The title of this thread will all make sense soon enough, friends. Bear with me.
Let's go back to the summer for a moment. My girlfriend was working as a barista in a small, yuppie-infested, totally pretentious espresso joint in the downtown east end. There was this guy who would come into the cafe, called himself "Dimitri The Lover". He would, apparently, say the most overtly sexual things to any reasonably young, attractive woman that happened to be within fifty feet of him. Things like "You're very desireable. You should come back to my place with me; I can pleasure you in ways no man has ever shown you." And.. much.. worse but I can't post it here. You get the idea though.
Well, needless to say, this guy was banned from the cafe because he would creep out anyone else in the room and scare away business.
Okay, so there's some creepy guy going around telling women he's a great lover, I can **** your ***** *** ***** ******** *****, etc, etc, etc. In a big city you expect this kinda stuff, so whetever, I forgot about it, my girlfriend forgot about it...
Fast forward a few months....
So I get a call from my girlfriend last friday. I'll do my best to quote her here, though it'll be mostly paraphrasing, but here goes:
"So I'm walking down the street and I see this guy stop and check me out. He keeps staring so as I get closer to him I think 'Oh boy, here we go'..
The guy says in a thick russian accent:
Dude - 'You are very desireable woman'
g/f - 'Whatever buddy, **** off'
dude - 'Do you have boyfriend?'
g/f - 'Yeah, I do'
dude - 'You know I can pleasure you in many ways'
g/f - 'My boyrfiend does that. **** off.'
dude - "Well, take my card. (hands her a card) You call when you are single. You are very desireable and I would like to pleasure you'
g/f - 'I don't think so'
And she walks off, with the guys card in her hand.
Well, things like this happen to her often enough that she doesn't call me anytime some creepy russian hits on her on the street. But, it was because of the card he handed her that she called me immediately. Remember 'Dimitri The Lover"??
Look...
Below...
I **** you not, people. There are men who actually do this.
This is the card she got. (phone number and email blurred)
Yep. Google it. YOU TOO can take Dimitri The Lover's courses and become an HONOURS GRADUATE OF DIMITRI THE LOVERS SEXUAL GURU PROGRAM!
