeah, no pic no unattractive TBer!

I'm currently at work and Facebook is blocked.

Here I am sprinting for NOT last at the last of 2012.

A long time ago when I was allowed to shave my head.

Staredge · #17 01-20-2013, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

Go to Wal Mart and look at some couples. You'll soon realize there's someone for everyone.

Dude.....this. You're not a bad looking guy. Good shape. What may be "unattractive" is your lack of confidence. That can be fixed. Is the problem that no one wants you, or that you don't want the ones that want you????

tastybasslines · #18 01-20-2013, 01:52 PM

When you stop caring and it shows, you will automatically become attractive. Believe it.

spade2you · #19 01-20-2013, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Staredge

What may be "unattractive" is your lack of confidence. That can be fixed. Is the problem that no one wants you, or that you don't want the ones that want you????

I'm a pretty confident guy as a whole. The only funny part about that is that I can go from having no confidence to a cocky pr*ck depending on who ya ask. With my background in the sciences, I tend to be fairly blunt and matter of fact.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tastybasslines

When you stop caring and it shows, you will automatically become attractive. Believe it.

Really, I don't give a crap. I work out a lot so I can go a lot faster.

roadkill2309 · #20 01-20-2013, 02:07 PM

Dude, I'm 5'6" and a fat *****. Yet, I have an amazing partner with whom I made a gorgeous 17 month old. Believe me, if I can do it, then you're in great shape. Especially since my genes aren't even as good as yours.

But I play 5-string. That might be the secret...