You KNOW you are too drunk when......

6jase5 · #1 07-21-2009, 06:42 PM

it takes you 10 minutes to figure out that it's a FIVE string bass you attempted to use to jam with the house band and that's why you were a bit "off".
(I have video)

ok, seeing if anyone is interested in "too drunk when" posts, like, "you peed in the clothes hamper instead of the toilet" kind of thing.

Lady Kayri · #2 07-21-2009, 06:53 PM

Not human, but my uncle had a rabbit that he & his friends gave beer too...rabbit got so drunk it chewed the rose pattern off of a rug, evidentally convinced it was eating real roses...

Thunderscreech · #3 07-21-2009, 08:02 PM

I once re-assembled a pair of hair trimmers while inebriated, but it took me 3 weeks to figure out i'd done it wrong, even thought they still worked.

lousybassplayer · #4 07-21-2009, 09:32 PM

oh this is my territory.

When you are attempting to fly off a second story balcony holding a rubber rain poncho in a hurricane?

When you ate a goldfish for stealing your beer that you poured in its tank?

When you claim you are wearing a woman's tube top only becasue "you are an innocent victim of circumstance'?

When you pee straight up in the air (think about it) and then stare up at the stars wondering when it started raining?

When you staple a cheez it to your buddies neck?

When you are doing a puppet show with two bass' heads stuck on your fingers to the tune of PAwn shop by Sublime?

When you yank the exhaust out your buddies truck so it will make it through the big block pit on street tires?

When you burn your buddies recliner in his driveway?

When you bury your truck in a snowbank because you thought you could jump it but your eyes were misty from listening to patsy cline and you missed the jump point?

When you throw up straight in the air while laying in a truck bed boucnign down a logging trail because you were trying ot fart through the slider?

When you attempt to eat the rabbit you hit with your buddies volkswagen at 90 mph an hour ago?

When you have to shave your nuts with a disposable bic razor for losing a bet over oreos.

I too have video. tons of it.

Georynn · #5 07-21-2009, 11:00 PM

you're a sick man...

How about when you attempt to fight some random person (for absoutely no reason) by trying to pulling both their arms off at the same time while standing in front of them and looking them in their very confused face...

then vomiting into your own shirt pocket...

bui · #6 07-21-2009, 11:05 PM

I once decided to kick every button (crosswalk, parking meter, elevator) on our walk back to the cars. The city of Fort Worth probably has video.

hbarcat · #7 07-22-2009, 01:25 AM

When you vomit and then breathe it back into your lungs and die.

shadowtippy · #8 07-22-2009, 06:33 AM

When you try to take your pants off...over your head.
When you pee on your neighbor's new door mat.
When you drop your motorcycle 3 times stopping at Stop signs because you can't get your feet on the ground in time to hold it up.

Absentia · #9 07-22-2009, 07:37 AM

When you allow your friends to whip you with a studded belt for a few cigarettes.

lousybassplayer · #10 07-22-2009, 05:11 PM

how about

when the bartender asks if he should call you a cab you ask if oyu should call his mother a whore?

you are found naked under the neighbors subaru with your military ID locked in the car on the drivers seat

when you fake a car crash to get a hot chick to come pick you up only to narrowly exacpe a dui later when you get caught returning for the smokes you left in the car

when you try to use a fire extinguisher as a jetpack in the barracks laundry room

when you drunk dial your father at 2 in the morning to ask him who was the 4th member of the ratback..and still lose the bet

when you piss in your girlfriend's roomates boots and tell her you spilled a beer in it (they were like moccassins and it soaked into the suede and wool. She still wears em)

And the ultimate you are too drunk when:
when you get married and have a kid and stop doing all that stuff.

Thunderscreech · #11 07-22-2009, 05:16 PM

or how about you think it's a good idea to watch Song of the South and take a shot of peppermint Schnapps everytime someone says "Remus".

or trying to ride a sled up hill. and then getting out and pushing it all the way uphill and then sliding 30 feet down backwards and slightly impacting your nads on a tree.

lousybassplayer · #12 07-22-2009, 05:23 PM

drunk sledding! Always bad for the nads.

We cut a toyota celica hood in half with a plasma cutter and attached it to the bumper with a tow rope and dragged it down the road with up to three people on it. car sledding is even worse for the nads, espescially when you unhook the hood and just grab the rope.

it snows a lot in Maine, this stuff is very easy BTW

Thunderscreech · #13 07-22-2009, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lousybassplayer

drunk sledding! Always bad for the nads.

We cut a toyota celica hood in half with a plasma cutter and attached it to the bumper with a tow rope and dragged it down the road with up to three people on it. car sledding is even worse for the nads, espescially when you unhook the hood and just grab the rope.

it snows a lot in Maine, this stuff is very easy BTW

We also did that with a souped-up lawn tractor. But everyone was sober and it was in a field. It was fun until the abrupt turn that slung a kid into a pond...then we decided it was time to stop.

I think his iPhone is still down there. It was in this watertight case thing he had, and we would see it light up when someone called it, but no one was gonna dive for it.

JimB52 · #14 07-22-2009, 05:44 PM

When you need to put a hand over one eye so you don't see double while driving home.
When you Drink 60 7-ounce beers in less than an hour.
When you pick a fight with a 6'8" man in combat fatigues and his buddy who has one black batting glove and a pay phone receiver and cord draped around his neck.
When you saunter up to a group of bull D***s and proceed to hit on them with lines like "how YOU ladies doin"?

funkalicious101 · #15 07-22-2009, 05:47 PM

When you eat a cigarette. Though come to think of it I made ten dollars doing that. I would probably do that sober.

Pass out in a bathroom stall in a Korean pizzeria.

Thunderscreech · #16 07-22-2009, 05:50 PM

or how about when you try to smoke 3 cigarettes at once, drink a redbull, and then wonder why things feel like they're moving really, really fast.

lousybassplayer · #17 07-22-2009, 05:54 PM

I have found my brothers. I am getting a little misty. For so long I thought I was just a bumbling drunk. Now I see that I am just a part of a misunerstood community.

StyleOverShow · #18 07-22-2009, 06:20 PM

Thunderscreech · #19 07-22-2009, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lousybassplayer

I have found my brothers. I am getting a little misty. For so long I thought I was just a bumbling drunk. Now I see that I am just a part of a misunerstood community.

Well, for a few of those, I wasn't drunk...but I wasn't exactly sober, either...

irishryno · #20 07-22-2009, 06:54 PM

When you realize that you are 30 minutes late for a job interview, and you show up wearing your buddys "healthy" gf's bra on the outside of your cloths, and try to convince them that you are a progressive thinker with sales and people skills regardless of the afore mentioned...I'm still not allowed in K'mart.