Young children and sex

stratovani · #1 01-29-2012, 05:09 PM

This afternoon my wife and I were over at our friend's house for supper, and their daughter and her family came over, and she announced that she was pregnant with their third child. Now they have two younger children, ages 7 and 5. The 5 year old happened to ask his father about where babies came from. Our friends' next-door neighbor happened to be there, and he told him that babies came from baby stores! It got me to thinking - why do we keep the truth about human sexuality and childbearing from our very young children? Are we that fearful about traumatizing them with the truth that we'd rather lie to them about one of the most natural processes humans can engage in? What if we lived in a society where we told our children the truth instead of a puritanical fear of scandalizing them? Would it really hurt a young child if they found out that humans have sex in order to reproduce?

Discuss. I'd love to hear what you have to say!

carlos840 · #2 01-29-2012, 05:22 PM

My parents told me the truth when i asked them...

I dont remember the details but it was along the lines of pee pee in the wee wee, seed dropping, wait, baby!
No bees and flower stories for me.

I dont know how old i was but i think it was definitely under 10...

Dr. Cheese · #3 01-29-2012, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stratovani

This afternoon my wife and I were over at our friend's house for supper, and their daughter and her family came over, and she announced that she was pregnant with their third child. Now they have two younger children, ages 7 and 5. The 5 year old happened to ask his father about where babies came from. Our friends' next-door neighbor happened to be there, and he told him that babies came from baby stores! It got me to thinking - why do we keep the truth about human sexuality and childbearing from our very young children? Are we that fearful about traumatizing them with the truth that we'd rather lie to them about one of the most natural processes humans can engage in? What if we lived in a society where we told our children the truth instead of a puritanical fear of scandalizing them? Would it really hurt a young child if they found out that humans have sex in order to reproduce?

Discuss. I'd love to hear what you have to say!

Mom and Dad are usually to embarrassed to admit they like to embrace and exchange bodily fluids.

Ayce · #4 01-29-2012, 05:40 PM

Luckily, the subject hasn't popped up here yet. My oldest daughter is going on 7, and she hasn't asked. I suspect, though, when the time comes, we will discuss it in terms she will be able to understand, without whitewashing it.

pedroims · #5 01-29-2012, 05:45 PM

Because it is too complex to explain to your son that he came not only because I introduced my penni in his mom vagina but also because a commitment of love and loyalty between us

**Pacman** · #6 01-29-2012, 05:50 PM

My parents told me the truth, and it wasn't ever a "the talk" thing, we just talked about everything around my house.

It sort of backfired, because when I was in pre-school, I told everyone in my class the deal - to include correct terminology.

MakiSupaStar · #7 01-29-2012, 06:24 PM

When he was young I just said babies grew in mommies belly. He hasn't really asked lately, but I'll just tell him straight up. Just because you understand, doesn't mean they do. It will be a gradual realization on the technicalities. Or maybe it won't. But I'm of the camp, tell the truth, and keep them informed.

MJ5150 · #8 01-29-2012, 06:28 PM

I don't think it's a matter of hiding anything, but more of what they can handle which the parents of that child know better than anyone else.

I remember my parents reading a book to me with cartoon pictures of the human anatomy, how sex works, and how the baby comes to be.

-Mike

**jmattbassplaya** · #9 01-29-2012, 07:01 PM

I remember my 'talk'. My dad, drunk and with the smell of beer on his breath, grabbed my arm and took me into the garage. He took a sheet of plywood and placed it on top of his workstation. He then grabbed a hammer and a nail, and then proceeded to hammer the nail into the plywood. He then turned to me and asked, "Any questions?"

I became a man that day

DeathFromBelow · #10 01-29-2012, 07:06 PM

Lol, yeah, that'll do it!

cassanova · #11 01-29-2012, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stratovani

This afternoon my wife and I were over at our friend's house for supper, and their daughter and her family came over, and she announced that she was pregnant with their third child. Now they have two younger children, ages 7 and 5. The 5 year old happened to ask his father about where babies came from. Our friends' next-door neighbor happened to be there, and he told him that babies came from baby stores! It got me to thinking - why do we keep the truth about human sexuality and childbearing from our very young children? Are we that fearful about traumatizing them with the truth that we'd rather lie to them about one of the most natural processes humans can engage in? What if we lived in a society where we told our children the truth instead of a puritanical fear of scandalizing them? Would it really hurt a young child if they found out that humans have sex in order to reproduce?

Discuss. I'd love to hear what you have to say!

Short answer, because people are too uptight about sex and have this mentality that if the kid knows about sex, they'll rush right out and have it.

AQUANOVA · #12 01-29-2012, 09:47 PM

It's not hard to explain the mechanics of sex to children when they are very young.

It's talking about the sexual feelings involved that gets uncomfortable.
That's the thing people are avoiding.

Mark Latimour · #13 01-30-2012, 12:46 AM

On a website whose user base is predominantly male, this thread title made me uncomfortable!

Tegzsa · #14 01-30-2012, 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stratovani

why do we keep the truth about human sexuality and childbearing from our very young children?

Because....

**pacojas** · #15 01-30-2012, 02:05 AM

i was never told,

so i thought babies came out of a womans butt.

i had no conception of what a vagina was or the wonders there of!

Kwesi · #16 01-30-2012, 02:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AQUANOVA

It's not hard to explain the mechanics of sex to children when they are very young.

It's talking about the sexual feelings involved that gets uncomfortable.
That's the thing people are avoiding.

I think this is it. I don't have kids and I won't for a while but I can imagine "the talk" being something where you want to present all the information you can reasonably and all at once. The ins and outs (

) are the simple part but communicating the concept of lust, potential consequences, healthy sexual behavior, and the culture surrounding sex is something that takes more care and a whoever the discussion is aimed at needs to be at an age where they can fully comprehend it all. Determining that age and how to go about discussing the matter is something that I think is difficult for a lot of parents because of how the topic of sex has been approached in the past.

My mom did it in the nerdiest way possible, lol. I was a pretty avid reader in elementary school and my mom handed me this MASSIVE textbook - yes, it was a book meant for sex ed classes - and told me to read whatever I thought was important. She said that in a month or so we'd talk after I had educated myself a bit. Hundreds of pages later I was officially a deviant and it's all her fault

. Probably not how most parents would go about it nor would it be the best way for most kids but it worked for me.

I think the most important thing to impart upon your children is that sex is not dirty, it should not be feared and that it is not the end all be all of life itself (well... I guess it can be, haha). It's important to approach sex from an educated perspective but don't put it on some unreasonable pedestal (waiting until marriage and such). It's normal human behavior.

hrodbert696 · #17 01-30-2012, 05:50 AM

We had a "talk" that we taught the kids with when they were little. There's a little piece of mommy and a little piece of daddy, and they looove each other so much they kiss and hug until they mix together. Then they get bigger and bigger and bigger and grow in mommy's tummy until they come out and it's a baby. That was good enough for the single-digit years without getting into the details of intercourse. I don't think the little ones need to know the details, they think of their privates mainly in terms of going to the bathroom and trying to describe it just sets off all kinds of confusion and disturbance.

Jazz Ad · #18 01-30-2012, 06:00 AM

I never had to hide anything, just answered questions and solved confusions when I felt there were any.
I don't believe in the Big Talk. Just like for everything else, you learn little by little. It never seemed awkward to me.
Kids can understand anything and don't get shocked that easily. The problem is with adults.

PSPookie · #19 01-30-2012, 06:44 AM

IMO, as the parent of two young children (2 and 4), I think it's about preserving their innocence.

That's not to say that there's anything inherently wrong with sex, but it does tend to complicate matters and the period of one's life where it is simply a non-factor is awfully brief. Kinda like Santa. For now, everyone seems satisfied with babies growing in mommies' tummies and we haven't been pressed for further details.

onosson · #20 01-30-2012, 06:55 AM

I was taught all the details, from a thoroughly illustrated book, from about 5-6 years old. We've also explained things to our kids as accurately as we can from a very young age, both when they have asked questions, and at other times (such as discussing human anatomy in general). Making sure they know now that it is normal to think and talk about it will hopefully make it that much easier when they are older. And if not, at least they have information they need to know.